Hello Class!
Good job on keeping up with your research. It is time to begin structuring the essay. You will develop and post your Essay Outline below under "comments." You will notice that you probably need more research to substantiate your claim. In fact, you may need to continue researching throughout your entire essay writing process. Do not be afraid of this!
Comment on at least ONE person's outline, providing feedback (e.g. should the person change the order of their essay so that it is more logically structured; or that person needs to address a major assumption for one of his/her reasons).
Introduction:
ReplyDeleteToday in the world, medicine has evolved to a point where it has been known to cure many diseases and illnesses that were previously incurable.
However today many people have come to a conclusion that with certain diseases, patients should have the opportunity to kill themselves when all hope is lost.
Voluntary euthanasia, also known as physician aided suicide (PAS), something so immoral and unnecessary, has become considered by many people as a plausible option to be used in the medical field.
body:
voluntary euthanasia violates the whole doctor oath. In other words voluntary euthanasia violates the very meaning of what a doctor is and the very purpose of being a doctor. A doctor is supposed to heal and must not be involved in purposefully causing harm to the patient.
Some might say that by allowing the patients to kill themselves, in the patients mind, they are healing themselves. However, thought the patients might think they are getting healed in reality they are not. The patients are ending their life, the illness would have still been there with them even after death, if that disease was able to continue to exist even after the patients death.
voluntary euthanasia can be abused by both doctors and patients.
poor or uninsured patients may not have the access or money for proper care and will have limited options when it came down to making a decision about there medical options. Doctors could eventually pressure their patients into assisted. Opponents might say that laws could be made against the abuse of this procedure, however that is easier said than done. In no way can someone monitor whether or not a patient was forced into PAS because there will be no witnesses since the main witness will be dead.
if this were to be accepted patients would no longer be able to trust their doctors for the very reason that doctors have the ability to kill you.
Patients can force and actually urge there doctors to carry out the procedure when not deemed fit. for example a depressed suicidal patient can say that they want to be euthanized and could convince their doctor to carry it out. Some might argue that doctors are able to diagnose there patients efficiently. however studies have shown that 40% of patients who have committed suicide came to their doctors a week or 2 before actually committing suicide telling their doctors that they had suicidal feeling and feelings of sadness. This shows that doctors are not that good at reading patients thoughts and therefore can easily be fooled by their patients.
there is a moral aspect that comes to mind about voluntary euthanasia: that is, is it moral for someone to take another persons life, even when they want their life to be taken. For example a person would not help a person who threatening to jump off a ledge just because he want to kill himself. that person would not encourage him to jump or even push him off the ledge so why should someone try to help kill a person just because he is sick.
Conclusion:
Voluntary euthanasia/ PAS should not be allowed since alternatives exist and since this process can be abused by both doctors and patients.
whoa we have to be this detailed??? D: D: D: I really gotta revamp my outline now -______-
DeleteI really like how you were detailed, but it's an outline! :P
DeleteSuggestion: Appeal to Pathos- Make up a situation about how it will affect family members.
I really liked how you presented how PAS can be misused by both the patients and the doctors. But what about if both the patient and family members agree to use PAS because the disease is just unvarable and their is nothing doctors can do. Would a situation like this be reasonable to use PAS?
DeleteIntro
ReplyDelete-Background info (define addiction and disease)
-Introduce choice theory.
-State claim/thesis
1st Body
-Argue “no single addiction gene study.” (Back-up with statistics)
-Include environmental factors
-Address difference between choice addiction and born addiction
2nd Body
-Comparison to cancer as disease
-Ability to stop symptoms
-Differ between lifestyle diseases
3rd Body
-Intro possibility of conspiracy (scam)
-Incurable disease (disprove with survivor statistics)
-Address chemical/physical need (use Sixx, Keidis examples)
4th Body
-Address addicts’ inability to make conscious decisions
-Taxi diver brain development comparison
5th Body
-Brains scan studies (brain chemistry changes after conscious decision)
Conclusion
-Appeal to pathos (injustice to crush hopes) (can’t combat drug addiction with more drugs)
Add more details to your outline to for further understanding of your view. Also write thesis down it will show more of what your topic is about. Other than that it is to the point and it sort of states the basic. Still some details will be more relevant to your outline. It can run smoother and corrections are easily to make.
DeleteCounter it is also an injustice to give people false hope. They will work hard to achieve their goal later to have their goals/dreams shattered by reality.
Delete1. Structure works.
Delete2. Consider adding appeal to logos consequence to conclusion.
3. It seems as if your body paragraphs inherently address opposing arguments; however, do you notice any assumptions in your argument that you need to address? I ask because I do not see anywhere in your outline where you are directly stating and addressing opposing views.
Outline
ReplyDeleteIntro:
• Quote by Professor Charles R. Magel
• Claim: Animal experimentation has been around for centuries, it has led to superior medical advances at the expense of animals lives. they are forced to undergo procedures that are forms of torture. a new law should be put into place that changes the policy of animal testing.
1st Body Paragraph
• Explain why it is morally wrong
• An example of how some experiments aren't for merit
• Talk about what animal experimentation is "supposed" to be used for
2nd Body Paragraph
• Argument in favor of animal testing: It is the simple and efficient
• Counter argument: Human and animals have different body systems. They get different types of diseases that affect each one differently.
• Give examples of how different drugs that affect animals and humans differently
• Consequences of bodies being different and animal testing still going on
3rd Body Paragraph
• Why you don't need an animal for medical advances
• Give examples of different alternatives
• Explain how those alternatives have been proven to be better
• 400 types of alternatives have been found
Conclusion
• Restate Claim
• Connect to world
• What is being done about animal testing today
Intro
Delete- personal anecdote
-brief history of bullfights
-claim (bullfights should be banned in Spain
1st paragraph
-describe the significance of bullfighting
-traditional festival
-explain how its influence has decreased among Spanish people
-counterargument( it is a tradition Spanish people have,its part of their culture)
2nd paragraph
-tickets are really expensive that citizens of Spain can not afford (why?)
-appeal to statistics(...from 2666 in 2007 to 1724 in 2010 dropped 1/3)
-people who are attending bullfights are tourist
3rd paragraph
-counter argument( tourist attending bullfights)
-bullfighting plays an important role in Spain's economy
-if they are banned Spain will suffer economically
-it is for what Spain is known for
4th paragraph
-define animal cruelty
-Pope Benedict XVI questions "how can you tolerate this abomination to God's Magnificent Creatures?
-it is not a sport but a torture to the bulls and toreros at the same time
conclusion
-quote
-restate claim
- current event of bullfighting?
consider this counter argument-What do you prefer to loose an animal or someone that is close to you?
Deletealso compare humans and animals..
I like how your counterarguments are stable. Different body systems is a concrete defense, nobody can really argue against it. It's much stronger than if you'd just used morals.
DeleteBrian, It looks like Marcela wrote her outline as a reply to your outline. I will comment on hers her first, then yours.
DeleteMarcela:
1. Given the ticket cost for bullfight, are the attendees mostly tourist. What the ratio of Spanish people to tourist?
2.Do you have a counter or solution for the economic hit Spain would take if bull fighting was eliminated?
Brian
1. You wrote "animal experimentation has...led to superior advances at the expense of animal lives." This fact and the way you have structured it in your claim seems to hurt your argument.
-Consider rewording (e.g. "While animal experimentation has led to superior medical advances, these advancements have ignored other equally affective, sometimes less expesive alternatives to animal cruelity and have therefore come at the unecessary cost of countless animal lives."
Intro
ReplyDelete-quote
-explanation
-define equality and feminism
1st body paragraph
-the things woman want
-explain why they want them
-talk about how certain things they want, they cant get them in some countries
2nd body paragraph
-what men can do that women cant
-explanation
-quotes
3rd body paragraph
-what things women are not willing to do
-explain how that affects equality
-quote
4th body paragraph
-what other people say
-why things are the way they are [traditional roles]
-gender gaps, where they start, and to what extend
5th body paragraph
give definition of equality again
and explain how if there are certain things that wont be changed it means that we are not ready for equality.
-claim
-connect it to a bigger picture
I LOVE youre topic. I am aware it is focusing on how women want to be accepted in society just as men are but they dont express this through actions. This point of view coming from you actually suprise me, but its so REAL. One thing I am not aware of is your counterargument.
DeleteYeah, I agree with Re'gine. I think it's a good topic but I think you should have addressed the counterarguments just to make it a bit stronger.
DeleteI like your argument and the way you structured your prompt. I think that comparing addiction to other disease is a great way to help add on to your argument, and will make thee reader begin believing that maybe addiction is a disease after all. Maybe if it possible find any anecdotes or stories that will help support your argument.
Delete1. Your first two body paragraphs seem to present the opposing view. It seems like in these paragraphs you will be discussing women's push for equality. Am I right?
Delete-Do you want to dedicate two full paragraphs to the opposing view.
-If so, then perhaps you should develop the arguments in such a way that we (the readers--feminist right?) are being led to your argument that we are not ready for equality.
-Perhaps subtly hint to your point as you go through the two opening body paragraphs.
Re’Gine Rhine
ReplyDeletePeriod.4
2-16-12
OUTLINE international child adoption
INTRODUCTION
A. Linda is a preteen who attends Dorsey High School. She has special needs, which explains her ill mannered characteristics and her vulnerable actions. Linda lives in an African American household, she is the only Caucasian. Linda is aware that every thirteen seconds a child is abused. She wants the world to know that she is abused for what feels like every thirteen seconds. Linda is adopted. Why must she go through this?
BACKGROUND INFORMATION/THESIS
A.International child adoption is an adoption agency including four different countries. This agency, ran by the federal government, allows children to be adopted. They are taken out of their comfort zone which results in a lack of communication. Social workers follow families after adoption but so much can be hidden. Over the past few decades there has been an increase in ongoing child abuse cases, many of which have taken place in adopted homes. Social workers have been tricked into believing foster parents after nothing but the best for adopted children because horrible crimes have been covered up.
B.International child adoption can in many ways be beneficial to birth parents, foster parents, and children but many things go untold in foster family households. The government’s lack of involvement is the blame.
COUNTERARGUMENT
A. Adoption allows children to live a better life because they are with a family that “cares” for them.
B. Money is not an option with international child adoption because majority of the people who adopt are financially stable.
BODY #1
A. Information on the amount of countries participating in international child adoption.
B. History
BODY #2
A. Child adoption syndrome
B. Increase in juvenile crimes because of adoption effects
C. Proven through Linda’s story.
BODY #3
A. The governments role in child adoption. (social workers lack of security checks)
B. Parents take advantage of the system for the money.
BODY #4
A. The government is in favor of anything that will be taken off their “to do list”
B. Decrease in human trafficking (children specifically) in relation to adopting across borders.
I can see where your arguments are going. It is very well organized.
DeleteINTRODUCTION: A)Paragraph opener (that I have not came up with) that will relate to issue of addiction
ReplyDeleteB)Explain the controversy between addiction being a choice or a disease
C)Thesis: Well I had my finalized thesis in the other post but I can no longer find it so I will write what I remember from it
-Under the definition of disease an addiction can definitely be considered a disease due to the Physiological and Psychological effects. Although a person may initially choose to take an addictive substance the changes that the substance brings to the person affects their decision to make choices compared to their once normal state.
BODY: Paragraph 1: I will define what a disease is consider and then appeal to logos by example by providing the specific abnormal changes that happen to the body like loss of endorphins. I am also considering writing a rebuttal here about the difference between normal changes of mind/body compared to an addicts to defend against a counterargument saying that an addicts change in brain chemistry isn't significant.
Paragraph 2: Here I will compare addiction to other diseases with similar characteristics and appeal to logos by comparison. I will take a look at diabetes and other mental disorders that are similar I will mostly look at lifestyle diseases.
Conclusion: Here I think I will try to end strong by mentioning a counter argument about how addiction is just classified as a diseases because psychiatrists just to want to make money of people with a rebuttal. And finish it off with an appeal to logos by testimony that kind of states that people don't purposely choose to become reckless addicts that hurt people.
-Oh and I will squeeze in somewhere the fact that recovered alcohol addicts can't drink as much as a person who has not been addicted. Oh and the long term effects that come from addiction to substances. That might be like a 3rd paragraph. I am also thinking of developing a type of argument that involves evolution and how organism are in a way designed to allow themselves to live long enough to reproduce and how addiction kind of goes against this 4 billion year old instinct by destroying the body. but idk it is more a hypothesis.
DeleteIntro
ReplyDeleteGo into the values of the United States. Explain their role as promoter/protector of democracy
Define –Involvement. And democracy
1st Body
-Reason -The States have a double standard.
Define what double standards are and what a hypocrite is.
Evidence- 1973 military coup Chile- Allende democratically elected socialist leader
Other dictatorships.
2nd Body
Counter- U.S. helps out countries in need
Evidence the U.S. helps Latin American countries financially
Rebuttal
Leads to dependency
Countries fall in debt
U.s finds it easy to implement their policies
3rd Body
Reason self interest
Evidence
Darfur
Rwanda
4th body
Reason oil
Venezuela
Middle East
5th body
Containment
Operation condor
Compare U.S. method to the Soviet method
6th
Reason U.S. Involvement leads to more harm than good
Japan bombing
Vietnam War
Iraq war
Conclusion
Claim
U.S. Involvement in foreign affairs is fueled by self interest and not by the common good.
I don't know if this involved with your argument because your essay does seem to focus on the military aspect of foreign affairs but I think someone may argue that the government has funded Humanitarian efforts like the Peace Corps and that could be considered as a foreign policy type of thing.
Delete-I think I would rebuttal that the perhaps the government only did that because of constant push from private interest groups so it was the people that pushed these types of initiatives and not the government but I do know that Jimmy Carter started the peace corps but I am to sure how you will go by connecting the good things to Americans and not the government but... I guess research maybe? well that is if you choose to recognize this counter.
I am not* sure jeeze freaking typos, there are probably a bunch of them in there
DeleteI.) Introduction:
ReplyDelete- "One who gives up liberty for security, deserves neither liberty or security." - Benjamin Franklin
- Claim/Thesis: People should not give up civil liberties in order to fight the war on terror because it infringes on ones right to privacy, and it can lead to racial profiling and unlawful tactics.
II.) Reason/Data:
- It infringes on ones right to privacy.
- Counterargument: The right to privacy was never stated in the Constitution.
- Rebuttal: The right to privacy is implied throughout the Constitution.
III.) Reason/Data
- Can lead to racial profiling
- Counterargument: Most suspected terrorists are Muslims/Arab.
- Rebuttal: Not all Muslims are terrorists, a prime example of this was the "underwear bomber." He was Nigerian.
IV.) Reason/Data
- Can lead to unlawful tactics.
- Counterargument: Some of those tactics have prevented potential attacks.
- Rebuttal: While I may agree on some of the tactics, it goes too far when young children and senior citizens are being fully body searched at airports.
V.) Conclusion
- Restate thesis
The outline that you have provided proves that your argument essay will be strong. I liked the information about the underwear bomber, that's a great example. But I do feel like you should include something better for the beginning to attract the audience!
DeleteI thought you didn't post because you gave me a written copy of your outline. You just didn't print. Here's the feedback.
DeleteYour wrote right to privacy "implied in the constitution." Make sure you that your quote, cite, and deeply anaylze the exact area where privacy is implied.
2. You say "it goes to far when young children and elderly people are buing fully body searched."
-Terrorist have used children for suicide bombs.
-Aren't you making the assumption that just because someone is old, they would not be a terrorist. You assuming only teenagers to middle age adults can be terrorist.
Karen Correa
ReplyDeleteEssay Outline
Introduction: A universal agreement on immigration(Quote, Alluding to dramatic event, Direct statement of intent).
Thesis: Illegal immigration has been an issue in the United States of America since this country began.
Argument one(simple)
They are not here to take jobs, they are here to work for low wages (connect to jews and catholics working for low wages),
A green card will only let them work for (seasons).
Argument 2(medium)
Make connections to the American Salad Bowl.
Bill of Rights(First Amendment). Employers right to privacy.
Universal Rights, life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Loss of Jobs in other countries (sweat jobs, exploited workers in the United States and other countries).
Argument 3 (Strong Argument)
Make an emotional connection with the reader(get the sensitive side).
Use statistics to back up argument.
Mention working conditions of undocumented workers.
Conclusion:
rewrite thesis
summarize the essay.
Your thesis isn't very clear. I'm not sure what you're trying to prove in the essay but you're arguments seem to be strong in the order you have them. Maybe you could use the thesis you have as a general statement at the beginning then after you've presented you argument state the claim you come up with at the end.
Delete1. I agree with Brilon. Your thesis does not state an argument. Seems to be more like a statement of fact or maybe like a "stating the obvious".
Delete2. What argument will you be making concerning an "employers right to privacy?" Are you saying that employees have a right to break the law hire illegal immigrants and that investigation into this infraction is a violation of their right to privacy? It so, I would re-think this argument.
3. There are some vague points in your outline; however, as long as you have analyzed each points, looking for and addressing their warrants, you should be fine.
Outline on Foster Care System Argument Essay
ReplyDelete-INTRODUCTION
First states how the foster system functions and where it originally developed. It would explain the purpose of the program and its specific goals to help the youth stay in a stable environment. After that I will disagree with the foster system on how it is being run today by adding my personal experience/anecdote in foster care. At the end, I will state my thesis about how foster care lacks the emotional support that children need for development.
I)FIRST PARAGRAPH
Recent statistics of child abuse such as physical, sexual abuse, neglect and abandonment. Then explain why these statistics matter. Include how it has gotten the attention of the public child welfare agency in the United States. Show testimonies of child abuse. Such as young teens who end up in the streets to escape the dangers inside a foster home. Also include children who have turn into worst situations because of the repugnant experience.
II)SECOND PARAGRAPH
Explain a small review of the foster care system. This time it will include facts the way they interview the foster parents. It is important to know how this type of cycle works that way we know why and how they are hire to take care of children. State actual facts and more expert results and opinions about this type of system and how it has deteriorated the fulfillment of the process. I will relate how foster care lacks the emotional support but in different words of course.
III)THIRD PARAGRAPH
In this section, it will propose the concerns or counterarguments of other people about foster care system. I will address how their situation maybe right but how it also lacks in other ambitions of what the system was supposed to be about. For example, if they state that “ it is not the foster care system that has failed to reach its purpose for the development of the child, but the child’s attitude towards the situation to the system, like rebelling to their foster parents”, according to the socyberty.com. My rebuttal will be that the children have a lot to deal in their lives. It is a huge stress and the mental pressure of so many changes.
IV)FOURTH PARAGRAPH
Moreover, all the facts stated in the last few paragraphs will be tied into the thesis. I will prove or show how it has effected worldwide and provide solutions that may be helpful to the system. It also includes a suggestion of foster care system that they should notice about these exigencies and administer a different type of solution for the children’s need.
V)FIFTH PARAGRAPH
This will be my conclusion of course, restating my thesis. It will assert the foster care system deprivation for the adolescent’s sentimental augmentation state of being.
Introduction:
ReplyDeleteA) Charles, a seventh grade student, has been expelled from his middle school. He encountered an altercation with one of his peers regarding religious views. The altercation evolved from the creationism unit being taught in their science course. While Charles believes in God creating the universe, his peer seems to differ. The dispute, which soon led to a physical altercation, caused both of the students’ expelsion. All of this could have been avoided if creationism wasn’t included into the school’s curriculum.
B) Creationism is the religious belief that humanity, the Earth, and everything in it has been created by God. Many public schools teach creationism and others may choose to teach evolution or maybe even none. Creationism is a controversial topic that creates destruction within the classroom and within students. Destruction an affect the education of students. Therefore, creationism should not be taught in the public schools.
First Paragraph:
- Creationism suggests religious teaching/ background (Explain)
- Describe the 1st amendment ( Establishment and Free Exercise Clause)
- Explain how creationism being taught in public schools works against justice (1st Amendment)
- “ “ Quote from the Constitution (Appealing to logos)
Counterargument:
- Describe & Explain intelligent design
- Describe how opponents want intelligent design to be taught in class, Creationism is needed for intelligent design to be understood
Rebuttal:
- Describe how teaching intelligent design can have the same effect on students as creationism can
- Tie it back w/ story about Charles, etc.
Second Paragraph:
- Present second argument: Creationism prevents students from finding themselves
- Appeal to pathos and logos (quotes from experts, statistics, etc.)
Counterargument:
- Explain opponents view about how learning about creationism actually improves students learning abilities
- Appeal to logos while explaining (quotes from credible sources)
Rebuttal:
- Explain reasoning
Conclusion:
- Acknowledge both arguments
- Explain an wrap up why my viewpoint is correct
1. I know that your are no longer going to write your essay on this top, but I wanted to say that your outline itself is well detailed and structured.
DeleteIntroduction:
ReplyDeleteEveryone at one point has witnessed bullying in action, whether they were the bully, the victim, or the spectator. Bullying has been a reason for suicide among teenagers. Victims that have to deal with bullying can feel helpless and the government and schools should propose laws and rules to help prevent bullying and dealing with how to rehabilitate bullies.
Body:
A lot of students suffer from bullying in school as well as through the internet via cyber bullying. The effects that result from bullying can lead to greater insecurity, loneliness, and even suicide. If schools become more proactive to prevent bullying and offer counseling to the bullies and victims, bullying will decrease with time. Another factor that we need to focus on is how to deal with cyber bullying because people can say their speech is protected by the 1st amendment.
Conclusion:
Therefore the awareness on bullying has to be raised because a lot of students in schools all around the country. Bullying isn’t just a thing you deal with when you’re in school, bullying is leading to more suicides and violence than before.
1. This is not an outline. It does not give me an idea of the structure of your essay not the content.
Delete2. That said, perhaps it would be good to begin your essay with a recent dramatic event demonstrating the impact of bullying on individuals and their families.
3. It would also be helpful for your to make an outline prior to your essay. Please see the outlines of your peers for examples. Imani's is an good example of a detail outline that can lead to an essay. Julio's is as well, but he did not post.
Intro:
ReplyDeleteAnecdote: 1. family’s point of view. 2. inmate killer who wont stop killing
Brief History: 1. Issue on hand 2. Statistics/ facts
First Argument: This is the argument that audience already is familiar with and agrees with.
Hold off thesis statement until the beginning of the Conclusion.
1st Body Paragraph:
1. Second Argument:
This is a very strong argument but not the strongest. Appeal to Pathos: “Our justice shows more sympathy for criminals than it does victims. It is time we put the emphasis of our criminal justice system back on protecting the victim rather than the accused.
2. Evidence: Statistics/ facts
3. Why does it matter?
2nd Body Paragraph:
1. 3rd Argument:
Weakest Argument. Maybe, “It contributes to the problem of overpopulation in the prison system. When you eliminate the death penalty as an option, it means that prisoner must be housed for life.” Or, “It gives prosecuters another bargaining chip in the plea process, which is essential in cutting costs in an over crowded court system. Without the threat of a death sentence, there may be no way to get an inmate to plead guilty and accept a lesser charge.”
2. Evidence: Statistics/ facts
3. Why does it matter?
3rd Body Paragraph:
1. 4th Argument: Counter Argument
Strongest Argument. Oppositions false claim. “DNA testing and other methods of modern crime scene science can now effectively eliminate almost all uncertainty as to a persons guilt or innocence. The trial and appeals process is so thorough its next to impossible to convict an innocent person.”
2. Evidence: Why the opposition is wrong.
3. Why does it matter?
Conclusion
1. Thesis: “Capital Punishment may be the only sanction in extreme cases because some crimes are just too heinous. It would ...”
2. Maybe another appeal to pathos.
3. Make a worldly connection
1. Organization looks fine
Delete2. Consider opposing views:
-there are other forms of punishment for prisoners who keep killing (e.g. the hole)
-DNA testing is not 100% full proof in determining guilt. That means that as long as the death penalty is in effect, someone will be wrongfully accused.
3. Consider support:
-Overpopulated prisons mean more $$$ for housing prisoners, which mean more tax payer $$$. $$$ could be used to help stabilize our already suffering economy.
Intro
ReplyDelete-Counter Argument
-Counter Argument quote
- Claim/Thesis= Cutting Prison spending
1st BP(appeal statistics)
-Nearly 25k on one inmate
-Cali $11 billion jail budget
-education decline 6 billion
2nd BP( comparison)
-Prisoners well-being with homeless life
-Prisoners cots and College cost
-Park and Recs for youth
3BP(Consequences)
-promoting going to prison
-more prisons created
-discouraging students
-schools budget cutes
Conclusion
-restate claim
Intro
ReplyDeleteBrief anecdote with detailed info about Rosetta Meeks, a woman convicted of a felony due to being in debt. She eventually paid off her debt and applied for an appeal to restore her voting rights. She was required to give up irrelevant personal info such as listing every man whom she had a child out of wedlock with in order to complete her appeal. Due to the long process of completing the appeal, elections passed and Meeks was not able to vote.
Thesis- The law which prevents US citizens convicted of felonies from voting should be changed, automatically restoring their voting rights after their punishments/sentences have been served and completed.
Body 1
Weakest argument
Reasoning form comparison
The US is democracy in the world that "disenfranchises felons for life"
The US is supposed to be a true democracy, equal, and the land of opportunity, however, they are the only country that does this to their citizens.
I will go on to use Thomas Johnson as an example. A man who committed a felony but changed his life around and began contributing to his community for 5 years. He is a taxpayer and set programs in place to guide younger generations int he right path. However, he remains a citizen without a voice.
Body 2
Connecting to body 1 I will present the fact that in an extensive study of two poor and mostly black communities in Tallahassee, Florida a professor named Todd Clear was unable to find a single family without at least one disenfranchised man, making it unlikely that the community will be able to unite and resist laws that may effect their community such as a state senator locating a waste dump nearby.
Body 3
Strongest Argument including rebuttal
advocates who say that voting is a privilege, "that people who have broken laws should not be involved in making them, and that ex-felons will vote in ways that harm society and influence criminal justice policy for the worse" however, these people have served their punishment for breaking the law, giving felons more punishment after they have served and completed their original punishment is cruel and unusual under the 8th amendment of the US Bill of Rights. There is also no proof that felons vote in such a way that will harm society, even in the few states that allow felons to vote while in prison.
Conclusion-
I will creatively restate thesis and summarize my view point.
Intro
ReplyDelete-quote
-define marijuana
-state biases
-state facts of marijuana
1st body paragraph
-introduce my side with a better quote
-support with stronger facts
-use reasoning through comparisons
-use anecdote to make my side credible
2nd body paragraph
-introduce smaller couterarguements
- state possitive and negatives
- make sure i point out how drastic the negatives are
-back up with reasoning from consequences
-quote
3rd body paragraph
-explain why i feel it should be legalized
-explain how pr's outweigh cons
-quote
4th body paragraph
-largest arguments on opposing side
-rebut with reasoning through example
-use pathos
-quote
5th body paragraph
- state thesis / claim
- state facts again
- repeat powerful points
- end on emotional level
- quotation
- call for support to legalizing marijuana
Introduction
ReplyDelete-Anecdote: Personal Account
- Facts about mental retardation
- Thesis statement
1st Body Paragraph
- State counterargument
- State my own argument
- Evidence
- Elaborate on evidence
2nd Body Paragraph
- State counter argument
- State my own argument
- Evidence
- Elaborate
3rd Body Paragraph
-State counterargument
-State my argument
-Evidence
-Elaborate
4th Body Paragraph
-State counterargument
-State my argument
-Evidence
-Elaborate
Conclusion
-Restate Thesis
1. You wrote on your hardcopy "Judge does not take adequate action to people with menatal illness"
Delete-I'm not sure what you mean by this.
-Are you saying that the presiding judge at a trial does not sentence them appropriately.
-Make sure you clarify in your essay.
2. Structure looks fine but I cannot really tell from your outline what support you will include in the work or your counter arguments. In the future, you will want to give a prief description of each numbered element in your outline.
Intro:
ReplyDeleteBrief History: Statistics/ facts (Facts about capital punishment)
- Thesis statement/claim: Ban Capital punishment
1st Body Paragraph:
1. First argument (kind of Strong)
2. Evidence: Statistics/ facts
3. Why does it matter?
2nd Body Paragraph:
1. 2nd Argument (Weakest Argument)
2. Evidence: Statistics/ facts
3. Why does it matter?
3rd Body Paragraph:
1. 3th Argument: Counter Argument
Strongest Argument. Oppositions claim
2. Evidence: Why the opposition is wrong.
3. Why does it matter?
Conclusion
1. Restate thesis/claim:
2. Maybe another appeal to pathos.
3. Make a worldly connection
1. Your struture looks fine.
Delete2. Do you have any warrants within your any of your support pieces. Maybe you should address these when you present the support itself.
3. I cannot really tell from your outline what support you will include in the work or your counter arguments. In the future, you will want to give a prief description of each numbered element in your outline.
Intro:
ReplyDelete-What is SOPA and PIPA acts?
-Thesis
Par. 1
-Start with case in which acts were implemented
-anecdote
-Use Family Guy example episode.
Par. 2
- present 1st counter argument.
- rebut counter argument
Par. 3
-Present my argument
-present support
-more support that also rebuts a counter argument that may arise from my support .
Par. 4
-present another argument that supports me
-present support
-more support that also rebuts a counter argument that may arise from my support
Conclusion
-Restate thesis
-appeal to pathos.
-Make a worldly connection
1. Family Guy episode seems like it would work better as an anedote rather than an appeal to logos example. Even if you use it as an anedote, you can still refer to it in your essay.
Delete2. Looks like you only have 2 pieces of support (Par 3 and 4). Is this enough?
Venessa, Daniel,
ReplyDeleteI do not see a post here for you guys. I wanted to comment on your outlines. Here are a few comments for each of you.
Everyone else, we spoke in class already. Be sure to email me your essays so that I can type comments on them and email them back to you for your second draft. Happy writing!
Vanessa:
Outline looks fine. I see you changed safe sex only education to abstinence plus education. This change does strengthen your argument.
Daniel:
Good argument points. Good structure.
Just be careful that you do not have a formulaic 5 paragraph essay. Your conclusions seems like it may be going there.