"A gap year prepares incoming college students for the entire college experience, both on an academic and personal level," says Brian Boubek, president of Cultural Experiences Abroad, Cambridge, Mass.
I agree with Boubek’s position. Students should take a gap year. • Earn job experience > good for resume and money for school • Students have a fuller understanding of themselves. • Impacts their college major/choice
Thesis: Even though many students rush to college right after high school because that is what most students do these days, they should break from that expectation and enjoy their surroundings before entering the arduous life of college.
1st P Opponents • Postponing school or work takes people off of a more traditional path, and it’s sometimes challenging to get back on. • A gap year is costly. • Students who take a gap year did not do anything beneficial for themselves. Pro: “88 percent of Gap Year graduates report that their Gap Year had significantly added to their employability.” • Students with work experience are more likely to get hired. • Students who earned money during their gap year are most likely to use it for their tuition fees. • Jobs are most likely to hire those Gap year students if they want to continue with that profession
2nd P. Pro: “Colleges in the U.S. and Great Britain are encouraging students to take a "gap year" in their academic careers in order to mature emotionally and intellectually before beginning their first semester of university life.” • Students will be able to find themselves after the stressful years of doing work. • Students will be able to grow out of their comfort zones, because only way to experience the life of a gap year is to live freely. • Students will be able to have experiences that can affect their lives in a positive way. Opp: “...a student has taken a gap year and not used the time effectively, and found it has not helped them either in terms of maturing or developing skills or being more ready for college.” • There are occasions when students do not know how to manage their time in a gap year, so they tend to go off course and do their own thing • Students who usually who not try not to do anything beneficial for themselves in a gap year suffer when entering school because they have fallen behind and cannot catch up with the work. • Those who do not plan well their year, will most likely not return back to school because they like not repeating the stress they have endured from previous years.
3rd P. Pro: “For most students, gap experiences have an impact on their choice of academic major and career...60% said the experience either "set me on my current career path/academic major" or "confirmed my choice of career/academic major.” • During a gap year, students will be able to explore options outside of their intended major. • Students will be able to do more research about their intended major and question if that’s the right career for them. • It is more likely for a student to change their intended major after experiencing other careers during their gap year. Opp: Students who do not work rely on their parents for money, especially if they want to travel. Many parents should expect to pay around $15,000 to $20,000 to cover a student's gap year. • There are student that would like to take a gap year, but cannot not because of the price it might be to take one. • There are students that would like to go abroad for their gap year and the people that end up paying is their parents. • Students who do waste money on gap years use the money that was supposed to be for college.
Conclusion: More and more U.S. high school graduates are following the British trend of taking a “gap year” between high school and college because of its many practical benefits. Individuals who take a gap year have an opportunity to travel, get a job where they can earn job experience, or money to help get them through school.
I do belive adding a rebuttal will strengthen my position and i also believe that i need to add another paragrapgh explaining my position on the topic. I think ill add that parapragh first
add a little more to your conclusion to make it more thorough and good info, it gave me where your thoughts are and the opposing thoughts on your topic
Essay Opener: “My parents divorced during the time I took the SAT. My concentration on the test was poor, my sleep erratic, and I didn't care about the results of the test. Distracted due to family problems, I scored poorly.”- Tammy Stoner (pathos)
Intro: (both sides) ¹The higher the SAT scores of students, the greater the likelihood that they not only returned for a second year of study but eventually earned a baccalaureate as well," the report said. ²But as the College Board materials noted, there are also distinct patterns in which groups are to completed the recommended high school curriculum or other measures of advanced academic preparation:
Thesis: Thousands of students nationwide stress and prepare for SAT tests every year. SAT scores have been known as a crucial part of the admission process into college. However, SAT scores are not distinguished by social class. They are viewed equally in the eyes of the admission offices. Which means that students who are lower income are compared to wealthy kids who took private SAT classes, and students who had more resources than others.Which creates a disadvantage and will result in more low income students to be rejected for their low scores.
1 Evidence (Opponent): SAT scores do not determine college admission. Admissions officers rely on all the elements of your application to paint a picture of you. The biggest factor is your high school record, particularly your willingness to take and ability to succeed in demanding courses. (Proponent)
SAT scores lead to intense stress Students who come from wealthy backgrounds might feel the pressure and pay someone to take their SAT’s for them. Students can cheat (Rebuttal) Admission officers many say SAT scores do not determine college admission, but they do determine college admission when other applicants have similar grades, background, and similar extracurricular activities.
2 Evidence (Proponent): The charge that the SAT is slanted in favor of privileged children—“a wealth test” Some students become nervous and freeze up when taking test especially test such as SATs "I cannot tell you how many students I have worked with who are amazing in their classes but freeze when it comes to the SAT or ACT because they know how much is riding on the scores," says Patricia Mucenski, a counselor at Lisbon High School in Maine. (Opponent) The SAT actually shines a spotlight on the inequities in education The SAT helps provide an equal test for all students nation wide. “by putting every student on equal footing.” (Rebuttal) Although it may seem that SAT tests are fair and provide everyone with an equal chance, students with families with higher incomes tend to do better because of resources available to them.
3 Evidence (Proponent): "While the SAT serves a purpose, strong GPAs, high school rigor, teacher recommendations, and personal essays are stronger indicators of success” On the flip side, if you are someone with high grades but low test scores you will find it much more difficult to get into the college of your choice. But, on average, most minority students cannot afford the same amount of preparation as others. (Opponent) The higher the SAT score, the most likely they are to do better in college. help distinguish a student against others help show the colleges one can think critically
Conclusion: Restatement of thesis: SAT test have shown many downfalls for students. It is a test that not only is not fair, but also puts a lot of stress for students who take the test. SAT scores had the purpose to serve as an asset for a student's application, instead they have served as a distinction between low income and high income students. They should be abolished as they serve a purpose for discriminating against low income students. Colleges should look at AP scores or SAT Subject Tests that would help provide more what a students is actually learning.
I believe adding more than one rebuttal will strengthen my essay and it will allow the reader to know I have done thorough research and will boost my credibility
Cited Sources: Marklein, Mary Beth. “SAT scores show disparities by race, gender, family income.” US Today. 26 Sept. 2009. 05 Feb. 2013. http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/education/2009-08-25-SAT-scores_N.htm
Ramirez, Eddy. U.S. News Education. 22 Sept. 2008. U.S. News. 2 Feb. 2013. http://www.usnews.com/education/articles/2008/09/22/report-says-test-scores-should-be-less-important-in-college-admissions
Murray, Charles. “Abolish the SAT.” The American. 10 Aug. 2007. 07 Feb 2013. httJuric, Kathryn. CNN. 20 July 2012. College Board. 3 Feb. 2013. http://schoolsofthought.blogs.cnn.com/2012/07/20/my-view-10-reasons-the-sat-matters/ p://www.american.com/archive/2007/july-august-magazine-contents/abolish-the-sat
Lin, Dave. “SAT/ACT Scores and College Admissions.” College View. 11 Feb. 2012. 07 Feb. 2013. http://www.collegeview.com/articles/article/sat-act-scores-and-college-admissions Thomas, James. “SAT Cheating Scandal Widens as 13 More Students Charged in New York.” Fox News. 23 Nov. 2011. 12 Feb 2013.
¹Dechter, Gadi. “SAT scores well in predicting college success.” The Baltimore Sun. 11 Jan. 2007. 07 Feb 2013. http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2007-01-11/news/0701110042_1_standardized-test-scores-college-success-variables ²
Salins, Peter. “Does the SAT Predict College Success?” Minding the Campus. 15 Oct. 2008. 12 Feb. 2013. http://www.mindingthecampus.com/originals/2008/10/by_peter_salins_one_of.html
OUTLINE Intro/ Thesis : A: President Barack Obama has recently been re elected to serve his second term as president of the United States. He is the first African- American president, and has rallied support from minority groups like women, young voters, and middle class Americans. President Obama's standing requires him to represent America's distinctive scopes of interests. However, America's political evolution has resulted in overlooked issues that define their time such as slavery, the coinage systems, labor reform, educational and immigration reform. Although representative democracy is our earliest foundation for government, it is not the most effective. It severely limits the political spectrum in Washington, it deters third party participation, and most importantly neglects the needs of those being represented, the people.
I : First Paragraph ( Proponent) Representative democracy suggests equal opportunity for distinctive interests to be considered.
- Introduce Washington's Farewell Address/ Explain how Washington foresaw political issues today. ( Historical Perspective/ ETHOS) - Introduce Haraldsson's " Political landscape." ( LOGIC : Reasoning From Consequence/ Political Perspective) / Explain how it has limited the ideas presented in government creates gridlock between the two dominant parties, - Explain how representative democracy was limiting now & and how it is limiting today.(different issues, same problem: Historical Perspective) ( Opponent ) Counter Argument : Introduce Npr's " Organic politics"/ Describe how it created structure Rebuttal : explain that although it created a framework for today's government, the best gov't is not spontaneous.
II : Second Paragraph ( PROPONENT) THIRD PARTY REJECTION: Representative democracy has become a monopoly controlled by the Democrats and Republicans, thus deterring third parties from participating
-Introduce HuffingtonPosts' "Craig list third party"/ Describe how the lack of diversity in political ideology limits change, manipulating citizens to believe that other ideas are not equivalent or don't exist. ( LOGOS From Example/ Historical, Social Perspective) -Social Perspective : truth-out. org " the weakest minority ideas are silenced" [ and the people] Describe that the silenced ideas are silencing voters. ( OPPONENT) -Counter Argument: Introduce Regina Thomas (Representative Dem, keeps voting a simple choice) -Rebuttal : Explain why simple is not always the best choice. Choosing simple, overlook the complexities of equal representation.
III : Third Paragraph ( PROPONENT) GOV'Ts NEGLECT OF AMERICAN PEOPLE: -Introduce American Gov't's " broad coalition" / explain how citizens represent distinctive backgrounds, and lump summing them is ignoring the specificity that is required of an attentive gov't. -SOCIAL PERSPECTIVE: Jesse Ventura's " Leaders committed to the challenges of average people" Explain that although politicians attract middle-class voters during the general election, politicians make the middle class another entanglement. -POLITICAL PERSPECTIVE : HARDALDSON's " exclusion of other political views. -SOCIAL PERSPECTIVE : Introduce huffingtonpost's narrowed thinking. / Explain that narrow leads to lack of attention to other parties. Focuses too much on DEM/ REPUB.
CONCLUSION: - Acknowledge that although the representative democracy is the traditional foundation, however it is not effective. - SO WHAT? Explain how this impacts the responsiveness of the government and its ability to keep in touch with the voters electing officials into office.
Your outline appears to be very well structured. You've already included rebuttals to opposing arguments, and have evidence that fits under the different appeals. I think if you plan to concede to some points made by the opposing side, it should occur in the body paragraphs.
You have such an elaborate outline! You have everything set and ready to go. You have brought in lots of evidence for just one paragraph, and that makes for a strong essay. I don't think there is much advice that I can offer because you seem good to go. Snaps to you for planning everything out so intricately. Is there any way to add any statistics in here? I feel like numbers always stick in people's heads. If you don't, I think you'll be fine either way.
Topic: Gun Control Hook: On Friday, December 14, 2012, twenty mothers dropped their innocent children off to school. Two hours later, they returned, surrounded my parents, police, and reporters while waiting for news of their children's survival. They went home that day alone. Recently, gun violence like this experience at Sandy Hook Elementary and others has increased and raised serious questions about firearms. Some ask if gun laws should be stricter and some say they should not. In fact, since this tragedy, 900 victims have lost their lives due to the misuse of guns. Thesis: Therefore, gun laws within this country need to be stricter so the death rates decrease. P 1 Opponent’s: •“Guns are used to hunt, for self-defense, to commit crimes, for sporting activities, and to perform military duties. The Second Amendment plainly does not protect the right to use a gun to rob a bank; it is equally clear that it does encompass the right to use weapons for certain military purposes.” - Not used to kill humans but to hunt. And used for protection. •(logos) “Guns are used to hunt, for self-defense, to commit crimes, for sporting activities, and to perform military duties. The Second Amendment plainly does not protect the right to use a gun to rob a bank; it is equally clear that it does encompass the right to use weapons for certain military purposes. •(logos) “The 2Amendment was adopted to protect the right of the people of each of the several States to maintain a well-regulated militia.” - Violates the second amendment. Rebuttal: •They are wrong because the second amendment implies that one should use the gun when necessary carefully for protection. P 2: Opponents viewpoint # 2 •"Japanese youth have become increasingly exposed to foreign influences, the violent crime rate has begun to climb." Studies have shown that social controls such as self-respect, honor, and conformity lead to Japan's low gun crime rate." •(Ethos) "Younger Americans die earlier and live in poorer health than their counterparts in other developed countries, with far higher rates of death from guns, car accidents and drug addiction, according to a new analysis of health and longevity in the United States." •(Ethos) “Car accidents, gun violence and drug overdoses were major contributors to years of life lost by Americans before age 50.” •(Ethos) “The rate of firearm homicides was 20 times higher in the United States than in the other countries, according to the report, which cited a 2011 study of 23 countries. And though suicide rates were lower in the United States, firearm suicide rates were six times higher.” •(Ethos) “Sixty-nine percent of all American homicide deaths in 2007 involved firearms, compared with an average of 26 percent in other countries, the study said. •(Ethos) ''The bottom line is that we are not preventing damaging health behaviors,'' said Samuel Preston, a demographer and sociologist at the University of Pennsylvania, who was on the panel. ''You can blame that on public health officials, or on the health care system. No one understands where responsibility lies.'' -Blaming the high death rates on the United States because of how America is. Rebuttal: •Studies need to consider that yes the United States may be a country where young American’s are more likely to be dead by the age of 50, but if a shooting happens, it can be cured in the Emergency room due to the high technology the U.S has.
Paragraph 3 Proponent’s viewpoints: •Ethos)"Certainly, most Americans would say that the shootings at Virginia Tech [in which a student gunman killed 32 people] should never, ever be forgotten either. But somehow, though school shootings continue, though an average of 32 homicides are committed with guns in the United States each day, though dozens of suspected terrorists are known to have passed background checks to legally purchase guns, the gun-control side cannot gain traction." - Need stricter background checks because most are getting away with it. •(Ethos) “James Alan Fox and Marianne W. Zawitz of the Bureau of Justice Statistics discuss various trends in homicides that have occurred in the United States between 1976 and 2005. Concerning the homicide trends from 1976 to 2005 by age, gender, and race of the perpetrator per one hundred thousand population, "Young adults aged eighteen to twenty-four had the highest rate of homicide offenders throughout the period.” •(Ethos) “Homicide offending rates for adults aged twenty-five and over generally declined for all racial and gender groups.” •(Ethos) “Homicide offending rates for African-American and white males under age twenty-five increased dramatically beginning in the mid- to late 1980s through about 1994 and then decreased dramatically through about 2000. " - Trend is happening with homicides. It depends on age, gender, and race. P 5 What I say: •If gun control is regulated, then America's death rate will eventually decrease. •Gun control can limit the access of criminals getting their hands on firearms, which will lead to the decrease of violent crime. Need stricter requirements such as going to gun school or higher tax on firearms. Paragraph 6 Conclusion: •Restate thesis
I think you have a large amount of evidence and that is great! What I recommend is to make sure the conclusion isn't just restating the thesis, try to include something that leaves people thinking about what you said. You don't want to build such a good essay the whole way through and then end it by just restating the thesis.
As long as you place your own ideologies into this, then it'll be great. As Anel said, you have an awesome amount of evidence (and I actually prefer there not being pathos in there. LOL) But regardless, try adding your own personal reasons as to why gun control should be heighten.
Sources: Stevens, John Paul. "The Right to Own a Gun Is Not Guaranteed by the Constitution." Is Gun Ownership a Right? Ed. Kelly Doyle. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2005. At Issue. Rpt. from "Dissenting Opinion, in Supreme Court of the United States, District of Columbia ET AL. v. Heller." 2008. 1-46. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 11 Feb. 2013.
Williamsen, Kurt. "A Weak Cultural Morality Can Be Blamed for Gun Crime." Guns and Crime. Ed. Tamara L. Roleff. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2000. At Issue. Rpt. from "Beyond the Gun-Control Debate." The New American 23 (28 May 2007): 17-21. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 7 Feb. 2013.
Tavernise, Sabrina. "For Americans under 50, stark findings on health." New York Times 10 Jan. 2013: A3(L). Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
"Guns and Youth." Gun Control: Restricting Rights or Protecting People?. Sandra M. Alters. 2009 ed. Detroit: Gale, 2009. Information Plus Reference Series. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 11 Feb. 2013.
"An Updated Background Check System Will Help Prevent Gun Violence." Guns and Crime. Ed. Christine Watkins. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. At Issue. Rpt. from "A Plan to Prevent Future Tragedies." MayorsAgainstIllegalGuns.org. 2011. Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 18 Feb. 2013.
I think your anecdote in the beginning is great. for the first paragraph when you talk about the second amendment, you can add that their are many conclusions/interpretations for the second amendment and how none of those conclusions/interpretations have to do with gun control. I also think that you use the second amendment in varies points in your outline. It is better to mention it once and have a good/strong analysis about it and then move onto to others view on gun control such as the president ..
INTRO/THESIS: It is evident through the existence of censorship of media all around us, such as television, films, and video games, that today's society is a defensive one. People don’t want to expose anything possible offensive to moldable minds. Unfortunately, this rule also applies to books. But who's to decide whether 'controversial' literature is smut? Often, the most controversial of books is the one that opens a person's mind the most and introduces them to all kinds of new ideas. Censorship shouldn't hold kids, or anyone, from being able to expand their mind just because the books they want to read are condemned because of a few fearful people.
PARAGRAPH 1: OPPONENT: -Censorship is the lesser of two evils, and is necessary in order to prevent groups from quarreling as a result of brewed trouble with offensive content. REBUTTAL: -It's pivotal to look at the arguments of "hateful literature" in order to combat them. Some of these hateful writings may not even be meant to be hateful, but are only trying to prove a point. Either way, it's essential for a person to be able to express themselves in print, hateful or not.
PARAGRAPH 2: PROPONENT: -All books should be open to everyone. Each book has a different perspective that people can learn from. "I believe that education should be open to everyone. Everyone should have an opportunity to read any literature of their choosing and form his or her own opinions based on the reading. Micah Issitt lists 'three basic rights covered under the freedom of the press: the right to publish, the right to confidentiality of sources, and the right of citizens to access the products of the press.'" OPPONENT: Some books may draw in readers because they're offensive and influence their minds negatively. REBUTTAL: Banning said books will increase their curiosity and get them to look for the book. People will look for the book just BECAUSE it's banned. "While I agree that parents should play an active role in educating their children and as their primary guardians, have the legal right to monitor what their children read, I disagree that this legal right extends to controlling what other children in the neighborhood read as well. Prohibiting children from reading a book will not enhance their moral values. Rather, banning a book more likely will increase curiosity for reading it."
PARAGRAPH 3: PROPONENT: -I myself love many 'controversial' works of literature, such as "Catcher in the Rye" and "Fight Club". They've influenced my writing a lot, and I feel as though they've influenced my character for the better. It's clear to me that the characters who are 'bad role models' in these kinds of books are clearly misguided and meant to be the opposite of the intended message, as often the misguided and pessimistic protagonist maybe isn't so bad at the end. Or maybe he's learned something of importance. It doesn't matter; what does matter is they're providing you an insight. Villains are created to reflect the traits people should avoid, and it's often made obvious.
CONCLUSION: -Restate thesis, worded differently. -Include another quote that encapsulates my argument, after repeating (briefly) previous arguments.
Really like the way you add your own personal experience in paragraph 3. I think you should end the essay with maybe a rhetorical question that will leave the reader thinking.
I think something that will make your outline and essay better is if you mention what literary work that has been censored and how those books influence others life.
OUTLINE Intro Essay Opener: Imagine the world we live in, fifty years from now. How do you picture your county? Your future family? Your planet? Unless your answer to every question is ‘Absolutely Fantastic!’, it is clear that future is headed into dark path. Thesis: In a country where global warming is rising at an alarming rate and the economy is struggling through a recession, certain measures must quickly be taken. Legalizing the growth of industrial hemp, a strong and eco-friendly fibre, can be the key factor to solving our major issues.
Body Paragraph 1 Define Industrial hemp Background information -How it was used in the past -Used during World War -When and why they made it illegal to grow. Etc.
Body Paragraph 2 Opponents(they say): -How industrial contains the active ingredient that marijuana has which gives you the high. -Cannabis plant means it should be a federally regulated substance. -No clear distinction in appearance between marijuana and industrial hemp, which would make it really difficult to regulate one over the other. *Clear up the misconceptions in this paragraph.
Body Paragraph 3 Proponents: Benefits of growing industrial hemp on the basis of the environment. -According to a 2008 Reason Foundation study, hemp requires less energy to manufacture, and is less toxic to process, easier to recycle and more biodegradable than most competing crops.” –less pollution -"Hemp will grow in three months and use 95 per cent of the plant -- trees take 10 years to reach usable maturity” –saving trees -Less pesticides needed
Body Paragraph 4 Benefit in the economy -It is legal to buy hemp and its products, not legal to grow. If you grow industrial hemp, you can save the money you use on importing it here, thus giving all the profit here. Currently these businesses must import millions of dollars of industrial hemp from countries such as Canada, China and England.” *Use other nations as example-Canada
Body Paragraph 5 Variety of uses -Hemp seeds are rich in high-quality protein, vitamins, phytosterols and trace minerals. But the healthy fat profile of hemp gets the most attention--hemp is rich in omega-3s, as well as the more rare polyunsaturated fatty acids, gamma-linolenic acid (GLA) and stearidonic acid (SDA) -Used as paper( Declaration of Independence) -Natural Soaps
Conclusion -Rhetorical Questions: If marijuana is legal in some states, why are we still not advancing into industrial hemp, considering that is the biggest argument against it? Could it be that the cotton company’s simply want to continue getting their money? -What is the delay in not legalizing it?
SOURCES: "Leading Hemp Advocacy Groups Outraged by Governor Brown's Veto of California Industrial Hemp Farming Act." PR Newswire 10 Oct. 2011. Criminal Justice Collection. Web. 3 Feb. 2013. "Television Coverage of Industrial Hemp Confused by Puns and Drug References." US Newswire 24 July 2007. Criminal Justice Collection. Web. 3 Feb. 2013. < http://go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA166746641&v=2.1&u=inglewood&it=r&p=PPCJ&sw=w> "The highs and lows of Hemp as a food ingredient." Environmental Nutrition Jan. 2010: 7. Nursing and Allied Health Collection. Web. 3 Feb. 2013. "Hemp Farming Bill Passes California Assembly; Vote Hemp Applauds Assembly Leadership on AB 1147, Looks to Senate for Passage." US Newswire 26 Jan. 2006. Nursing and Allied Health Collection. Web. 3 Feb. 2013. Broadfoot, Sarah. "Hemp hoopla: hemp has been used for thousands of years, for everything from clothing to construction." What Magazine June 2000: 15. General OneFile. Web. 5 Feb. 2013.http://go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA30586292&v=2.1&u=inglewood&it=r&p=ITOF&sw=w Technology Report: Paper - The miracle crop." Print Week 5 June 2008: 33. Communications and Mass Media Collection. Web. 5 Feb. 2013. http://go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA179722341&v=2.1&u=inglewood&it=r&p=PPCM&sw=w
I like the way you plan to start off your essay, it's a good way to get the reader engaged. I also like the structure you've set up for yourself. It's a good idea to introduce what hemp is, and its background to the reader in case they are not familiar. I can tell you put thought into this. Make sure you include a few opposing ideas, so you don't sound biased.
I also agree with Melissa because defining and giving a background on hemp makes sure that you address common misconceptions. I would also suggest you write a paragraph descibing how the legalization of hemp wont have negative effects then use one of the countries you mentioned as examples.
Thank you to both. I agree that I should put more opponent points to make sure it is not a biased essay. Estefani, that is a great idea that I will include. When I add this paragraph, I will insure that people know how industrial hemp is only beneficial to our nation.
Intro: -Topic sentence: Males have naturally dominated most aspects of society; sports have been especially known to fall under the category of male supremacy. -Define Title IX -Thesis: Title IX has been condemned as a discriminatory act in disguise; it has been unrightfully accused of providing advantages to females at the expense of males. However, it was created with the purpose to expand the possibilities of success for women in male dominated areas. 1st P (Proponent): -The aims of Title IX: -"Since its passage in 1972, Title IX has been the main catalyst behind secondary school and college athletics programs creating more athletic opportunities for females. Title IX requires institutions receiving federal funding to provide equitable resources and opportunities for women in a nondiscriminatory way." - 3 rules of Title IX 2nd P (Proponent): -Dramatic increase in participation of women’s sports -“Since its enactment in 1972, women's athletic programs have grown exponentially, from less than 30,000 NCAA female athletes in 1972 to almost 151,000 in 2000, according to Washingtonpost.com.” -“By threatening schools with the loss of federal funds if they do not offer equal athletic opportunities to both sexes, Title IX has generated explosive growth in the number of women participating in competitive sports, including an 847% rise at the high school level.” 3. In the U.S., female participation in sports has increased 545 percent at the college level and nearly 1,000 percent at the high school level since Title IX passed in 1972, and it has led to opportunities for female athletes that did not exist years ago. 3rd P (Opponent): -“While women have enjoyed significant gains, the unintended consequences of Title IX have contributed to the elimination of more than 800 men's teams in the past two decades." - "The proportionality standard serves to protect only the interests of the majority sex on college campuses while ignoring the constitutional right of the minority sex to have equal protection of the law." -Concede -Rebuttal: At the Division I level, men's basketball head coaches average $149,700. By contrast, women's basketball head coaches average $91,300 or 61 cents to the dollar paid to head coaches of men's basketball. (Reveals that men still have advantages) 4th P (Proponent): -Appeal to pathos: - “I like to tell people, ‘Title IX gave me a national championship ring,’” Wambach told ESPN earlier this year. - Consider this: If there were no Title IX, there would be no women's national soccer team, nor college scholarships for the female stars of the U.S. Olympic swimming and track and field teams, among many others. We might never have heard of Abby Wambach, Natalie Coughlin or Allyson Felix. Conclusion: Women have thrived in male dominated areas because of the assistance given by Title IX. Although it is extreme, under the circumstances it is proper. The success of woman under Title IX overshadows what is taken away from men.
I think you have really strong evidence, and your thesis is well written. Also I think you have an interesting topic. However make sure we can hear your opinion because I see a lot of facts which I think are researched.
I also think you have strong evidence and strong rebuttals which allows the reader to know that you have researched both sides well. It allows your essay to not have any holes.
Sources: HOLDSWORTH, JANET M., and JANET M. HOLDSWORTH. "Title IX." Encyclopedia of Education. Ed. James W. Guthrie. 2nd ed. Vol. 7. New York: Macmillan Reference USA, 2002. 2569-2573. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 5 Feb. 2013
Mervis, Jeffrey. "Can equality in sports be repeated in the lab? A 30-year-old federal education law caused participation in sports by women to skyrocket. Can it do the same thing for science? (Women In Science)." Science 298.5592 (2002): 356. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 5 Feb. 2013.
Brennan, Christine. "Games showing Title IX at work." USA Today 26 July 2012: 03C. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Title IX shuts out boys; Law helping girls into college sports enables discrimination." Washington Times [Washington, DC] 25 June 2012: B04. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Has Title IX's quest for equality gone too far? Title IX was designed to ensure equal opportunities for girls in school sports, but some say it has unintentionally hurt boys' teams. (Opinion)." New York Times Upfront 18 Apr. 2003: 21. General OneFile. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Foundation, Women's Sports. "Title IX Is Necessary to Reduce Sexual Discrimination in Sports." Title IX at 30: Athletes Receive C+. Women's Sports Foundation, 2002. Rpt. in Sports and Athletes. Ed. James D. Torr. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2005. Opposing Viewpoints. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
Topic: Do video games have a negative effect in children? I. Introduction a.“Stay alive at all costs! Find the key! Kill the bad guys!” This is how one eighth-grader describes the principles of playing video games. Such games might seem like harmless fun, but what if the violence attracts and addicts young players,affecting their behavior and their view of reality? b.Video games when played in moderation have the potential to influence gamers positively. However taking into account how many hours the average-American spends playing video games in conjunction with their content, video games result in an increase of aggression, a toll on ones academic success, in addition of creating potential harm to ones health. More harm is caused by video games than good.
II. First Body Paragraph Opponents arguments •There is no link between video games and aggression; studies have little support •video games have no effect on kids/teens what so ever •games are rated Rebuttal •Describe studies that were conducted and why they are credible •Tie it back too an increase of aggression not necessarily meaning one becomes a killer Overview of Paragraph •Relationship between video games and aggression (Explain) •Describe the content of the most popular video games, use statistics •Stress the difference between aggression and violence and that ultimately these effects are based on a individual Evidence (proponents) •"The first argument against violent video game effects is that there is little evidence linking the playing of violent video games to very violent behaviors (such as school shootings). To better understand The impact of violent video games: An overview, it is helpful to reflect on the difference between aggression and violence. In essence, violence is aggressive behavior that has extreme harm as its goal (Anderson & Bushman, 2002). Thus, all violence is aggression but not all aggression is violence." •"There is sufficient evidence to conclude that video games increase violent behavior. He writes, "Some studies have yielded no significant video game effects, just as some smoking studies failed to find a significant link to lung cancer. But when one combines all relevant empirical studies using meta-analytic techniques, five separate effects emerge with considerable consistency." He continues that violence in video games is "significantly associated with: increased aggressive behavior, thoughts, and affect; increased physiological arousal; and decreased prosaically (helping) behavior."
III. Second Body Paragraph Opponents arguments •Video games serve as educational tools •They increase hand coordination, computer skills, and it's a virtual experience Rebuttal •The benefits do not outweigh the negative effects, explain my reasoning for this statement Overview of Paragraph •Video games can become addicting, kids spend a lot of their time playing video games leading to a lack of concentration and attention span in school and resulting in low performance compared to kids who play less •Kids addicted to video games also admit to skipping homework thus they get low grades •Explain the scientific effect video games has on the brain Evidence (proponents) •"The downside of video games is that the more time children and teens spend playing violent video games the more likely they are to display aggressive behavior. Studies show "plugged-in" teens are more likely to be confrontational with adults, have fights at school and get poor grades. •"A study by Argosy University's Minnesota School on Professional Psychology found that video game addicts argue a lot with their teachers, fight a lot with their friends, and score lower grades than others who play video games less often. Other studies show that many game players routinely skip their homework to play games, and many students admitted that their video game habits are often responsible for poor school grades."
VI. Third Body Paragraph Opponents •The Wii and other game systems promote physical activity Rebuttal •They are not the most popular and do not prevent the health issues video games impose Overview of Paragraph •The health consequences of video games •Kids are more prone to obesity etc. Evidence( proponents) •"Video games may also have bad effects on some children’s health, including obesity, video-induced seizures. and postural, muscular and skeletal disorders, such as tendonitis, nerve compression, carpal tunnel syndrome." "Raise Smart Kid." Raise Smart Kid. 05 Feb. 2013 •"One of the most common health issues that is faced by most individuals, adults and children alike, addicted to playing video games is obesity. Addicted gamers often face this problem because they tend to sit in one place for a long time and hence their body practically misses out on any kind of physical activity. Being overweight may increase the risk of developing other ailments in the long run such as high levels of cholesterol, diabetes, hypertension and so on." V. Conclusion •Acknowledge both sides of the argument •Assert my stance on issue •Why is my stance right
You mention the Wii, but Nintendo's console isn't the only one helping promote physical activity. Konami's Dance Dance Revolution Franchise, Microsoft's Kinect and Sony's Playstation Move can all be used as arguments as well...
Kinect is actually a hands-free peripheral, therefore eliminating about a third of your arguments.
Introduction: A) Over 25 percent of Americans consume fast food every day.
B) Junk food and soft drinks are both of the very low nutrition. Junk food is one of the leading causes for the 32 percent of children that are obese and overweight in the United States. Because of this taxes on junk food and soft drinks should be increased. This would not only improve the health of people, but also allow for healthier food to be of a lower price. (thesis) 1. First Paragraph: - Fat tax (define) - counter argument: many people would say that increasing the price of fast food would take away the only source of food for some people. However, taxing junk food would help lower the price of healthy foods "Junk Food Taxes Pay Off, Study Finds; Food-pricing strategies can reduce dietary inequalities, researcher says." (logos) - analysis: most of the people that are obese tend to be of certain demographics, like low income minorities, this increase in fattening foods would help decrease the taxing on healthy foods.
2. Second Paragraph: - Present second argument: it would decrease the amount of health related problems. - Appeal to pathos: use a testimony of someone that has suffered of overweight. -analysis explain how a fat tax would not only help lower the price of healthy foods but also help health. 3. Third paragraph: evidence: "I was pleasantly surprised that senators looked into this issue," he said, "but I think this amendment does not go far enough. They should have at least brought up the fact that using this oil also causes environmental problems." Gontier is referring to the fact that some palm oil plantations are responsible for deforestation and other environmental issues in countries that produce it such as Indonesia and Malaysia. analysis: most people are unaware that what they put into their body is so unhealthy, it even causes environmental issues.
4. Conclusion: - Acknowledge both arguments - restate the benefits of having a fat tax
sources: "Fast Food." Doctors, Patient Care, Health Education, Medical Research. Palo Alto Medical Foundation, n.d. Web. 21 Feb. 2013. "French Senator Proposes 'Nutella Tax'." PRI's The World 13 Nov. 2012. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.
I really like your second body paragraph it is very convincing. I think you should consider developing a paragraph about how this would also help the economy, I mean if it does. I also think that you should consider acknowleding that the fat tax has to be accompained by eduating the public to really have an effect on peoples health.
I think that everything you have so far is very strong, especially our arguments because they all make sense! They appeal to our logic-of course we want a healthier society. Your intro could be more extensive and as strong as the arguments are. There is so much more you could do there!
Intro/Thesis: Eighteen into is the age where adolescents morph into adults. They have not physically changed, but they do carry more responsibility on their shoulders. They are tried as adults, seen as adults, and left to make adult decisions. Turning eighteen means receiving the rights and responsibilities of adulthood to vote, smoke cigarettes, serve on juries, get married, sign contracts, be prosecuted as adults, and join the military. Adults should get to choose what they do or do not do, whether they smoke or don’t smoke, whether they drink or don’t drink. The drinking age should be lowered to eighteen because at this age they have the power to make their own choices. Just as eighteen year old men have to sign up for the draft and eighteen years olds in general have the right to smoke, alcohol should be a choice and not a taboo topic left to the judgment of a 21-year old mind.
First paragraph: “Excessive alcohol consumption contributes to more than 4,600 deaths among underage youth, that is, persons less than 21 years of age, in the United States each year.”
“Alcohol and Public Health: CDC Quick Stats on Age 21 Minimum Legal Drinking Age.” CDC. 3 September 2008. www.cdc.gov/print.do?url=http://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/quickstat; citing, “Alcohol Related Disease Impact (ARDI),” CDC. September 3, 2008.
Rebuttal: "Higher traffic accident and fatality rates occur during the first few years of legal drinking regardless of age. In 2009, the 21- to 24-year-old age group had the highest percentage of drivers in fatal crashes with blood-alcohol concentration (BAC) levels of .08 or higher – 35 percent. Any increase in traffic accidents or fatalities in 18- to 20-year-olds would be offset by a decrease for those 21 and older."
Peter Asch and David T. Levy, "Young Driver Fatalities: The Roles of Drinking Age and Drinking Experience," Southern Economic Journal, Oct. 1990
Your intro/thesis is really strong. When you mention the privileges that 18 year olds already have, it really increases credibility and makes the audience want to listen to your argument even if they disagree.
Second paragraph: “Many rights in the United States begin at 21 or older, and the dangers posed by alcohol warrant a higher age of initiation than 18, 19, or 20. A person can legally gamble in a casino in most states at age 21, purchase a handgun at age 21, adopt a child at age 21, rent a car (for most companies) at age 25, and run for President at age 35.”
James C. Fell, "An Examination of the Criticisms of the Minimum Legal Drinking Age 21 Laws in the United States from a Traffic-safety Perspective," www.udetc.org, Oct. 2008
Rebuttal: “There are many privileges a person gets when they turn 18 years of age. First, and most importantly, they are legally considered an adult. They can vote and enlist in the military. Since 18 is such a pivotal point in a young person's life, many people scoff at alcohol being illegal. It is hard to argue against the “my son/daughter can serve their country for three years without being able to have a legal drink” line of reasoning. If someone is willing to die for their country, why do we assume they aren't responsible to have a beer?”
McConnell, Euan. "3 Arguments For The Lowering Of The Drinking Age In America." Articlesbase.com. Articlesbase.com, 29 Dec. 2009. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Third paragraph: “Put simply, teenagers have not developed the cognitive, social, and psychological mechanisms that are needed to make thoughtful and logical decisions about alcohol use; in addition, their bodies have not finished their physical maturation process. Thus, the government’s changing the legal drinking age from 21 to a lower age would be the equivalent of endorsing the short-circuiting of the maturation processes that are vital to human development and which pave the way for responsible participation in society.”
Smith, Nicole. "Argument in Favor of Maintaining the Legal Drinking Age." Article Myriad. N.p., 5 Dec. 2011. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Rebuttal: “Most teens in modern society turn 21 while in college. This can be troublesome because they are on their own. They are learning about alcohol consumption from their peers, who don't know much more than they do. People make the argument that by lowering the drinking age to 18, parents still have some time to teach their young adults about responsible drinking. As my Seattle criminal lawyer told me, accidents involving binge drinking college students have a much higher mortality rate than alcohol related accidents associated with an older age.”
McConnell, Euan. "3 Arguments For The Lowering Of The Drinking Age In America." Articlesbase.com. Articlesbase.com, 29 Dec. 2009. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
You have very good arguments. As I was reading and I thought of a different one, you covered them. I agree with Amanda, your intro is good because you give examples of what they are "allowed to do" at the age of 18. It strengthened your intro.
Thesis: Marriage is a custom that has been maintained throughout various civilizations for centuries. It still stands in our society, to this day. Today, however, it is often restricted to man and woman. This is in direct contradiction to its previous liberties; Marriage, in the past, has been allowed between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. There's no plausible reason it shouldn't be that way today. In today’s world, same sex marriage is seen and an abomination to society with disastrous effects on the minds of people. Not taking into consideration the positive effects that the legalization of gay marriage can have on society, society itself has isolated itself from the positive effects of same sex marriage and drenched itself with the negative.
P1 -define traditional marriage in today's society Opponents -against their religion -Gay marriage could potentially lead down a "slippery slope” ending with giving people in polygamous, incestuous, bestial, and other nontraditional relationships the right to marry. -Can't reproduce People should not have their tax dollars used to support something they find wrong. -Marriage is a religious right. Same-sex marriage is not a civil right, and conflating the issue with interracial marriage is misleading.
P2(proponents) -All human beings have certain needs and rights they should not be denied. -Same-sex couples want to marry to create a firm personal and legal foundation for their own lives and security for their current and future children. -Married couples can help and support each other in a variety of ways because laws and regulations are written to help that happen - for example, people are able to take time off to help their hospitalized spouse. -Gay marriage will make it easier for same-sex couples to adopt children. In the US, 100,000 children are waiting to be adopted. -There is no such thing as traditional marriage. Given the prevalence of modern and ancient examples of family arrangements based on polygamy, communal child-rearing, the use of concubines and mistresses and the commonality of prostitution, heterosexual monogamy can be considered "unnatural” in evolutionary terms.
P3(rebuttal) -Religious beliefs only hold so much ground in the foundation of our countries law making. The most common argument for the banning of gay marriage is the religious one. However not all religions believe in the concept of banning the marriage between two individuals. -You can debate theology, and the divide between church and state, the issue of procreation, the red herring of polygamy. But what it all really comes down to is the primary institution of love. The small percentage of people who are gay or lesbian were born with the capacity to love and the need to be loved.
Conclusion -state both arguments -state how the positive effects outweigh the negative effects
Jorge this is good! I am a little confused. I'm not sure if you actually state your opinion here or if that is the research. If it is, it very crucial to make your opinion clear!
I have to agree with Brenda on her point! After reading the paragraphs I agree it's really good info but maybe add more to show your stance. That way as we read it we know clearly what side you're on.
Sources: Sullivan, Andrew. "Why Gay Marriage Is Good for Straight America." The Daily Beast. Newsweek/Daily Beast, 18 July 2011. Web. 12 Feb. 2013
The Gay Marriage Decision: Ethics, Morality and Law in Conflict." The Gay Marriage Decision: Ethics, Morality and Law in Conflict. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"Why Gay Marriage Should Be Legalized." - DivineCaroline. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
The Gay Marriage Decision: Ethics, Morality and Law in Conflict." The Gay Marriage Decision: Ethics, Morality and Law in Conflict. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"Arguments for Gay Marriage: Moral and Social Arguments for Gay Marriage." About.com Agnosticism / Atheism. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"Gay Marriage Debates." The Premiere Online Debate Website. N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
"Gay Marriage ProCon.org." Gay Marriage ProCon.org. Ed. Pro Con. Procon, 18 Jan. 2013. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
Introduction: As history has proven time and time again, society is always hesitant to acknowledge the benefits of anything new. Humans find conformity in their lives, so whenever some new phenomenon sweeps the nation, we will always find organizations standing up and hyperbolizing all the negative effects of thus phenomenon. Video games are our current phenomenon, seeping their way into every computer, tablet, television, and even cell phone. With new games releasing every day, a select few have become the sources of heated discussions about their violence and sexism. A recent YouTuber named Anita Sarkeesian has started a channel titled “Feminist Frequency” which has created a series of videos detailing the “misogyny” in video games, as well as their use of over-sexualized women. As much as I’d enjoy defending video game violence, my following argument will deal with the supposed sexism in video games. Not only will I expose the many holes in Sarkeesian’s arguments, but also show that most games aren’t demeaning women in any way.
Opposing:
-by: Emily Matthew
"Similarly, when asked if they had ever had their gaming taste, ability, or skill questioned because of their gender, 77.8% of women said that they had (compared to 6.4% of men)."
"When they were asked if they had ever participated in sexist behavior and comments, only 9.4% of participants said “yes,” with 10.6% of men and 7.3% of women giving this answer. Men were only 3.3% more likely to exhibit sexism – a number within the margin of error."
^This quote proves that much of this information is opinion based and might be unreliable. However, much of this research can only be studied through opinions rather than facts. Also, most of this research is based around XBOX Live rather than videogames.
"Lara Croft ruined all of that, though. And now, with a reboot of the “Tomb Raider” series being released in March, it seems Lara will get back to work soon enough. The new developers of the reboot have been careful to avoid the normal pitfalls of Lara Croft — the comically skinny waist, large breasts and exposed midriff — that plagued the original games."
Proposing
-“Male characters are just as sexually and physically objectified in video games as female characters. They’re built like Greek statues and chiseled to the core dripping with sweat, blood and dirt wielding a gun with muscles budging in skin tight t-shirts. Boys portrayed as the tough killing machine. Tell me that it’s not in some way objectifying a male character’s masculinity.” -KiteTales
- Lead graphic artist Toby Gard went through about five designs before arriving at the character's final appearance. He initially envisioned a male lead character with a whip and a hat. Core Design co-founder Jeremy Smith characterized the design as derivative of Indiana Jones, and asked for more originality. Gard decided that a female character would work better from a design standpoint. He also claimed a desire to counter stereotypical female characters, which he has characterized as "bimbos" or "dominatrix" types. Smith was sceptical of a female lead at first because few contemporary games featured them. He came to regard a female lead as a great hook and put faith in Gard's idea.Inspired by pop artist Neneh Cherry and comic book character Tank Girl, Gard experimented with different designs, including a muscular woman and a Nazi-like militant He settled on a tough South American woman with a braid named Laura Cruz. -Wikipedia
^This quote proves that Croft, along with other female protagonists, have a deeper role in their journey than just looking “sexy”.
I really like your hook I think it's definitely an interesting one!
I like the proposal about men being "chiseled to the core" like greek statues. It's great imagery so If you go deeper into that and use specific examples I think that would be great.
i love the quote about the overly muscular guys in video games, it contradicts the argument of sexualizing women, talk more about the whole strong female protagonist role you mentioned in tomb raider, perhaps mention her reboot which is rougher than shes ever been. i dont know if your going to mention more characters other than lara but a sugggestion would be commander Shepard whos is referred to by last name to not give a definite gender to allow flexibility despite the male version being displayed on the cover. and i feel your not touching on enough points to make a sound arguement, try look for more points to your arguement.
Thesis: The Selective Service has been around since the time of World War 1. The draft in the 70's with the Vietnam War, sparked extreme resentment among the citizens. Conscription is something that the US can do without. The Selective Service forces young men to sign up for military service in a crisis is simply outrageous. For young men, barely beginning their lives finally independent now have to face the daunting possibility of being shipped off and maybe being stranded, or worse yet die in a foreign country. The US really does not need this, if an incident does happen they have allies that will help us, since we are a heavy trade partner for most of the world's powerful country's.
P1: addressing the arguments for the Selective Service.
- The US needs a large standing army in case the Middle East or North Korea erupt in mass warfare or chaos within their regions - Men should be proud to sign up for the military as it is defending all that America stands for: liberty, justice and helping others - The recruited soldiers would mainly be those who are not in college, but the men who barely have a high school diploma or of course those who never received one.
P2: Main rebuttal
- The Selective Service is sapping money. A draft has not been used since Vietnam, and should not be since the US is the top military spender on the UN's security counsel which includes the likes of China, Great Britain, Russia, and France; whom are all permanent members and powerful economies of the world. - enlisting in the military should be a choice, and there would always be a pretty large military and arsenal so the US has little to fear.
P3: My argument (continued)
- since women are now more integrated into the front lines they should be required to enlist although have a smaller age range since they are the life givers.
- the fact that we want or try to beef up our military might end up costing us more, a worse image one of mistrust, sort of an arms race which can end up provoking other countries leading to a disaster.
i would suggest going into detail in your second paragraph about exactly how much we spend on the military of the u.s and what we spend it on, mention how we have the most advanced weaponry like fighter jets and guns, and your third paragraph is very unclear to me. make your position on women clearer.
You have good points so far, but you could also add how many people sign up voluntarily in order to demonstrate that selective service is not necessary since enough people are willing to go to war if needed.
Coffman, Mike. "I still believe we are wasting money on the Selective Service." Hill 9 May 2011: 20. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 8 Feb. 2013.
Carter, Terry Ann. "Wash Your Filthy Hands." Windsor Review: A Journal of the Arts 45.1 (2012): 100+. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
McSally, Martha E. "Defending America in Mixed Company: Gender in the U.S. Armed Forces." Daedalus 140.3 (2011): 148+. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Intro: Hook: To some, five seconds could mean nothing. In five seconds there is nothing that can really be done. But when you’re behind the wheel, even taking your eyes off the road for those five seconds could end up changing your life. Thesis: Many states have become aware of the dangers of driving distracters, however the laws should be implemented nation wide because there has been an increase in deaths due to driving distracters such as eating, putting on makeup, and using any hand held device.
Paragraph 1: Driving and its safety Distracted driving is any activity that could divert a person's attention away from the primary task of driving. All distractions endanger driver, passenger, and bystander safety. These types of distractions include:Texting Using a cell phone or Smartphone, Eating and drinking ,Talking to passengers, Grooming, Reading, including maps Using a navigation system ,Watching a video Adjusting a radio, CD player, or MP3 player Texting while driving is equivalent to that of driving four seconds blind Drivers who use hand-held devices are 4 times more likely to get into crashes serious enough to injure themselves. http://www.distraction.gov/content/get-the-facts/facts-and-statistics.html
Paragraph 2: Implemented laws To be sure, cell phones are not the only distractions on the road while driving. From eating hamburgers, yogurt, and even soup, to adjusting the car stereo, opportunities to take one's eyes off the road abound. However, cell phone use in cars has been on the rise for a number of years, and accidents caused by drivers who are texting or talking on phones while they are driving have increased. According to the September 23, 2010 issue of the Christian Science Monitor, "[t]exting while driving likely caused more than 16,000 road fatalities between 2002 and 2007." "Introduction to Distracted Driving: At Issue." Distracted Driving. Ed. Stefan Kiesbye. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. At Issue. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Opponent: Despite the current epidemic of texting-while-driving, fatal crashes in the United States have not spiked, and even though many state legislators get tough on distracted drivers, new laws have failed to make an impact. At best, cell phone bans around the country might take years to become effective, just like drunk driving laws before them; at worst they may prove as futile as anti-speeding campaigns of the past. It's been almost 150 years since the first speeding law took effect, yet people speed all the time, and even strict enforcement has limited impact.
Halsey, Ashley. "Laws Against Texting While Driving Are Ineffective." Distracted Driving. Ed. Stefan Kiesbye. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. At Issue. Rpt. from "Laws Are Not Dissuading Drivers From Texting, Report Finds." Washington Post 29 Sept. 2010. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Paragraph 3: testimonials How it has affected others Obviously texting while driving is dangerous and should be banned. We shouldn't stop there, though - all distracted driving should be banned. Today while driving down East Bay Drive, I saw a white SUV swerving out of its lane. As I passed, I expected to see the driver texting; instead I saw a woman looking in her rearview mirror putting on her mascara. "IT'S NOT JUST THE TEXTERS." Tampa Bay Times [St. Petersburg, FL] 4 Jan. 2013: 20. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013. AT&T’s documentary Don’t Text While Driving a young man Patrick said, “I sent one stupid meaningless text ‘LOL’ and killed a man.” AT&T Don't Text While Driving Documentary. Prod. A. AT&T Don't Text While Driving Documentary. N.p., 20 Dec. 2010. Web. 23 Jan. 2013..
Conclusuion Restate thesis State both sides of argument
I really like how you labeled each paragraph and gave it its own title. I think you are missing the rebuttals. I also like how you include all the different distractions making it more credible. Good work!!
your hook is truly a hook. It grabs attention, and it's really good. But once you get to the thesis, i think you need to make your stance a little stronger to show you believe its the best possible option for your argument.
Thesis: As single-sex schools become more common, education system should begin to realize that, yes it benefits students' grades, but it does not benefit their futures. Because students are separated from their opposite sex, they become unaware and unable to handle difficult situations with them when the time comes. Separating boys and girls for the sole purpose of increasing test scores only benefits those school they attend.
Proponent: --Separating boys and girls in schools can causes gender stereotyping, sexism, and misunderstanding in the future. "…there is evidence that sex segregation increases gender stereotyping and legitimizes institutional sexism…Social scientists have found that labeling and separating students based on almost any characteristic (e.g., sex, eye color, randomly assigned t-shirts) makes those differences even more salient to the students and produces intergroup bias. No wonder students who have been divided by sex for years need help learning how to work and learn together."
--Separating boys and girls can easily be compared to separating races, and the damages that it does to the students. "Its unconstitutional...We know that segregating by race was one of the worst mistakes of our cultural and educational history. With a growing number of publicly-funded single-sex classrooms and schools (more than 500 in 40 states), could we be repeating the mistakes of our past without knowing it?”
--Some families cannot afford the expensive tuition that single-sex schools would require, and therefore would be excluded from possible education opportunities. "...the demand for admission is more competitive than at other types of schools, according to an article by Richard Harker in the June 2000 issue of the "British Journal of Sociology of Education." This demand raises the tuition fees. As a result, girls and boys from lower-income families have less of a chance of acceptance than those from moneyed families."
Rebuttal: 1) “…The Foundation studied 2,954 high schools throughout England, where single-sex public high schools are widely available. They released their report on July 8 2002. They found: Even after controlling for students' academic ability and other background factors, both girls and boys did significantly better in single-sex schools than in coed schools."
Opposition: --Single-sex schools help decrease teen pregnancy "Wayne Commeford, who was then principal of James Lyng High School in Montreal Quebec... told us how the pregnancy rate at his high school plummeted after Mr. Commeford reinvented the school as a dual academy with girls and boys separate for all classes. The rate dropped from about 15 girls a year to about 1 or 2 per year. We have heard similar stories from other administrators..."
--It is proven that single-sex schools help grades "Studies have shown that some students learn better in a single-gender environment, particularly in math and science...[with single-sex education,] Girls...have made so much progress in educational achievement that women are overrepresented in postgraduate education..."
Rebuttal: 1) “Learning is best accomplished when the delivery method matches the subject matter. It is the quality of teachers’ training, lessons, and classroom management practices — and not gender of their students — that determines how much learning occurs in their classrooms."
2) In upper elementary and middle school, girls often develop and mature more quickly than boys. Boys may develop some maturity as a result of observing and working with girls. Small amounts of competition spur each group to do better academically. Without some competition and observation, male students may lose out on increased academic and emotional growth."
Topic: Violence and sex should be prohibited from television Thesis: The rise of violence seen in the U.S. has sparked many controversies. Some say the increase in these crimes have been due to amount of violence shown on television, while others disagree. Unfortunately, research shows that what people watch on television has a direct impact on people’s actions and thoughts. Others Say: (Opponent) -“Local journalist Conrad Angula said: "I think it is childish and unfortunate. Maybe he (the president) is going to bore people to death. Its definitely a bad move.” Rebuttal: Although one may say it is a bad move, the facts are true. The violence is increasing and youth view more television than adults because they have more time than adults due.
-Facts: -Children watch on average between two and four hours of television every day; -The occurrence of violence on television has increased by 75% since 1998 and has increased across the board on all five of the major broadcast networks; -On average, American youth view more than 1,000 murders, rapes, and assaults each year on television. -Sadly, by the time our children leave elementary school, they will have seen on average 100,000 acts of violence on television. -Others Say: -“Under our Constitution, the proper response is plain, even though it is not simple: give parents more power to control what their children see. But Congress's attention at this time seems instead to signal an intent to involve the Federal Government more deeply in what we are allowed to see on our television sets. The FCC [Federal Communications Commission], for instance, has suggested that Congress "time channel" certain shows to late night time slots or implement a government-run ratings system. Such attempts to restrict free speech would be grave mistakes—and ones that the courts are unlikely to tolerate.” Rebuttal:
-“Evidence is growing that the fear induced in children by the media is sometimes severe and long-lasting. A survey of more than 2,000 elementary and middle school children revealed that heavy television viewing was associated with self-reported symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. Watching more than six hours of television a day put children at greater risk for scoring in the clinical range of these trauma symptoms. A survey of nearly 500 parents of elementary school children found that the children who watched television just before bedtime had greater difficulty falling asleep, were more anxious at bedtime, and had higher rates of nightmares. It is difficult to draw firm causal conclusions from these studies, which simply correlate television watching and anxiety, but it seems more likely that heavy watching would trigger fearfulness than that skittish children would seek out television before bedtime.”
Others Say: -“At the same time, parents have gained unprecedented control over the tube. Since 2000, all new TV sets have come equipped with a government-mandated "V-chip," which allows parents to automatically block specific programs based on violence, language or sexual content ratings. The typical TV or cable/satellite box includes other controls as well that allow the blocking of channels and restrict access to the set.”
Rebuttal: Not always do parents know how to block channels and not always is there that option. Therefore: -"Our kids are surrounded by these brutal representations of girls and women, and it is no wonder that women and young girls are the victims of male violence. No wonder that 20% of college girls will be sexually assaulted by guys they know in school. And it is no wonder that boys as young as 14 are capable of raping little girls as young as 11. How else are they to perceive girls if they are inundated daily with images of half-humans, half-living women, looking "sick and sexified," as Kesha's new song ["We R Who We R," 2010] goes.” -“When I am home, I meet with West Virginia parents and educators and they have told me that children's behavior is becoming more aggressive and at times crude or explicit, and that they blame television for much of the problem.”
Conclusion: Restatment of thesis State both sides of argument Restate opinion
Sources: DelVecchio, Marina. "Sexualized Violence in the Media Contributes to Violence Against Women." Media Violence. Ed. Noah Berlatsky. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "The Media's Contribution to Violence Against Women." TheNewAgenda.net. 2011. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Wilson, Barbara J. "Violence in the News Increases Children's Fear and Anxiety." Media Violence. Ed. Noah Berlatsky. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "Media and Children's Aggression, Fear, and Altruism." The Future of Children Spring 2008. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Rockefeller IV, John D. "The Government Should Strictly Regulate Television Violence." Television. Margaret Haerens. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2011. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "Impact of Media Violence on Children." U.S. Senate Committee on Commerce, Science & Transportation, 2007. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 6 Feb. 2013. "Nujoma's 'No Sex, No Violence' Ban Offends Namibian Viewers." Africa News Service 4 Oct. 2002: 1008277u6744. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013
Tribe, Laurence H. "The Government Should Not Regulate Violence on Television." Media Violence. Ed. Louise I. Gerdes. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2004. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "Draft Op Ed on Regulations of Television Violence." www.house.gov. 2007. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Gillespie, Nick. "The FCC Should Not Regulate Violence on Television." Is Media Violence a Problem? Stefan Kiesbye. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2010. At Issue. Rpt. from "The FCC's Not Our Mommy and Daddy." Los Angeles Times 2 May 2007. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.
Intro: A lot of things come to mind when people are asked what they think of America. Freedom. America the great. Liberty. Equality. Hard work. Justice. The American dream. America is number one. Number one at what exactly? Because it certainly isn’t education or freedom. Thesis: While the U.S. may be one of the better countries to live in, it is not the greatest. In fact it is far from the greatest; America needs much improvement economically, politically, and socially.” Things that America offers such as freedom and opportunity, can now be found in other countries. America needs vast improvement in order to claim the title of, “Greatest Country in the World.” Part 1 Discuss how America does in terms of freedom, equality and happiness. Evidence: The U.S. ranks 47th in press freedom, according to Reporters Without Borders. So much for freedom of the press. The U.S. is only the 11th happiest country in the world, according Columbia University's Earth Institute. In terms of the percentage of women holding public office, the U.S. ranks 79th out of 147 countries, says the IP Opponent: How does one measure ideas such as freedom, liberty and happiness? They are concepts that cannot be measured in numbers. Rebuttal: Then where did the idea that America has a great amount of it? We claim to be number one so if it can’t be measured then why did we start claiming to be “number one”? Part 2: America’s is economically troubled and money is being spent on mostly spent on defense instead of addressing the U.S other problems such as its failing education system and it’s increasing poverty level. Evidence: "The United States spends 58 percent of the total defense dollars paid out by the world's top 10 military powers, which combined for $1.19 trillion in military funding in 2011. With its unparalleled global reach, the US outspends China, the next-biggest military power, by nearly 6-to-1." As President Barack Obama is set to begin his second term, new statistics on America’s poverty rate indicate that nearly 50 million Americans, more than 16 percent of the population, are struggling to survive. Opponent: These issues happen in a lot of countries, there are other countries that have it worse, and these issues are inevitable. Rebuttal: Yes issues like poverty is inevitable, the issue is extremely large and should never have been so large. Also because other countries have these problems it does not mean it is okay for America to have it. I thought America was supposed to be great, and last time I checked poverty isn’t so great. Part 3 Foreigners don’t like America, and many Americans don’t even think America is the greatest Sigmund Freud hated America. He couldn’t stand being called “Sigmund” by his informal hosts. He believed that Americans had channeled their sexuality into an unhealthy obsession with money. And he seethed at his own need for the dollars that we had in such unseemly abundance. “Is it not sad,” he wrote to a German friend after World War I, “that we are materially dependent on these savages, who are not a better class of human beings? Just under half, 49 percent, of Americans agree with the statement, "Our people are not perfect, but our culture is superior to others," according to a survey from the Pew Research Center. Forty-six percent of Americans say they disagree with the statement. The percentage of Americans who think their nation's culture is superior has declined in the past decade, according to Pew -- in 2007, 55 percent called American culture superior, while about 60 percent did so in 2002. Opponent: There is still a large amount of people who still believe in American exceptionalism including President Obama. These polls do not represent all of America. Rebuttal: While there is nothing wrong with having pride in one’s countries, we must be willingly to admit that there are flaws and problems in our country, so we can solve these problems and go back to being “the greatest.”
You have good arguments and the quotes you found go hand in hand with your arguments. The fact that you have the opponents argument are your rebuttal will help you on your essay. You can maybe include some real life stories. For example the way the struggle of a lower income family.
I agree with Monica in that you provide a hefty amount of evidence from different aspects like historical figures and events. The appeal to pathos would strenghten your essay (in order to have the three appeals) and like Monica mentioned, it could include a personal story or experience.
Topic: Should women be allowed to fight in the front line Intro/ thesis: Should women be allowed to the front line is a debatable question that still cannot be answered. The constitution states that “All men are created equal” however, this does not apply to women in the case. Although some may argue that women are able to reach men’s physical ability, women are emotionally weaker than men. Women, are also the heart of life , they were not made for killing but instead to create life, therefore women should not be allowed to fight into combat. Evidence 1: • Women tend to be emotionally weaker than men which can affect the front line. • As said by a study of everyday health, “Women reported experiencing love and anger much more intensely than men did in another assessment of gender differences in emotional response. These women also smiled more when recalling memories of happiness or love.” • Women become a distraction to men. • According to a study published in Social physiological and personality science, “testosterone levels increased in men when attractive women were present. Since testosterone is a sex hormone, and has also been shown to play a role in fight-or-flight responses and risk-taking behaviors, this result is not surprising”. • With a woman’s presence it can affect the way men perform. Evidence 2: • Sexual desire of opposite sex. • Relationship amongst themselves is allowed and raises risk. • Women pregnancy and loss of a trained fighter, since they are forced to be sent home for their own safety.
Evidence 3 • The percentage of women that have the ability to keep up with a man’s physical action is very tiny. • As stated by a man during an interview, whose name was not mentioned, who was in the military and trained with women, “They were great but physically there wasn’t a single one of them who can complete a force march, there wasn’t a single female who can keep up even among the weakest guys there… women’s standards are also loosened up compared to men’s”. • They decrease the level of difficulty for women’s training. Helping them pass the test.
Conclusion Although women are mentally equal to men, they are physically and emotionally in the disadvantage. Having women in the military can become a disadvantage to the U.S. The U.S is known for having one of the strongest military systems. The military has strength, integrity, courage, and uniformity. This would be ruined if women are allowed into the military. Women will become a temptation/ distraction to men and the military will slowly break apart. Even though this contradicts the strong and lengthy fighting women have done for equality for hundreds of years, the military is a place where equality is not a choice for women.
You provided a wide range of different sources in different aspects of combat and military life to show why women would not be suitable for combat in the military. I think you should address the opposing view and after addressing the opponent, use some of the evidence you have as a rebuttal to strenghten your credibility.
You have strong arguments that appeal strongly to logos. You should mention Rostker vs Goldberg. I think you also should mention the number of countries that actually let women on the front lines.
Introduction: Walking out of a hospital to take a breath of fresh air is typical among the ones who go in and out of it. Having to breathe the smoke trailing from someone’s cigarette in the same place however, is also typical and can become unpleasant for some. The people coming in and out of such public places include those who are sick, children, elderly, etc. many of whom should not be inhaling harmful chemicals. The air we breathe is an essential and necessary part of life. Certain chemicals pollute our air on a daily basis and among those chemicals that come to mind stand a killer, second-hand smoke. The second-hand smoke or ETS (Environmental Tobacco Smoke) that comes from individuals making decisions about their own health becomes a part of public air and public health, now posing a threat to the health of others including the most vulnerable, children and those with health conditions. P1 ETS, passive smoking, second-hand smoke: inhalation of smoke by persons other than the intended “active” smoker. “No doubt, workers could be irritated by ETS, but then, they could also be irritated by perfume. Indeed, excessive perfume is considered an indoor air pollutant in some quarters, along with cooking odors.” Michael D. Shaw Up In Secondhand Smoke: What Does Science Tell Us? 14 March 2005 http://www.gasdetection.com/Interscan_News/health_news_digest6.html. 12 Feb. 2013
“Children exposed to secondhand smoke are at an increased risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), acute respiratory infections, ear problems, and more severe asthma. The report also links second-hand smoke to coronary heart disease and lung cancer in adults and notes that even a brief exposure to second-hand smoke has immediate adverse effects on a person's cardiovascular system.” "Surgeon General Declares Second-Hand Smoke Indisputable and Alarming Public Health Hazard; Nymox (NASDAQ: NYMX) TobacAlert(TM) Product Detects Second-Hand Smoke Exposure." Business Wire 28 June 2006. General OneFile. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"The harmful effects of second-hand smoke on children are well known. Children are especially vulnerable to tobacco smoke as they breathe faster than adults, meaning they inhale and absorb more pollutants per kilogram of body weight than adults. Proportional to their weight, kids ingest considerable amounts of toxic chemicals that adversely affect their development and that of their respiratory, immune and nervous systems." National Non-smoking Week: Let's protect our children against second-hand smoke. The America's Intelligence Wire. Jan 23, 2013 pNA. 7 Feb. 2013
P2 “The ability to go into a restaurant without having to ask for a non-smoking area is long over due here. With a smoking ban, customers won't have to worry about smoke filling their so-called non-smoking side of restaurants. Those smokers or restaurant owners who believe that smoke doesn't travel across a room or can't find its way through a door need to take a second look at how smoke travels in their establishments.” "OPINION: Move along with smoking ban." Wyoming Tribune-Eagle [Cheyenne, WY] 30 Sept. 2005. General OneFile. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
“But in our industry it should be about choice. Going to a restaurant or pub is not a necessity, it is a treat. Most smokers already step outside of a restaurant to have a cigarette. But non-smokers also have the choice not to go into a restaurant or pub that allows smoking." "Mixed reaction to smoke plan." Europe Intelligence Wire 6 July 2004. General OneFile. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Rebuttal: IF you are a smoker, you know you are a prime candidate for heart trouble. So, if you are not a smoker, don't let these tobacco addicts blow smoke in your direction, warns ANNIE FREEDA CRUEZ YOU had better tell your father and brother not to smoke in the house. And when you are at work, make sure nobody smokes in the office, not even the boss. For if they smoke and you don't, you become a "passive smoker", someone who comes into contact with "second-hand" smoke. "Death, passively." New Straits Times 28 May 2006. General OneFile. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
P3
-"I know that passive smoking is the real issue but there have always been smoking pubs and it always seemed fine. I don't see why there can't be a mixture of smoking and non-smoking pubs so we can still have a choice. It goes back to the whole issue of the nanny state." -Michael Smith, 29 "Passive smoke ban too late for rosemary." Europe Intelligence Wire 8 Mar. 2006. General OneFile. Web. 13 Feb. 2013
"It is now established beyond doubt that inhaling second hand smoke (SHS) as a result of (tobacco) smoking is harmful. There is no safe level of exposure. According to the World Bank exposure to second-hand smoke causes an estimated 5% of the global burden of disease, slightly higher than the burden from direct use of tobacco (4%), but this is largely concentrated in a few countries. [sup][1] Globally, about one third of adults are regularly exposed to second-hand tobacco smoke. " Second-hand Smoke: A neglected public health challenge. Rana Singh, Pranay Lal. Indian Journal of Public Health. July-Sept 2011 v55 i3 p192. 5 Feb. 2013
"According to a recent report from (World Health Organisation) WHO, every year 600,000 children die in the world because of SHS. Smokers should not have the right to disperse into the air a known toxic, smelly substance for others to breathe, regardless of how long the practice has been tolerated in our society. According to WHO, implementation of a smoking ban at public places is the single most important step any country can take to decrease the burden of tobacco-related diseases. "
Exposure to second-hand smoke. Weekly Cutting Edge Lahore. Feb 12, 2011 pNA.
Conclusion: Acknowledge opponent or what others say first and then acknowledge proponent side and include a scenario with a public smoking ban.
I like how in your intro you could hear your voice. To strengthen your essay remember that your conclusion should connect to a bigger picture, something that tells you about the human character
• Intro/thesis: As a child I recall watching my fair share of violent movies that have been deemed as unacceptable to children of my age. I would stay up late at night laying in the darkness listening for the shrill snores of my father signaling the start to my movie marathon that would sometimes end up with my hiding under my covers; the only impenetrable field to the monsters that lurked in the shadows of my room. The studies that have been done have concluded that these movies I and many others have watched could have had a psychological impact so profound that it would “desensitize” us and makes us more “likely” to be more “aggressive.” movies with any indication of violence have been targeted by many groups of people who claim they are what’s wrong with our society. Acts of rape, killing, and stealing have been connected to movies by researchers and concerned parents and citizens looking for a scapegoat to their problems. In times of great adversity people look for who is to blame. But movies are the only scape goats of civilization, televison,books, television and many more have been blamed for the unfortunate crimes of our society but there is no one source of all our problems. Violence has always existed and it will continue to do so, with or without movies. • #1the children debate-it’s very influential to children o There is a blur between phantasy and reality. A common thing among children but eventually they do grow up o the monkey see monkey do debate- children do whatever they see 'What I saw on the news won't happen to me. I can protect myself.'" o Evidence- children reenact things not simply because of a blur between the lines of reality it is justified by rationality o Kids try to make sense of what they see on a screen, they make games to reassure themselves and by blurring the lines of fantasy they do that o Imitating is essential in child development because it is a coping method that gently ushers a child into a harsher reality
• #2 violence from adults o The imitators of fantasy-movies that have sparked killings o Evidence “In Oldboy, for example, the Korean film that has been most often cited as having influenced the Virginia Tech shooter.” o Disprove evidence by explaining concept of movie o Most people who do this are mentally unstable. Most considered mentally insane and are not sent to jail. o Mental unstable state- they are likely to kill someone anyway, why does the inspiration matter if the final result was inevitable? o “Don’t you blame the movies? Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative”quote from movie scream. • #3 most important source of opponents argument- scientific studies o “evaluating 700 elementary school age children found that those who witnessed violence, including television violence, were more likely to consider it "normal." o This evidence claims children are more “aggressive” and “desensitized” because what they saw was considered “normal to them” o Define normal and who dictates what normal is o Scientists use the phrase “more likely a lot” does this mean their evidence is not sound? o Questions asked in these studies are not accurate. o More aggrieve behavior toward others because in questionnaire they would resolve conflict with violence. There’s a difference between wanting to beat someone up and actually doing it. • Conclusion: restate thesis, acknowledge movies do have some impact but ultimately there not to lame
I really enjoyed reading your introduction. Very nicely crafted. I do NOT believe you should simply restate your thesis as your conclusion. You can do much more in order to further your purpose. Try using another quote or an example?
Introduction- -Topic sentence: When considering animal testing the first thoughts are torturing poor animals. But what about the sick child dying from cancer, the man with HIV/AIDS, or even an animal itself dying from heart worms? -Thesis: Every single day thousands of lives affected by cancer, HIV and many other lethal diseases are saved due to the new treatments tested on animals. Animal research has increased the amount of drugs and vaccines that help give people more time to live if not a full healthy life. As medicine is advancing, people can now fight the once incurable diseases that unfortunately kill millions everyday.
-Proponent (First body paragraph): Animals are used under the Animal Welfare Act of 1966. (Which means the places used for biomedical research are under careful watch, they're inspected often to insure that the animals are provided with adequate care).
-Proponent (Second body paragraph): Human trials are dangerous and are not always useful because there are a lot of things you can't try in a human trial. Animal testing has found immense amounts of drugs and treatments to help improve medicine. (Animal testing has provided new ideas and possibilities for people with diseases that before were considered incurable. Testing on animals is vital if the goal is to better human health).
-Opponent (Third body paragraph): Animals are put through pain, distress and a vast majority of the animals die from all the chemicals they are exposed too. Animals react differently from humans, which means if the drug doesn't harm mice it doesn't mean it can't harm a human.
-Rebuttal (Fourth body paragraph): The supporters of animal testing claim that these animals would otherwise be euthanized. The number comes to approximately 1.1% of dogs and cats euthanized in shelters. According to them, at the most, one dog or cat is used in research for the 50 that are destroyed in animal shelters. Most of the research is conducted on rodents such as rats or mice. Rodents constitute 85-90% of the research animals.
-Conclusion: Animal research has contributed to many of the medical advances we have today. Without several of these tests we would not have many vaccines and medicines that help rid people of illnesses. The lives of millions are placed in the hands of doctors and scientists, and these animals help save lives.
Murnagha, Ian. "Using Animals for Testing: Pros Versus Cons." Using Animals for Testing: Pros Versus Cons. N.p., 1 July 2011. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
Cohn, Meredith. "Alternatives to Animal Testing Gaining Ground." Baltimore Sun. N.p., 26 Aug. 2010. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
Trull, Frankie L. "Animal Research Saves Lives." Animal Research Saves Lives. N.p., 7 Apr. 2002. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
Topic: Making English the official language of the U.S.
Hook: “We’ve all been there. It’s the end of a long, hard day and the Internet or some other essential technology doesn’t seem to be working correctly. We pick up the phone and call some unknown location, where an automated voiceover energetically instructs us to “press one for English; Oprima dos para Español.” Reluctantly, and with a deep sigh, we remove the receiver from its tightly lodged position between our shoulder and our ear, and press one. – Dillon Lewis “
Thesis : Making English the official language of the United States has been debated for many years. Many believe that it is essential in order to keep the people united, but the United States is only contradicting itself since the amendments state otherwise. Having one language will take away from democracy and how the United States was built upon.
Paragraph 1: (Proponent) Having English as the official language will have many non-English speakers feel inferior and cause discrimination against them. “This type of legislation will lead to ethnic and racial intolerance, and confirm to non-native English speakers that they are second class citizens in the eyes of the government of the United States.”
Paragraph 2: (Proponent) Personal Experience: *Still researching*
Paragraph 3: (Opponent) Many Americans believe that making English the official language of the United States will unite everyone and will make it easier for government to communicate. Evidence: “Immigrants of many nationalities built our nation, but the "melting pot" melded us into one people. This long tradition of assimilation has always included the adoption of English as the common means of communication.” Explain in depth.
Rebuttal: However, the government will only contradict themselves and confuse many Americans. Evidence: “Official English policies argue that this type of legislation is unconstitutional. Restricting federal and state employees from communicating with individuals, especially immigrants, in a language other than English violates the first amendment.” “It restricts the government's ability to communicate with all its citizens and prevents many from voting; thereby going against the principle of a democracy, the very essence and foundation this country was built upon.”
Conclusion: Restate thesis and agreement that can be made.
Sources: "Does the United States Need an Official Language?" Does the United States Need an Official Language? N.p., n.d. Web. 06 Feb. 2013.
"Making English the Official Language Contradicts U.S. History, Constitution." The Patriot-News. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
"Debate: English as the Official Language." N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"Official English." U.S. English. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 Feb. 2013.
I think your ideas and evidence are strong however I believe you can reword the thesis in order to get reflect the strength of your evidence. A simple reword or rewrite will allow you to further project the strength of your argument.
i agree ideas are fine but a reword of thesis could help. maybe trying to state the thesis in less words but with a higher language to introduce the topic of english. by making the vocabulary stronger it can leave readers hooked because your topic is about the english language so presenting it in the most formal educated way will help your position.
Intro/hook: In 2001 programmer Bram Cohen released a revolutionary software that made it easier to share files in the internet. Little did he know that his creation and implementation of bit torrents four years down the line would be a major source of illegal sharing of copyright files.
Tentative Thesis: The internet is an amazing source for information. Anything can be found in the internet and the abundance of information continues to grow. Internet censorship, at first glance can seem like a good solution to protecting children and intellectual property of corporations, however it is difficult to tell when censorship has gone too far. The reasons why internet censorship should not go on greatly outweighs the benefits. Similar to books, the internet does not deserve to be censored.
Paragraph 1:
Introduction of internet, including all the information and uses of it. Include all the bad and all the good aspects of the internet: -encyclopedias -pornography -hate speech -technical documents -holes/exploits that can lead people to get information from government classified information Discuss: -different effects on different age groups Just one piece of evidence, planned to have two pieces of evidence: "The advancement of technology has broken down geographical barriers for communication. The Internet has had an unimaginable impact on near instant communication by electronic mail, instant messaging" "Censoring the Internet." Bar & Bench 11 Jan. 2012. Criminal Justice Collection. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.
Paragraph 2: Introduction to censorship around the world. Include China and their ineffective round about of censorship. Books in China NOT being censored, censorship more so a means of creating a barrier so people will not dig too deep into “information that may damage nationalism”. Include United Kingdom and the “filters” that so many people want to put in place. The filters will essentially be a protection for children from “harmful” and “adult” media and information. People above a certain age can cope out of the filters.
Paragraph 3: Introduction to current soon to be bills and economic stand point of internet censorship in the United States. Begining with history of PIPA and SOPA which are both proposed bills that were NEGATIVELY viewed and shot down by the public. These bills had one thing in mind: intellectual property and a fight against piracy. Pieces of evidence and impact: CISPA “The executive order also calls for the federal government to draft recommendations for ways in which critical infrastructure providers can protect themselves from cyber attacks. Companies would not, however, be required to abide by these recommendations. It will also clarify which government agencies will take part in cyber security efforts”.
"Investors can stop investing in online platforms like YouTube or Facebook. In a survey conducted by Booz & Company in the US, the participating angel investors and venture capitalists said they will not invest in digital content intermediaries (DCIs) because acts like SOPA/PIPA can be used to sue or fine websites for using pirated digital content uploaded or posted by users. DCIs are the companies that provide search, hosting, and distribution services for digital content such as YouTube, Facebook, SoundCloud, eBay, etc."
"The Threat of Internet Censorship." PC Quest 31 Dec. 2012. General OneFile. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Conclusion: Bring into light the natural rights of people. Give a call to action. Fight for the free internet. "The United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, adopted in 1948, provides that: Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers."
"Censoring the Internet." Bar & Bench 11 Jan. 2012. Criminal Justice Collection. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.
i like the hook. it grasps readers attention. i like the structure of your essay so far. you introduce the interent and how it works leading with more in depth with the topic you are arguing about
Intro/thesis: If one is convicted of murder, then it is logical to be killed as punishment, right? Americans have questioned the government, and each other, whether the death penalty is the best solution for the highest criminal offenders. Many factors have contributed to its support and rejection, however, its abolition would prove to have greater benefits than the continued killing of criminals.
Paragraph 1 (opponent) -The lives of innocent men are put at risk since many have been proven to not be guilty after dieing. -“assessments of the "Innocents List" have shown that it radically overstates the number of innocent people who have been on death row…it is arguable that at least 68 of the 102 defendants on the List should not be on the list at all” -The death penalty is meant only for the highest criminal offenders -“the death penalty is not imposed for non-violent acts such as financial crimes, non-violent religious practice or expression of conscience and sexual relations between consenting adults.” -contradict these common assumptions of the death penalty
Paragraph 2 (proponent) Economy -the cost of life in prison is less than the death penalty -”Based on a sentence term of 40 to 45 years, one inmate would cost the taxpayer only slightly more than $1 million—less than a third of what it would take to pay for the process that culminates in execution.” -explain how the death penalty also requires more money because it is trialed as a federal case, hence costing more for lawyers, etc
Paragraph 3 (proponent) Trial Unjustice -“Payne v. Tennessee (1991), the Court overruled earlier cases and held that "victim impact" evidence relating to the personal characteristics of the victim and the emotional impact of the crime on the victim's family is admissible despite the fact that it sheds no light on the question of guilt or innocence” -One is more likely to be convicted on death row if one belongs to a lower class
Paragraph 4 (proponent) Affects of Death Penalty -“Isn't there the possibility that the imposition of the death penalty sends a conflicted message about our society's respect for life.” -Death penalty is being used less as time passes -This year, according to a recent report from the Death Penalty Information Center, 78 individuals were sentenced to death, the first time the number has dropped below 100 in three decades. -“while the death penalty deterred murder in six states, it actually increased murder in 13 states and had no effect on the murder rate in eight states.”
Conclusion: -restate thesis -bigger picture: Tie back to how society resorts to violence to solve issues, and that more violence is not the solution to violence.
Sources: Statement supporting the use of the death penalty by John McAdams, Professor of Political Science, Marquette University, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, February 1, 2006." Capital Punishment: Cruel and Unusual?. Kim Masters Evans. 2010 ed. Detroit: Gale, 2010. Information Plus Reference Series. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Capital Punishment around the World." Capital Punishment: Cruel and Unusual?. Kim Masters Evans. 2008 ed. Detroit: Gale, 2008. Information Plus Reference Series. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 5 Feb. 2013.
"From Testimony of Vicki A. Schieber, Chevy Chase, Maryland, before the U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary, Subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights, and Property Rights, Hearing on 'An Examination of the Death Penalty in the United States,' February 1, 2006." Capital Punishment: Cruel and Unusual?. Kim Masters Evans. 2010 ed. Detroit: Gale, 2010. Information Plus Reference Series. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
Stevens, John Paul. "The Death Penalty Violates the Constitution of the United States." The Ethics of Capital Punishment. Ed. Christine Watkins. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2011. At Issue. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Whitehead, John W. "The Death Penalty Should Be Abolished." Criminal Justice. Ed. Noël Merino. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2013. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "The Death Penalty Is a Miscarriage of Justice: It Should Be Abolished." www.rutherford.org. 2011. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Collins, Jeremy J. "The Death Penalty Has Not Been Proven to Deter Murder." The Ethics of Capital Punishment. Ed. Christine Watkins. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2011. At Issue. Rpt. from "Death Penalty No Deterrent to Murder." Carrboro Citizen 19 July 2007. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Capital Punishment." West's Encyclopedia of American Law. Ed. Shirelle Phelps and Jeffrey Lehman. 2nd ed. Vol. 2. Detroit: Gale, 2005. 237-242. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 5 Feb. 2013.
topic:is it rational for racial profiling essay opener: the subject of racial profiling never leaves the news thats because racial profiling may factor into how authorities target these suspects of various crimes, including terrorism, illegal immigration or drug running. thesis:whether citizens believe racial profiling is discriminating race, these methods are most effective when authorities are trying to distinguish criminals. i believe when getting criminals off the streets, racial profiling is extremely effective. -1st paragraph: the pros and cons for racial profiling.precarious from years or racism and oppression. When weighing the pros and cons of the issue of racial profiling, one must consider and individuals civil rights.The cons for racial profiling seem to be far greater than the pros for racial profiling. Racial profiling is based on the assumption.
others say: -2st paragraph(peoples emotions): many other people of race excluding white race, because they do not seem to get highly effected by this issue, believe racial profiling still happens even though its illegal. 58% of americans believe racial profiling still occurs despite the fact that it is illegal. -3nd paragraph(peoples social security): even though many dislike the fact of racial profiling, in san diego with the recent report about chris dorner people do not seem to mind racial profiling. the san diego police dep. warned citizens that officers may employ racial profiling attics in search for suspected murderer chris dorner. what i say: -4rd paragraph:even though people do not seem to like racial profiling, in needs of security they do not seem to mind. when crimes are at its highest and seem to extremely affect the society, that is when it is completely fine to use the tactics of racial profiling without citizens making a big deal out of it. after the 9/11 attack racial profiling in airports when at its highest and citizens do not seem to mind any sort of security check because they know if theres some sort of terrorism like 9/11 they will be extremely affected. conclusion restate thesis ending with a social security threat to society ...real life event.
sources ""Racial Profiling Reduces Terrorism" by Richard Lowry." Racialprofiling. N.p., n.d. Web. 04 Feb. 2013. N.p., n.d. Web. "San Diego Police Warn Citizens of Racial Profiling as Dorner Hunt Continues." Atlanta Black Star. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 Feb. 2013. "Pros And Cons Of Racial Profiling Essays and Term Papers." Pros And Cons Of Racial Profiling Free Essays 1. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 Feb. 2013.
Thesis: Euthanasia, another term for mercy killing, refers to the ending of life of an ill person in order to end suffering. Although it is a compassionate and faster way to end life, such practice brings ethical dilemma. Euthanasia contradicts one major moral, whether there is a right to kill.
First: Define/explain methods of euthanasia -Passive euthanasia is the withholding of respirators and other life-sustaining equipment, procedures, or treatment. -Active euthanasia is intentionally causing the death of another person through specific actions. -Voluntary euthanasia occurs when an individual has chosen and requested for his or her life to be ended. -Non-voluntary euthanasia is when it has not been requested or consented to. -Euthanasia by omission.
Second: Anti-euthanasia -Ethics/Morality: Many argue how euthanasia is another method of murder. There is a high sense of violating a basic principle. Many hold a strong respect toward life and believe that a life should not be assisted to terminate. Matter of demeaning life value. -Religion: Religion strongly opposes the ending of life as it being sinful because " it is against God's will". Only God is given the authority to give and end human life. *Rebuttal: The argument is shared in Christian, Jewish and Islamic faiths, however other major religions hold some sense of approval. Hinduism and Buddhism uphold euthanasia's ethic acceptance -Alternative treatment: Palliative care provides a more comfortable, dignified death. Can serve as an alternative to relive ill patients pain and suffering. Medical advances have made it possible to end pain in most cases.
Third: Pro euthanasia -Ending of suffering: Ending life will mean ending of pain and suffering for the patient. Un curable disease patients believe that the medical sources are being wasted and can be better used to actually cure others. -Freedom of choice: The decision whether to end life or not is solely based on patients will. They have the choice to decide how they want to die. *Opponents to euthanasia quote that "Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person" (United Nations, 1948), indeed, every individual has these rights; however, if an individual has the right to life, then should they not also have the right to die? -Patient's dignity: Ill patients choose to terminate their life than to become a burden (financial and emotional) because of their state. Examples would be people who are mentally ill, un curable disease or in a vegetable condition.
Conclusion The debate over euthanasia brings string emotion from opposite sides, each with convincing justifications. One person or group should not determine how, when, and if another person should die.
Iacobelli, Lou. "Killing by any other name is killing." Catholic Insight Oct. 2009: 5. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Pros and cons but sufferers' welfare must come first." Sydney Morning Herald [Sydney, Australia] 24 Oct. 2012: 10. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Ho, Yun Young, et al. "A survey of the perspectives of patients who are seriously ill regarding end-of-life decisions in some medical institutions of Korea, China and Japan." Journal of Medical Ethics May 2012: 310+. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Fridstein, Margery. "It Is Merciful to Help a Terminally Ill Person Die." Assisted Suicide. Ed. Noël Merino. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Current Controversies. Rpt. from "Lessons in Dying: What Is Wrong with Giving Up When Our Bodies Give Out?" Denver Post 28 Nov. 2010. Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 20 Feb. 2013.
Oregon Right to Life. "Assisted Suicide in Oregon Does Not Have Adequate Safeguards." Assisted Suicide. Ed. Noël Merino. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Current Controversies. Rpt. from "Oregon's Assisted Suicide Experience: Safeguards Don't Work." 2010. Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 20 Feb. 2013.
Schafer, Arthur. "The Legalization of Assisted Suicide Does Not Lead to a Slippery Slope." Assisted Suicide. Ed. Noël Merino. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Current Controversies. Rpt. from "The Great Canadian Euthanasia Debate." Globe & Mail 6 Nov. 2009. Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 20 Feb. 2013.
Essay Opener: As the judged slam his gavel on the pad he announce his verdict: guilty. Sentenced to a death penalty on account for murder of two elderly neighbors when he was seventeen shoot them “execution style,” the now eighteen year old showed no remorse for his action. Intro to Issue: 200,000 juveniles each year are tried as adults. United State Supreme Court also agreed to consider the constitutionality of the juvenile death penalty. Thesis: Should juvenile offender be tried as adults and also, be sentence to death penalty. People argue that juveniles are incompetent to stand trial because they are not able to contribute to their own defense because their own brain is not fully developed and it’s not aware. However, should that be accepted as evidence to not trial juvenile as adults because they are not adults, yet both committed the same crime? Should it be an excuse to their violent or homicidal behavior? I agree that death sentence and juveniles tried as adult is harsh but it should only depend on the case. If it something minor then they shouldn’t be tried as adults but if it is something major like murder or rape then it is valid. Paragraph 1 Juvenile delinquency has potentially high stakes for both individuals and society as a whole. Delinquency is linked to higher crime rates in adulthood and other negative outcomes. One estimate suggests that between 50 and 75 percent of adolescents who have spent time in juvenile detention centers are incarcerated later in life. Evidence •Jan. 30--A Delaware County teen pleaded guilty and was sentenced yesterday as an adult today in connection with a videotaped beating of a mentally ill woman in Chester that went viral. Rahmiiyah Henderson, 16, is one of six charged in the vicious attack. •“Tried as an adult, Thomas A. Preciado was 14 when he stabbed to death a minimart clerk”. This shows how teenager can be a danger to society. Teenagers tend to do anything they want and they do not even care of the consequence they will face. They are in a phase were they believe they are unstoppable. This innocent clerk was stabled to death for unknown reasons and his family is in grief for their loss. •This shows how teenager can be a danger to society. Teenagers tend to do anything they want and they do not even care of the consequence they will face. They are in a phase were they believe they are unstoppable. This innocent clerk was stabled to death for unknown reasons and his family is in grief for their loss.
Paragraph 2 The adult criminal system is not designed for youth in conflict with the law, and it is not adequately equipped to serve such youth successfully. Evidence • Being in an adult jail, Ryan says, increases a kid's risk of sexual abuse and assault. Educational opportunities are limited. Even good intentions can go awry; teens that are separated for their safety can end up isolated in 23-hour lockdown. And for those eventually convicted of serious crimes in adult court, the damage can be irreparable.
Rebuttal •“Kent Scheidegger said the vast majority of teenagers, even young ones, know enough to be tried in adult court. The notion that teenager are not capable of understanding what is going on I find not credible in the case of mentally normal teenagers.” •This suggest that teenager use the excuse of “not understanding what going on” when they trial in court. When teenage commit a crime they are aware of the consequences they will face. Every action has a consequence and teenager tend to ignore it. Paragraph 3 Evidence •"Under most state laws, juvenile offenders do not commit "crimes". They commit delinquent acts, some of which are acts that would constitute crimes if committed by an adult. The trial phase of a juvenile case is an adjudication hearing. This means that the judge hears the evidence and determines whether the child is delinquent. The court may then take whatever action it deems to be in the child's best interest. The purpose is to rehabilitate, not to punish. • The juvenile was adjudicated of second-degree sexual offense, indecent liberties between children and breaking and entering, and a Level 3 disposition was entered. Rebuttal •“Supporters of the juvenile death penalty argue that the small number proves instead that the system works and that juries are making discerning choices on whom to sentence to death, taking due account of the defendants’ youth and reserving the ultimate punishment for the worst of the worst” •"Juveniles are so impulsive that it has hindered their decision making to the extent that they may not make rational decisions." Conclusion •They are old enough to make their decision, however it should be based on the case how horrible they are. That is why judges should revises each case one by one and decide the accurate punishment.
Source: Bilchik, S. (1999). Juvenile justice: A century of change [Electronic Version]. 1999 National Report Series, Juvenile Justice Bulletin. Available at: https://www.ncjrs.gov/html/ojjdp/9912_2/contents.html. Also see Child Trends DataBank indicator: Young Adults in Jail or Prison. http://www.childtrendsdatabank.org/?q=node/380 http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-12-01-tryingkids_N.htm http://www.campaignforyouthjustice.org/facts-a-research.html http://www.patrickcrusade.org/kids_in_adult_prisons.htm
"A gap year prepares incoming college students for the entire college experience, both on an academic and personal level," says Brian Boubek, president of Cultural Experiences Abroad, Cambridge, Mass.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Boubek’s position. Students should take a gap year.
• Earn job experience > good for resume and money for school
• Students have a fuller understanding of themselves.
• Impacts their college major/choice
Thesis: Even though many students rush to college right after high school because that is what most students do these days, they should break from that expectation and enjoy their surroundings before entering the arduous life of college.
1st P
Opponents
• Postponing school or work takes people off of a more traditional path, and it’s sometimes
challenging to get back on.
• A gap year is costly.
• Students who take a gap year did not do anything beneficial for themselves.
Pro: “88 percent of Gap Year graduates report that their Gap Year had significantly added to their employability.”
• Students with work experience are more likely to get hired.
• Students who earned money during their gap year are most likely to use it for their tuition fees.
• Jobs are most likely to hire those Gap year students if they want to continue with that profession
2nd P.
Pro: “Colleges in the U.S. and Great Britain are encouraging students to take a "gap year" in their academic careers in order to mature emotionally and intellectually before beginning their first semester of university life.”
• Students will be able to find themselves after the stressful years of doing work.
• Students will be able to grow out of their comfort zones, because only way to experience the life of a gap year is to live freely.
• Students will be able to have experiences that can affect their lives in a positive way.
Opp: “...a student has taken a gap year and not used the time effectively, and found it has not helped them either in terms of maturing or developing skills or being more ready for college.”
• There are occasions when students do not know how to manage their time in a gap year, so they tend to go off course and do their own thing
• Students who usually who not try not to do anything beneficial for themselves in a gap year suffer when entering school because they have fallen behind and cannot catch up with the work.
• Those who do not plan well their year, will most likely not return back to school because they like not repeating the stress they have endured from previous years.
3rd P.
Pro: “For most students, gap experiences have an impact on their choice of academic major and career...60% said the experience either "set me on my current career path/academic major" or "confirmed my choice of career/academic major.”
• During a gap year, students will be able to explore options outside of their intended major.
• Students will be able to do more research about their intended major and question if that’s the right career for them.
• It is more likely for a student to change their intended major after experiencing other careers during their gap year.
Opp: Students who do not work rely on their parents for money, especially if they want to travel. Many parents should expect to pay around $15,000 to $20,000 to cover a student's gap year.
• There are student that would like to take a gap year, but cannot not because of the price it might be to take one.
• There are students that would like to go abroad for their gap year and the people that end up paying is their parents.
• Students who do waste money on gap years use the money that was supposed to be for college.
Conclusion: More and more U.S. high school graduates are following the British trend of taking a “gap year” between high school and college because of its many practical benefits. Individuals who take a gap year have an opportunity to travel, get a job where they can earn job experience, or money to help get them through school.
I think if you were to add a rebuttal it will strengthen your position on why students should take a gap year.
DeleteYou can add another paragraph explaining your position about your topic.
DeleteI do belive adding a rebuttal will strengthen my position and i also believe that i need to add another paragrapgh explaining my position on the topic. I think ill add that parapragh first
Deleteadd a little more to your conclusion to make it more thorough and good info, it gave me where your thoughts are and the opposing thoughts on your topic
DeleteSources:
ReplyDelete"Students 'gapping' college career." USA Today [Magazine] May 2004: 7. Student Resources In Context. Web. 21 Feb. 2013.
"American Gap Association." Gap Year Data. American Gap Association, n.d. Web. 21 Feb. 2013.
"Students 'gapping' college career." USA Today [Magazine] May 2004: 7. Student Resources In Context. Web. 21 Feb. 2013.
Harpaz, Beth J. "What You Need to Know about Taking a Gap Year." Suntimes.com. Chicago Sun-Times, 21 May 2012. Web. 21 Feb. 2013.
"American Gap Association." Gap Year Data. American Gap Association, n.d. Web. 21 Feb. 2013.
Grose, Thomas K. "The Lure of the Gap Year." US News. U.S.News & World Report, 16 Aug. 2010. Web. 21 Feb. 2013.
Essay Opener: “My parents divorced during the time I took the SAT. My concentration on the test was poor, my sleep erratic, and I didn't care about the results of the test. Distracted due to family problems, I scored poorly.”- Tammy Stoner (pathos)
ReplyDeleteIntro: (both sides) ¹The higher the SAT scores of students, the greater the likelihood that they not only returned for a second year of study but eventually earned a baccalaureate as well," the report said. ²But as the College Board materials noted, there are also distinct patterns in which groups are to completed the recommended high school curriculum or other measures of advanced academic preparation:
Thesis: Thousands of students nationwide stress and prepare for SAT tests every year. SAT scores have been known as a crucial part of the admission process into college. However, SAT scores are not distinguished by social class. They are viewed equally in the eyes of the admission offices. Which means that students who are lower income are compared to wealthy kids who took private SAT classes, and students who had more resources than others.Which creates a disadvantage and will result in more low income students to be rejected for their low scores.
1 Evidence (Opponent):
SAT scores do not determine college admission.
Admissions officers rely on all the elements of your application to paint a picture of you.
The biggest factor is your high school record, particularly your willingness to take and ability to succeed in demanding courses.
(Proponent)
SAT scores lead to intense stress
Students who come from wealthy backgrounds might feel the pressure and pay someone to take their SAT’s for them.
Students can cheat
(Rebuttal)
Admission officers many say SAT scores do not determine college admission, but they do determine college admission when other applicants have similar grades, background, and similar extracurricular activities.
2 Evidence (Proponent):
The charge that the SAT is slanted in favor of privileged children—“a wealth test”
Some students become nervous and freeze up when taking test especially test such as SATs
"I cannot tell you how many students I have worked with who are amazing in their classes but freeze when it comes to the SAT or ACT because they know how much is riding on the scores," says Patricia Mucenski, a counselor at Lisbon High School in Maine.
(Opponent)
The SAT actually shines a spotlight on the inequities in education
The SAT helps provide an equal test for all students nation wide.
“by putting every student on equal footing.”
(Rebuttal)
Although it may seem that SAT tests are fair and provide everyone with an equal chance, students with families with higher incomes tend to do better because of resources available to them.
3 Evidence (Proponent):
"While the SAT serves a purpose, strong GPAs, high school rigor, teacher recommendations, and personal essays are stronger indicators of success”
On the flip side, if you are someone with high grades but low test scores you will find it much more difficult to get into the college of your choice.
But, on average, most minority students cannot afford the same amount of preparation as others.
(Opponent)
The higher the SAT score, the most likely they are to do better in college.
help distinguish a student against others
help show the colleges one can think critically
Conclusion: Restatement of thesis: SAT test have shown many downfalls for students. It is a test that not only is not fair, but also puts a lot of stress for students who take the test. SAT scores had the purpose to serve as an asset for a student's application, instead they have served as a distinction between low income and high income students. They should be abolished as they serve a purpose for discriminating against low income students. Colleges should look at AP scores or SAT Subject Tests that would help provide more what a students is actually learning.
Rebuttal for the 3 SAT scores may show that a student is able to think critically, but some students learned tricks to help get a high SAT score
DeleteAdd more than one rebuttal.
DeleteI believe adding more than one rebuttal will strengthen my essay and it will allow the reader to know I have done thorough research and will boost my credibility
DeleteCited Sources:
ReplyDeleteMarklein, Mary Beth. “SAT scores show disparities by race, gender, family income.” US Today. 26 Sept. 2009. 05 Feb. 2013.
http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/education/2009-08-25-SAT-scores_N.htm
Emling, Shelley. Bloomfield Patch. 11 Oct. 2011. Montclair State University. 3 Feb. 2013
http://bloomfield.patch.com/articles/rethinking-admissions-should-colleges-still-look-at-sat-scores
Ramirez, Eddy. U.S. News Education. 22 Sept. 2008. U.S. News. 2 Feb. 2013.
http://www.usnews.com/education/articles/2008/09/22/report-says-test-scores-should-be-less-important-in-college-admissions
Murray, Charles. “Abolish the SAT.” The American. 10 Aug. 2007. 07 Feb 2013.
httJuric, Kathryn. CNN. 20 July 2012. College Board. 3 Feb. 2013.
http://schoolsofthought.blogs.cnn.com/2012/07/20/my-view-10-reasons-the-sat-matters/
p://www.american.com/archive/2007/july-august-magazine-contents/abolish-the-sat
Lin, Dave. “SAT/ACT Scores and College Admissions.” College View. 11 Feb. 2012. 07 Feb. 2013.
http://www.collegeview.com/articles/article/sat-act-scores-and-college-admissions
Thomas, James. “SAT Cheating Scandal Widens as 13 More Students Charged in New York.” Fox News. 23 Nov. 2011. 12 Feb 2013.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/11/23/sat-cheating-scandal-widens-as-20-students-charged-in-new-york/#ixzz2KjU3t5Qj
¹Dechter, Gadi. “SAT scores well in predicting college success.” The Baltimore Sun. 11 Jan. 2007. 07 Feb 2013. http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2007-01-11/news/0701110042_1_standardized-test-scores-college-success-variables ²
Salins, Peter. “Does the SAT Predict College Success?” Minding the Campus. 15 Oct. 2008. 12 Feb. 2013.
http://www.mindingthecampus.com/originals/2008/10/by_peter_salins_one_of.html
OUTLINE
ReplyDeleteIntro/ Thesis :
A: President Barack Obama has recently been re elected to serve his second term as president of the United States. He is the first African- American president, and has rallied support from minority groups like women, young voters, and middle class Americans. President Obama's standing requires him to represent America's distinctive scopes of interests. However, America's political evolution has resulted in overlooked issues that define their time such as slavery, the coinage systems, labor reform, educational and immigration reform. Although representative democracy is our earliest foundation for government, it is not the most effective. It severely limits the political spectrum in Washington, it deters third party participation, and most importantly neglects the needs of those being represented, the people.
I : First Paragraph ( Proponent)
Representative democracy suggests equal opportunity for distinctive interests to be considered.
- Introduce Washington's Farewell Address/ Explain how Washington foresaw political issues today. ( Historical Perspective/ ETHOS)
- Introduce Haraldsson's " Political landscape." ( LOGIC : Reasoning From Consequence/ Political Perspective) / Explain how it has limited the ideas presented in government creates gridlock between the two dominant parties,
- Explain how representative democracy was limiting now & and how it is limiting today.(different issues, same problem: Historical Perspective)
( Opponent )
Counter Argument : Introduce Npr's " Organic politics"/ Describe how it created structure
Rebuttal : explain that although it created a framework for today's government, the best gov't is not spontaneous.
II : Second Paragraph ( PROPONENT)
THIRD PARTY REJECTION: Representative democracy has become a monopoly controlled by the Democrats and Republicans, thus deterring third parties from participating
-Introduce HuffingtonPosts' "Craig list third party"/ Describe how the lack of diversity in political ideology limits change, manipulating citizens to believe that other ideas are not equivalent or don't exist. ( LOGOS From Example/ Historical, Social Perspective)
-Social Perspective : truth-out. org " the weakest minority ideas are silenced" [ and the people] Describe that the silenced ideas are silencing voters.
( OPPONENT)
-Counter Argument: Introduce Regina Thomas (Representative Dem, keeps voting a simple choice)
-Rebuttal : Explain why simple is not always the best choice. Choosing simple, overlook the complexities of equal representation.
III : Third Paragraph ( PROPONENT)
GOV'Ts NEGLECT OF AMERICAN PEOPLE:
-Introduce American Gov't's " broad coalition" / explain how citizens represent distinctive backgrounds, and lump summing them is ignoring the specificity that is required of an attentive gov't.
-SOCIAL PERSPECTIVE: Jesse Ventura's " Leaders committed to the challenges of average people" Explain that although politicians attract middle-class voters during the general election, politicians make the middle class another entanglement.
-POLITICAL PERSPECTIVE : HARDALDSON's " exclusion of other political views.
-SOCIAL PERSPECTIVE : Introduce huffingtonpost's narrowed thinking. / Explain that narrow leads to lack of attention to other parties. Focuses too much on DEM/ REPUB.
CONCLUSION:
- Acknowledge that although the representative democracy is the traditional foundation, however it is not effective.
- SO WHAT? Explain how this impacts the responsiveness of the government and its ability to keep in touch with the voters electing officials into office.
Your outline appears to be very well structured. You've already included rebuttals to opposing arguments, and have evidence that fits under the different appeals. I think if you plan to concede to some points made by the opposing side, it should occur in the body paragraphs.
DeleteYou have such an elaborate outline! You have everything set and ready to go. You have brought in lots of evidence for just one paragraph, and that makes for a strong essay.
DeleteI don't think there is much advice that I can offer because you seem good to go.
Snaps to you for planning everything out so intricately.
Is there any way to add any statistics in here? I feel like numbers always stick in people's heads. If you don't, I think you'll be fine either way.
Topic: Gun Control
ReplyDeleteHook: On Friday, December 14, 2012, twenty mothers dropped their innocent children off to school. Two hours later, they returned, surrounded my parents, police, and reporters while waiting for news of their children's survival. They went home that day alone. Recently, gun violence like this experience at Sandy Hook Elementary and others has increased and raised serious questions about firearms. Some ask if gun laws should be stricter and some say they should not. In fact, since this tragedy, 900 victims have lost their lives due to the misuse of guns.
Thesis: Therefore, gun laws within this country need to be stricter so the death rates decrease.
P 1 Opponent’s:
•“Guns are used to hunt, for self-defense, to commit crimes, for sporting activities, and to perform military duties. The Second Amendment plainly does not protect the right to use a gun to rob a bank; it is equally clear that it does encompass the right to use weapons for certain military purposes.”
- Not used to kill humans but to hunt. And used for protection.
•(logos) “Guns are used to hunt, for self-defense, to commit crimes, for sporting activities, and to perform military duties. The Second Amendment plainly does not protect the right to use a gun to rob a bank; it is equally clear that it does encompass the right to use weapons for certain military purposes.
•(logos) “The 2Amendment was adopted to protect the right of the people of each of the several States to maintain a well-regulated militia.”
- Violates the second amendment.
Rebuttal:
•They are wrong because the second amendment implies that one should use the gun when necessary carefully for protection.
P 2: Opponents viewpoint # 2
•"Japanese youth have become increasingly exposed to foreign influences, the violent crime rate has begun to climb." Studies have shown that social controls such as self-respect, honor, and conformity lead to Japan's low gun crime rate."
•(Ethos) "Younger Americans die earlier and live in poorer health than their counterparts in other developed countries, with far higher rates of death from guns, car accidents and drug addiction, according to a new analysis of health and longevity in the United States."
•(Ethos) “Car accidents, gun violence and drug overdoses were major contributors to years of life lost by Americans before age 50.”
•(Ethos) “The rate of firearm homicides was 20 times higher in the United States than in the other countries, according to the report, which cited a 2011 study of 23 countries. And though suicide rates were lower in the United States, firearm suicide rates were six times higher.”
•(Ethos) “Sixty-nine percent of all American homicide deaths in 2007 involved firearms, compared with an average of 26 percent in other countries, the study said.
•(Ethos) ''The bottom line is that we are not preventing damaging health behaviors,'' said Samuel Preston, a demographer and sociologist at the University of Pennsylvania, who was on the panel. ''You can blame that on public health officials, or on the health care system. No one understands where responsibility lies.''
-Blaming the high death rates on the United States because of how America is.
Rebuttal:
•Studies need to consider that yes the United States may be a country where young American’s are more likely to be dead by the age of 50, but if a shooting happens, it can be cured in the Emergency room due to the high technology the U.S has.
Paragraph 3 Proponent’s viewpoints:
ReplyDelete•Ethos)"Certainly, most Americans would say that the shootings at Virginia Tech [in which a student gunman killed 32 people] should never, ever be forgotten either. But somehow, though school shootings continue, though an average of 32 homicides are committed with guns in the United States each day, though dozens of suspected terrorists are known to have passed background checks to legally purchase guns, the gun-control side cannot gain traction."
- Need stricter background checks because most are getting away with it.
•(Ethos) “James Alan Fox and Marianne W. Zawitz of the Bureau of Justice Statistics discuss various trends in homicides that have occurred in the United States between 1976 and 2005. Concerning the homicide trends from 1976 to 2005 by age, gender, and race of the perpetrator per one hundred thousand population, "Young adults aged eighteen to twenty-four had the highest rate of homicide offenders throughout the period.”
•(Ethos) “Homicide offending rates for adults aged twenty-five and over generally declined for all racial and gender groups.”
•(Ethos) “Homicide offending rates for African-American and white males under age twenty-five increased dramatically beginning in the mid- to late 1980s through about 1994 and then decreased dramatically through about 2000. "
- Trend is happening with homicides. It depends on age, gender, and race.
P 5 What I say:
•If gun control is regulated, then America's death rate will eventually decrease.
•Gun control can limit the access of criminals getting their hands on firearms, which will lead to the decrease of violent crime.
Need stricter requirements such as going to gun school or higher tax on firearms.
Paragraph 6 Conclusion:
•Restate thesis
I think you have a large amount of evidence and that is great! What I recommend is to make sure the conclusion isn't just restating the thesis, try to include something that leaves people thinking about what you said. You don't want to build such a good essay the whole way through and then end it by just restating the thesis.
DeleteAs long as you place your own ideologies into this, then it'll be great. As Anel said, you have an awesome amount of evidence (and I actually prefer there not being pathos in there. LOL) But regardless, try adding your own personal reasons as to why gun control should be heighten.
DeleteSources:
ReplyDeleteStevens, John Paul. "The Right to Own a Gun Is Not Guaranteed by the Constitution." Is Gun Ownership a Right? Ed. Kelly Doyle. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2005. At Issue. Rpt. from "Dissenting Opinion, in Supreme Court of the United States, District of Columbia ET AL. v. Heller." 2008. 1-46. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 11 Feb. 2013.
Williamsen, Kurt. "A Weak Cultural Morality Can Be Blamed for Gun Crime." Guns and Crime. Ed. Tamara L. Roleff. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2000. At Issue. Rpt. from "Beyond the Gun-Control Debate." The New American 23 (28 May 2007): 17-21. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 7 Feb. 2013.
Tavernise, Sabrina. "For Americans under 50, stark findings on health." New York Times 10 Jan. 2013: A3(L). Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
"Guns and Youth." Gun Control: Restricting Rights or Protecting People?. Sandra M. Alters. 2009 ed. Detroit: Gale, 2009. Information Plus Reference Series. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 11 Feb. 2013.
"An Updated Background Check System Will Help Prevent Gun Violence." Guns and Crime. Ed. Christine Watkins. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. At Issue. Rpt. from "A Plan to Prevent Future Tragedies." MayorsAgainstIllegalGuns.org. 2011. Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 18 Feb. 2013.
I think your anecdote in the beginning is great. for the first paragraph when you talk about the second amendment, you can add that their are many conclusions/interpretations for the second amendment and how none of those conclusions/interpretations have to do with gun control. I also think that you use the second amendment in varies points in your outline. It is better to mention it once and have a good/strong analysis about it and then move onto to others view on gun control such as the president ..
DeleteThankyou. I did not notice I was mentioning the second amendment a lot. I will take note of that.
DeleteINTRO/THESIS:
ReplyDeleteIt is evident through the existence of censorship of media all around us, such as television, films, and video games, that today's society is a defensive one. People don’t want to expose anything possible offensive to moldable minds. Unfortunately, this rule also applies to books. But who's to decide whether 'controversial' literature is smut? Often, the most controversial of books is the one that opens a person's mind the most and introduces them to all kinds of new ideas. Censorship shouldn't hold kids, or anyone, from being able to expand their mind just because the books they want to read are condemned because of a few fearful people.
PARAGRAPH 1:
OPPONENT:
-Censorship is the lesser of two evils, and is necessary in order to prevent groups from quarreling as a result of brewed trouble with offensive content.
REBUTTAL:
-It's pivotal to look at the arguments of "hateful literature" in order to combat them. Some of these hateful writings may not even be meant to be hateful, but are only trying to prove a point. Either way, it's essential for a person to be able to express themselves in print, hateful or not.
PARAGRAPH 2:
PROPONENT:
-All books should be open to everyone. Each book has a different perspective that people can learn from.
"I believe that education should be open to everyone. Everyone should have an opportunity to read any literature of their choosing and form his or her own opinions based on the reading. Micah Issitt lists 'three basic rights covered under the freedom of the press: the right to publish, the right to confidentiality of sources, and the right of citizens to access the products of the press.'"
OPPONENT: Some books may draw in readers because they're offensive and influence their minds negatively.
REBUTTAL: Banning said books will increase their curiosity and get them to look for the book. People will look for the book just BECAUSE it's banned.
"While I agree that parents should play an active role in educating their children and as their primary guardians, have the legal right to monitor what their children read, I disagree that this legal right extends to controlling what other children in the neighborhood read as well. Prohibiting children from reading a book will not enhance their moral values. Rather, banning a book more likely will increase curiosity for reading it."
PARAGRAPH 3:
PROPONENT:
-I myself love many 'controversial' works of literature, such as "Catcher in the Rye" and "Fight Club". They've influenced my writing a lot, and I feel as though they've influenced my character for the better. It's clear to me that the characters who are 'bad role models' in these kinds of books are clearly misguided and meant to be the opposite of the intended message, as often the misguided and pessimistic protagonist maybe isn't so bad at the end. Or maybe he's learned something of importance. It doesn't matter; what does matter is they're providing you an insight. Villains are created to reflect the traits people should avoid, and it's often made obvious.
CONCLUSION:
-Restate thesis, worded differently.
-Include another quote that encapsulates my argument, after repeating (briefly) previous arguments.
Really like the way you add your own personal experience in paragraph 3. I think you should end the essay with maybe a rhetorical question that will leave the reader thinking.
DeleteI think something that will make your outline and essay better is if you mention what literary work that has been censored and how those books influence others life.
DeleteOUTLINE
ReplyDeleteIntro
Essay Opener: Imagine the world we live in, fifty years from now. How do you picture your county? Your future family? Your planet? Unless your answer to every question is ‘Absolutely Fantastic!’, it is clear that future is headed into dark path.
Thesis: In a country where global warming is rising at an alarming rate and the economy is struggling through a recession, certain measures must quickly be taken. Legalizing the growth of industrial hemp, a strong and eco-friendly fibre, can be the key factor to solving our major issues.
Body Paragraph 1
Define Industrial hemp
Background information
-How it was used in the past
-Used during World War
-When and why they made it illegal to grow. Etc.
Body Paragraph 2
Opponents(they say): -How industrial contains the active ingredient that marijuana has which gives you the high.
-Cannabis plant means it should be a federally regulated substance.
-No clear distinction in appearance between marijuana and industrial hemp, which would make it really difficult to regulate one over the other.
*Clear up the misconceptions in this paragraph.
Body Paragraph 3
Proponents: Benefits of growing industrial hemp on the basis of the environment.
-According to a 2008 Reason Foundation study, hemp requires less energy to manufacture, and is less toxic to process, easier to recycle and more biodegradable than most competing crops.” –less pollution
-"Hemp will grow in three months and use 95 per cent of the plant -- trees take 10 years to reach usable maturity” –saving trees
-Less pesticides needed
Body Paragraph 4
Benefit in the economy
-It is legal to buy hemp and its products, not legal to grow. If you grow industrial hemp, you can save the money you use on importing it here, thus giving all the profit here.
Currently these businesses must import millions of dollars of industrial hemp from countries such as Canada, China and England.”
*Use other nations as example-Canada
Body Paragraph 5
Variety of uses
-Hemp seeds are rich in high-quality protein, vitamins, phytosterols and trace minerals. But the healthy fat profile of hemp gets the most attention--hemp is rich in omega-3s, as well as the more rare polyunsaturated fatty acids, gamma-linolenic acid (GLA) and stearidonic acid (SDA)
-Used as paper( Declaration of Independence)
-Natural Soaps
Conclusion
-Rhetorical Questions: If marijuana is legal in some states, why are we still not advancing into industrial hemp, considering that is the biggest argument against it? Could it be that the cotton company’s simply want to continue getting their money?
-What is the delay in not legalizing it?
SOURCES:
"Leading Hemp Advocacy Groups Outraged by Governor Brown's Veto of California Industrial Hemp Farming Act." PR Newswire 10 Oct. 2011. Criminal Justice Collection. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Television Coverage of Industrial Hemp Confused by Puns and Drug References." US Newswire 24 July 2007. Criminal Justice Collection. Web. 3 Feb. 2013. < http://go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA166746641&v=2.1&u=inglewood&it=r&p=PPCJ&sw=w>
"The highs and lows of Hemp as a food ingredient." Environmental Nutrition Jan. 2010: 7. Nursing and Allied Health Collection. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Hemp Farming Bill Passes California Assembly; Vote Hemp Applauds Assembly Leadership on AB 1147, Looks to Senate for Passage." US Newswire 26 Jan. 2006. Nursing and Allied Health Collection. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Broadfoot, Sarah. "Hemp hoopla: hemp has been used for thousands of years, for everything from clothing to construction." What Magazine June 2000: 15. General OneFile. Web. 5 Feb. 2013.http://go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA30586292&v=2.1&u=inglewood&it=r&p=ITOF&sw=w
Technology Report: Paper - The miracle crop." Print Week 5 June 2008: 33. Communications and Mass Media Collection. Web. 5 Feb. 2013. http://go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA179722341&v=2.1&u=inglewood&it=r&p=PPCM&sw=w
I like the way you plan to start off your essay, it's a good way to get the reader engaged. I also like the structure you've set up for yourself. It's a good idea to introduce what hemp is, and its background to the reader in case they are not familiar. I can tell you put thought into this. Make sure you include a few opposing ideas, so you don't sound biased.
DeleteI also agree with Melissa because defining and giving a background on hemp makes sure that you address common misconceptions. I would also suggest you write a paragraph descibing how the legalization of hemp wont have negative effects then use one of the countries you mentioned as examples.
DeleteThank you to both. I agree that I should put more opponent points to make sure it is not a biased essay. Estefani, that is a great idea that I will include. When I add this paragraph, I will insure that people know how industrial hemp is only beneficial to our nation.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIntro:
ReplyDelete-Topic sentence: Males have naturally dominated most aspects of society; sports have been especially known to fall under the category of male supremacy.
-Define Title IX
-Thesis: Title IX has been condemned as a discriminatory act in disguise; it has been unrightfully accused of providing advantages to females at the expense of males. However, it was created with the purpose to expand the possibilities of success for women in male dominated areas.
1st P (Proponent):
-The aims of Title IX:
-"Since its passage in 1972, Title IX has been the main catalyst behind secondary school and college athletics programs creating more athletic opportunities for females. Title IX requires institutions receiving federal funding to provide equitable resources and opportunities for women in a nondiscriminatory way."
- 3 rules of Title IX
2nd P (Proponent):
-Dramatic increase in participation of women’s sports
-“Since its enactment in 1972, women's athletic programs have grown exponentially, from less than 30,000 NCAA female athletes in 1972 to almost 151,000 in 2000, according to Washingtonpost.com.”
-“By threatening schools with the loss of federal funds if they do not offer equal athletic opportunities to both sexes, Title IX has generated explosive growth in the number of women participating in competitive sports, including an 847% rise at the high school level.”
3. In the U.S., female participation in sports has increased 545 percent at the college level and nearly 1,000 percent at the high school level since Title IX passed in 1972, and it has led to opportunities for female athletes that did not exist years ago.
3rd P (Opponent):
-“While women have enjoyed significant gains, the unintended consequences of Title IX have contributed to the elimination of more than 800 men's teams in the past two decades."
- "The proportionality standard serves to protect only the interests of the majority sex on college campuses while ignoring the constitutional right of the minority sex to have equal protection of the law."
-Concede
-Rebuttal: At the Division I level, men's basketball head coaches average $149,700. By contrast, women's basketball head coaches average $91,300 or 61 cents to the dollar paid to head coaches of men's basketball. (Reveals that men still have advantages)
4th P (Proponent):
-Appeal to pathos:
- “I like to tell people, ‘Title IX gave me a national championship ring,’” Wambach told ESPN earlier this year.
- Consider this: If there were no Title IX, there would be no women's national soccer team, nor college scholarships for the female stars of the U.S. Olympic swimming and track and field teams, among many others. We might never have heard of Abby Wambach, Natalie Coughlin or Allyson Felix.
Conclusion:
Women have thrived in male dominated areas because of the assistance given by Title IX. Although it is extreme, under the circumstances it is proper. The success of woman under Title IX overshadows what is taken away from men.
I think you have really strong evidence, and your thesis is well written. Also I think you have an interesting topic. However make sure we can hear your opinion because I see a lot of facts which I think are researched.
DeleteI was planning to add how I felt about the evidence as I wrote my essay. Thanks!
DeleteI also think you have strong evidence and strong rebuttals which allows the reader to know that you have researched both sides well. It allows your essay to not have any holes.
DeleteSources:
ReplyDeleteHOLDSWORTH, JANET M., and JANET M. HOLDSWORTH. "Title IX." Encyclopedia of Education. Ed. James W. Guthrie. 2nd ed. Vol. 7. New York: Macmillan Reference USA, 2002. 2569-2573. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 5 Feb. 2013
Mervis, Jeffrey. "Can equality in sports be repeated in the lab? A 30-year-old federal education law caused participation in sports by women to skyrocket. Can it do the same thing for science? (Women In Science)." Science 298.5592 (2002): 356. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 5 Feb. 2013.
Brennan, Christine. "Games showing Title IX at work." USA Today 26 July 2012: 03C. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Title IX shuts out boys; Law helping girls into college sports enables discrimination." Washington Times [Washington, DC] 25 June 2012: B04. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Has Title IX's quest for equality gone too far? Title IX was designed to ensure equal opportunities for girls in school sports, but some say it has unintentionally hurt boys' teams. (Opinion)." New York Times Upfront 18 Apr. 2003: 21. General OneFile. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Foundation, Women's Sports. "Title IX Is Necessary to Reduce Sexual Discrimination in Sports." Title IX at 30: Athletes Receive C+. Women's Sports Foundation, 2002. Rpt. in Sports and Athletes. Ed. James D. Torr. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2005. Opposing Viewpoints. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
Topic: Do video games have a negative effect in children?
ReplyDeleteI. Introduction
a.“Stay alive at all costs! Find the key! Kill the bad guys!” This is how one eighth-grader describes the principles of playing video games. Such games might seem like harmless fun, but what if the violence attracts and addicts young players,affecting their behavior and their view of reality?
b.Video games when played in moderation have the potential to influence gamers positively. However taking into account how many hours the average-American spends playing video games in conjunction with their content, video games result in an increase of aggression, a toll on ones academic success, in addition of creating potential harm to ones health. More harm is caused by video games than good.
II. First Body Paragraph
Opponents arguments
•There is no link between video games and aggression; studies have little support
•video games have no effect on kids/teens what so ever
•games are rated
Rebuttal
•Describe studies that were conducted and why they are credible
•Tie it back too an increase of aggression not necessarily meaning one becomes a killer
Overview of Paragraph
•Relationship between video games and aggression (Explain)
•Describe the content of the most popular video games, use statistics
•Stress the difference between aggression and violence and that ultimately these effects are based on a individual
Evidence (proponents)
•"The first argument against violent video game effects is that there is little evidence linking the playing of violent video games to very violent behaviors (such as school shootings). To better understand The impact of violent video games: An overview, it is helpful to reflect on the difference between aggression and violence. In essence, violence is aggressive behavior that has extreme harm as its goal (Anderson & Bushman, 2002). Thus, all violence is aggression but not all aggression is violence."
•"There is sufficient evidence to conclude that video games increase violent behavior. He writes, "Some studies have yielded no significant video game effects, just as some smoking studies failed to find a significant link to lung cancer. But when one combines all relevant empirical studies using meta-analytic techniques, five separate effects emerge with considerable consistency." He continues that violence in video games is "significantly associated with: increased aggressive behavior, thoughts, and affect; increased physiological arousal; and decreased prosaically (helping) behavior."
III. Second Body Paragraph
Opponents arguments
•Video games serve as educational tools
•They increase hand coordination, computer skills, and it's a virtual experience
Rebuttal
•The benefits do not outweigh the negative effects, explain my reasoning for this statement
Overview of Paragraph
•Video games can become addicting, kids spend a lot of their time playing video games leading to a lack of concentration and attention span in school and resulting in low performance compared to kids who play less
•Kids addicted to video games also admit to skipping homework thus they get low grades
•Explain the scientific effect video games has on the brain
Evidence (proponents)
•"The downside of video games is that the more time children and teens spend playing violent video games the more likely they are to display aggressive behavior. Studies show "plugged-in" teens are more likely to be confrontational with adults, have fights at school and get poor grades.
•"A study by Argosy University's Minnesota School on Professional Psychology found that video game addicts argue a lot with their teachers, fight a lot with their friends, and score lower grades than others who play video games less often. Other studies show that many game players routinely skip their homework to play games, and many students admitted that their video game habits are often responsible for poor school grades."
VI. Third Body Paragraph
DeleteOpponents
•The Wii and other game systems promote physical activity
Rebuttal
•They are not the most popular and do not prevent the health issues video games impose
Overview of Paragraph
•The health consequences of video games
•Kids are more prone to obesity etc.
Evidence( proponents)
•"Video games may also have bad effects on some children’s health, including obesity, video-induced seizures. and postural, muscular and skeletal disorders, such as tendonitis, nerve compression, carpal tunnel syndrome."
"Raise Smart Kid." Raise Smart Kid. 05 Feb. 2013
•"One of the most common health issues that is faced by most individuals, adults and children alike, addicted to playing video games is obesity. Addicted gamers often face this problem because they tend to sit in one place for a long time and hence their body practically misses out on any kind of physical activity. Being overweight may increase the risk of developing other ailments in the long run such as high levels of cholesterol, diabetes, hypertension and so on."
V. Conclusion
•Acknowledge both sides of the argument
•Assert my stance on issue
•Why is my stance right
You mention the Wii, but Nintendo's console isn't the only one helping promote physical activity. Konami's Dance Dance Revolution Franchise, Microsoft's Kinect and Sony's Playstation Move can all be used as arguments as well...
DeleteKinect is actually a hands-free peripheral, therefore eliminating about a third of your arguments.
Only %5 of all video games are rated Mature.
Try using Columbine Massacre as a proponent.
Thanks Ivan, I actually had etc. but I guess I deleted that when posting. Thanks for the suggestion too :) very helpful coming from a gamer
DeleteIntroduction: A) Over 25 percent of Americans consume fast food every day.
ReplyDeleteB) Junk food and soft drinks are both of the very low nutrition. Junk food is one of the leading causes for the 32 percent of children that are obese and overweight in the United States. Because of this taxes on junk food and soft drinks should be increased. This would not only improve the health of people, but also allow for healthier food to be of a lower price. (thesis)
1. First Paragraph: - Fat tax (define) - counter argument: many people would say that increasing the price of fast food would take away the only source of food for some people. However, taxing junk food would help lower the price of healthy foods
"Junk Food Taxes Pay Off, Study Finds; Food-pricing strategies can reduce dietary inequalities, researcher says." (logos) - analysis: most of the people that are obese tend to be of certain demographics, like low income minorities, this increase in fattening foods would help decrease the taxing on healthy foods.
2. Second Paragraph: - Present second argument: it would decrease the amount of health related problems. - Appeal to pathos: use a testimony of someone that has suffered of overweight.
-analysis explain how a fat tax would not only help lower the price of healthy foods but also help health.
3. Third paragraph:
evidence: "I was pleasantly surprised that senators looked into this issue," he said, "but I think this amendment does not go far enough. They should have at least brought up the fact that using this oil also causes environmental problems." Gontier is referring to the fact that some palm oil plantations are responsible for deforestation and other environmental issues in countries that produce it such as Indonesia and Malaysia.
analysis: most people are unaware that what they put into their body is so unhealthy, it even causes environmental issues.
4. Conclusion: - Acknowledge both arguments - restate the benefits of having a fat tax
sources:
"Fast Food." Doctors, Patient Care, Health Education, Medical Research. Palo Alto Medical Foundation, n.d. Web. 21 Feb. 2013.
"French Senator Proposes 'Nutella Tax'." PRI's The World 13 Nov. 2012. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.
I really like your second body paragraph it is very convincing. I think you should consider developing a paragraph about how this would also help the economy, I mean if it does. I also think that you should consider acknowleding that the fat tax has to be accompained by eduating the public to really have an effect on peoples health.
DeleteI think that everything you have so far is very strong, especially our arguments because they all make sense! They appeal to our logic-of course we want a healthier society.
DeleteYour intro could be more extensive and as strong as the arguments are. There is so much more you could do there!
The Drinking Age Should Be Lowered to 18
ReplyDeleteIntro/Thesis: Eighteen into is the age where adolescents morph into adults. They have not physically changed, but they do carry more responsibility on their shoulders. They are tried as adults, seen as adults, and left to make adult decisions. Turning eighteen means receiving the rights and responsibilities of adulthood to vote, smoke cigarettes, serve on juries, get married, sign contracts, be prosecuted as adults, and join the military. Adults should get to choose what they do or do not do, whether they smoke or don’t smoke, whether they drink or don’t drink. The drinking age should be lowered to eighteen because at this age they have the power to make their own choices. Just as eighteen year old men have to sign up for the draft and eighteen years olds in general have the right to smoke, alcohol should be a choice and not a taboo topic left to the judgment of a 21-year old mind.
First paragraph:
“Excessive alcohol consumption contributes to more than 4,600 deaths among underage youth, that is, persons less than 21 years of age, in the United States each year.”
“Alcohol and Public Health: CDC Quick Stats on Age 21 Minimum Legal Drinking Age.” CDC. 3 September 2008. www.cdc.gov/print.do?url=http://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/quickstat; citing, “Alcohol Related Disease Impact (ARDI),” CDC. September 3, 2008.
Rebuttal:
"Higher traffic accident and fatality rates occur during the first few years of legal drinking regardless of age. In 2009, the 21- to 24-year-old age group had the highest percentage of drivers in fatal crashes with blood-alcohol concentration (BAC) levels of .08 or higher – 35 percent. Any increase in traffic accidents or fatalities in 18- to 20-year-olds would be offset by a decrease for those 21 and older."
Peter Asch and David T. Levy, "Young Driver Fatalities: The Roles of Drinking Age and Drinking Experience," Southern Economic Journal, Oct. 1990
Your intro/thesis is really strong. When you mention the privileges that 18 year olds already have, it really increases credibility and makes the audience want to listen to your argument even if they disagree.
Delete(continued)
ReplyDeleteSecond paragraph:
“Many rights in the United States begin at 21 or older, and the dangers posed by alcohol warrant a higher age of initiation than 18, 19, or 20. A person can legally gamble in a casino in most states at age 21, purchase a handgun at age 21, adopt a child at age 21, rent a car (for most companies) at age 25, and run for President at age 35.”
James C. Fell, "An Examination of the Criticisms of the Minimum Legal Drinking Age 21 Laws in the United States from a Traffic-safety Perspective," www.udetc.org, Oct. 2008
Rebuttal:
“There are many privileges a person gets when they turn 18 years of age. First, and most importantly, they are legally considered an adult. They can vote and enlist in the military. Since 18 is such a pivotal point in a young person's life, many people scoff at alcohol being illegal. It is hard to argue against the “my son/daughter can serve their country for three years without being able to have a legal drink” line of reasoning. If someone is willing to die for their country, why do we assume they aren't responsible to have a beer?”
McConnell, Euan. "3 Arguments For The Lowering Of The Drinking Age In America." Articlesbase.com. Articlesbase.com, 29 Dec. 2009. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Third paragraph:
“Put simply, teenagers have not developed the cognitive, social, and psychological mechanisms that are needed to make thoughtful and logical decisions about alcohol use; in addition, their bodies have not finished their physical maturation process. Thus, the government’s changing the legal drinking age from 21 to a lower age would be the equivalent of endorsing the short-circuiting of the maturation processes that are vital to human development and which pave the way for responsible participation in society.”
Smith, Nicole. "Argument in Favor of Maintaining the Legal Drinking Age." Article Myriad. N.p., 5 Dec. 2011. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Rebuttal:
“Most teens in modern society turn 21 while in college. This can be troublesome because they are on their own. They are learning about alcohol consumption from their peers, who don't know much more than they do. People make the argument that by lowering the drinking age to 18, parents still have some time to teach their young adults about responsible drinking. As my Seattle criminal lawyer told me, accidents involving binge drinking college students have a much higher mortality rate than alcohol related accidents associated with an older age.”
McConnell, Euan. "3 Arguments For The Lowering Of The Drinking Age In America." Articlesbase.com. Articlesbase.com, 29 Dec. 2009. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
You have very good arguments. As I was reading and I thought of a different one, you covered them. I agree with Amanda, your intro is good because you give examples of what they are "allowed to do" at the age of 18. It strengthened your intro.
DeleteThesis: Marriage is a custom that has been maintained throughout various civilizations for centuries. It still stands in our society, to this day. Today, however, it is often restricted to man and woman. This is in direct contradiction to its previous liberties; Marriage, in the past, has been allowed between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. There's no plausible reason it shouldn't be that way today. In today’s world, same sex marriage is seen and an abomination to society with disastrous effects on the minds of people. Not taking into consideration the positive effects that the legalization of gay marriage can have on society, society itself has isolated itself from the positive effects of same sex marriage and drenched itself with the negative.
ReplyDeleteP1
-define traditional marriage in today's society
Opponents
-against their religion
-Gay marriage could potentially lead down a "slippery slope” ending with giving people in polygamous, incestuous, bestial, and other nontraditional relationships the right to marry.
-Can't reproduce
People should not have their tax dollars used to support something they find wrong.
-Marriage is a religious right.
Same-sex marriage is not a civil right, and conflating the issue with interracial marriage is misleading.
P2(proponents)
-All human beings have certain needs and rights they should not be denied.
-Same-sex couples want to marry to create a firm personal and legal foundation for their own lives and security for their current and future children.
-Married couples can help and support each other in a variety of ways because laws and regulations are written to help that happen - for example, people are able to take time off to help their hospitalized spouse.
-Gay marriage will make it easier for same-sex couples to adopt children. In the US, 100,000 children are waiting to be adopted.
-There is no such thing as traditional marriage. Given the prevalence of modern and ancient examples of family arrangements based on polygamy, communal child-rearing, the use of concubines and mistresses and the commonality of prostitution, heterosexual monogamy can be considered "unnatural” in evolutionary terms.
P3(rebuttal)
-Religious beliefs only hold so much ground in the foundation of our countries law making. The most common argument for the banning of gay marriage is the religious one. However not all religions believe in the concept of banning the marriage between two individuals.
-You can debate theology, and the divide between church and state, the issue of procreation, the red herring of polygamy. But what it all really comes down to is the primary institution of love. The small percentage of people who are gay or lesbian were born with the capacity to love and the need to be loved.
Conclusion
-state both arguments
-state how the positive effects outweigh the negative effects
I think that it would be good if you just state some of the opponents on the third paragraph to then rebuttal on that.
DeleteJorge this is good! I am a little confused. I'm not sure if you actually state your opinion here or if that is the research. If it is, it very crucial to make your opinion clear!
DeleteI have to agree with Brenda on her point! After reading the paragraphs I agree it's really good info but maybe add more to show your stance. That way as we read it we know clearly what side you're on.
DeleteSources:
ReplyDeleteSullivan, Andrew. "Why Gay Marriage Is Good for Straight America." The Daily Beast. Newsweek/Daily Beast, 18 July 2011. Web. 12 Feb. 2013
The Gay Marriage Decision: Ethics, Morality and Law in Conflict." The Gay Marriage Decision: Ethics, Morality and Law in Conflict. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"Why Gay Marriage Should Be Legalized." - DivineCaroline. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
The Gay Marriage Decision: Ethics, Morality and Law in Conflict." The Gay Marriage Decision: Ethics, Morality and Law in Conflict. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"Arguments for Gay Marriage: Moral and Social Arguments for Gay Marriage." About.com Agnosticism / Atheism. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"Gay Marriage Debates." The Premiere Online Debate Website. N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
"Gay Marriage ProCon.org." Gay Marriage ProCon.org. Ed. Pro Con. Procon, 18 Jan. 2013. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
Introduction:
ReplyDeleteAs history has proven time and time again, society is always hesitant to acknowledge the benefits of anything new. Humans find conformity in their lives, so whenever some new phenomenon sweeps the nation, we will always find organizations standing up and hyperbolizing all the negative effects of thus phenomenon. Video games are our current phenomenon, seeping their way into every computer, tablet, television, and even cell phone. With new games releasing every day, a select few have become the sources of heated discussions about their violence and sexism. A recent YouTuber named Anita Sarkeesian has started a channel titled “Feminist Frequency” which has created a series of videos detailing the “misogyny” in video games, as well as their use of over-sexualized women. As much as I’d enjoy defending video game violence, my following argument will deal with the supposed sexism in video games. Not only will I expose the many holes in Sarkeesian’s arguments, but also show that most games aren’t demeaning women in any way.
Opposing:
-by: Emily Matthew
"Similarly, when asked if they had ever had their gaming taste, ability, or skill questioned because of their gender, 77.8% of women said that they had (compared to 6.4% of men)."
"When they were asked if they had ever participated in sexist behavior and comments, only 9.4% of participants said “yes,” with 10.6% of men and 7.3% of women giving this answer. Men were only 3.3% more likely to exhibit sexism – a number within the margin of error."
^This quote proves that much of this information is opinion based and might be unreliable. However, much of this research can only be studied through opinions rather than facts. Also, most of this research is based around XBOX Live rather than videogames.
"Lara Croft ruined all of that, though. And now, with a reboot of the “Tomb Raider” series being released in March, it seems Lara will get back to work soon enough. The new developers of the reboot have been careful to avoid the normal pitfalls of Lara Croft — the comically skinny waist, large breasts and exposed midriff — that plagued the original games."
Proposing
-“Male characters are just as sexually and physically objectified in video games as female characters. They’re built like Greek statues and chiseled to the core dripping with sweat, blood and dirt wielding a gun with muscles budging in skin tight t-shirts. Boys portrayed as the tough killing machine. Tell me that it’s not in some way objectifying a male character’s masculinity.” -KiteTales
- Lead graphic artist Toby Gard went through about five designs before arriving at the character's final appearance. He initially envisioned a male lead character with a whip and a hat. Core Design co-founder Jeremy Smith characterized the design as derivative of Indiana Jones, and asked for more originality. Gard decided that a female character would work better from a design standpoint. He also claimed a desire to counter stereotypical female characters, which he has characterized as "bimbos" or "dominatrix" types. Smith was sceptical of a female lead at first because few contemporary games featured them. He came to regard a female lead as a great hook and put faith in Gard's idea.Inspired by pop artist Neneh Cherry and comic book character Tank Girl, Gard experimented with different designs, including a muscular woman and a Nazi-like militant He settled on a tough South American woman with a braid named Laura Cruz. -Wikipedia
^This quote proves that Croft, along with other female protagonists, have a deeper role in their journey than just looking “sexy”.
I really like your hook I think it's definitely an interesting one!
DeleteI like the proposal about men being "chiseled to the core" like greek statues. It's great imagery so If you go deeper into that and use specific examples I think that would be great.
i love the quote about the overly muscular guys in video games, it contradicts the argument of sexualizing women, talk more about the whole strong female protagonist role you mentioned in tomb raider, perhaps mention her reboot which is rougher than shes ever been. i dont know if your going to mention more characters other than lara but a sugggestion would be commander Shepard whos is referred to by last name to not give a definite gender to allow flexibility despite the male version being displayed on the cover. and i feel your not touching on enough points to make a sound arguement, try look for more points to your arguement.
DeleteThesis: The Selective Service has been around since the time of World War 1. The draft in the 70's with the Vietnam War, sparked extreme resentment among the citizens. Conscription is something that the US can do without. The Selective Service forces young men to sign up for military service in a crisis is simply outrageous. For young men, barely beginning their lives finally independent now have to face the daunting possibility of being shipped off and maybe being stranded, or worse yet die in a foreign country. The US really does not need this, if an incident does happen they have allies that will help us, since we are a heavy trade partner for most of the world's powerful country's.
ReplyDeleteP1: addressing the arguments for the Selective Service.
- The US needs a large standing army in case the Middle East or North Korea erupt in mass warfare or chaos within their regions
- Men should be proud to sign up for the military as it is defending all that America stands for: liberty, justice and helping others
- The recruited soldiers would mainly be those who are not in college, but the men who barely have a high school diploma or of course those who never received one.
P2: Main rebuttal
- The Selective Service is sapping money. A draft has not been used since Vietnam, and should not be since the US is the top military spender on the UN's security counsel which includes the likes of China, Great Britain, Russia, and France; whom are all permanent members and powerful economies of the world.
- enlisting in the military should be a choice, and there would always be a pretty large military and arsenal so the US has little to fear.
P3: My argument (continued)
- since women are now more integrated into the front lines they should be required to enlist although have a smaller age range since they are the life givers.
- the fact that we want or try to beef up our military might end up costing us more, a worse image one of mistrust, sort of an arms race which can end up provoking other countries leading to a disaster.
i would suggest going into detail in your second paragraph about exactly how much we spend on the military of the u.s and what we spend it on, mention how we have the most advanced weaponry like fighter jets and guns, and your third paragraph is very unclear to me. make your position on women clearer.
DeleteYou have good points so far, but you could also add how many people sign up voluntarily in order to demonstrate that selective service is not necessary since enough people are willing to go to war if needed.
DeleteSources:
ReplyDeleteCoffman, Mike. "I still believe we are wasting money on the Selective Service." Hill 9 May 2011: 20. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 8 Feb. 2013.
Carter, Terry Ann. "Wash Your Filthy Hands." Windsor Review: A Journal of the Arts 45.1 (2012): 100+. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
McSally, Martha E. "Defending America in Mixed Company: Gender in the U.S. Armed Forces." Daedalus 140.3 (2011): 148+. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
http://www.debate.org/opinions/is-a-military-draft-a-good-thing-for-governments-to-have-in-place-permanently
http://www.sss.gov/FSsurviv.htm
Intro:
ReplyDeleteHook: To some, five seconds could mean nothing. In five seconds there is nothing that can really be done. But when you’re behind the wheel, even taking your eyes off the road for those five seconds could end up changing your life.
Thesis: Many states have become aware of the dangers of driving distracters, however the laws should be implemented nation wide because there has been an increase in deaths due to driving distracters such as eating, putting on makeup, and using any hand held device.
Paragraph 1: Driving and its safety
Distracted driving is any activity that could divert a person's attention away from the primary task of driving. All distractions endanger driver, passenger, and bystander safety. These types of distractions include:Texting Using a cell phone or Smartphone, Eating and drinking ,Talking to passengers, Grooming, Reading, including maps Using a navigation system ,Watching a video Adjusting a radio, CD player, or MP3 player
Texting while driving is equivalent to that of driving four seconds blind
Drivers who use hand-held devices are 4 times more likely to get into crashes serious enough to injure themselves.
http://www.distraction.gov/content/get-the-facts/facts-and-statistics.html
Paragraph 2: Implemented laws
To be sure, cell phones are not the only distractions on the road while driving. From eating hamburgers, yogurt, and even soup, to adjusting the car stereo, opportunities to take one's eyes off the road abound. However, cell phone use in cars has been on the rise for a number of years, and accidents caused by drivers who are texting or talking on phones while they are driving have increased. According to the September 23, 2010 issue of the Christian Science Monitor, "[t]exting while driving likely caused more than 16,000 road fatalities between 2002 and 2007."
"Introduction to Distracted Driving: At Issue." Distracted Driving. Ed. Stefan Kiesbye. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. At Issue. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Opponent: Despite the current epidemic of texting-while-driving, fatal crashes in the United States have not spiked, and even though many state legislators get tough on distracted drivers, new laws have failed to make an impact. At best, cell phone bans around the country might take years to become effective, just like drunk driving laws before them; at worst they may prove as futile as anti-speeding campaigns of the past. It's been almost 150 years since the first speeding law took effect, yet people speed all the time, and even strict enforcement has limited impact.
Halsey, Ashley. "Laws Against Texting While Driving Are Ineffective." Distracted Driving. Ed. Stefan Kiesbye. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. At Issue. Rpt. from "Laws Are Not Dissuading Drivers From Texting, Report Finds." Washington Post 29 Sept. 2010. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Paragraph 3: testimonials
How it has affected others
Obviously texting while driving is dangerous and should be banned. We shouldn't stop there, though - all distracted driving should be banned. Today while driving down East Bay Drive, I saw a white SUV swerving out of its lane. As I passed, I expected to see the driver texting; instead I saw a woman looking in her rearview mirror putting on her mascara.
"IT'S NOT JUST THE TEXTERS." Tampa Bay Times [St. Petersburg, FL] 4 Jan. 2013: 20. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
AT&T’s documentary Don’t Text While Driving a young man Patrick said, “I sent one stupid meaningless text ‘LOL’ and killed a man.” AT&T Don't Text While Driving Documentary. Prod. A. AT&T Don't Text While Driving Documentary. N.p., 20 Dec. 2010. Web. 23 Jan. 2013..
Conclusuion
Restate thesis
State both sides of argument
I really like how you labeled each paragraph and gave it its own title. I think you are missing the rebuttals. I also like how you include all the different distractions making it more credible. Good work!!
Deleteyour hook is truly a hook. It grabs attention, and it's really good. But once you get to the thesis, i think you need to make your stance a little stronger to show you believe its the best possible option for your argument.
DeleteArgument Against Single-sex Education
ReplyDeleteThesis: As single-sex schools become more common, education system should begin to realize that, yes it benefits students' grades, but it does not benefit their futures. Because students are separated from their opposite sex, they become unaware and unable to handle difficult situations with them when the time comes. Separating boys and girls for the sole purpose of increasing test scores only benefits those school they attend.
Proponent:
--Separating boys and girls in schools can causes gender stereotyping, sexism, and misunderstanding in the future.
"…there is evidence that sex segregation increases gender stereotyping and legitimizes institutional sexism…Social scientists have found that labeling and separating students based on almost any characteristic (e.g., sex, eye color, randomly assigned t-shirts) makes those differences even more salient to the students and produces intergroup bias. No wonder students who have been divided by sex for years need help learning how to work and learn together."
--Separating boys and girls can easily be compared to separating races, and the damages that it does to the students.
"Its unconstitutional...We know that segregating by race was one of the worst mistakes of our cultural and educational history. With a growing number of publicly-funded single-sex classrooms and schools (more than 500 in 40 states), could we be repeating the mistakes of our past without knowing it?”
--Some families cannot afford the expensive tuition that single-sex schools would require, and therefore would be excluded from possible education opportunities.
"...the demand for admission is more competitive than at other types of schools, according to an article by Richard Harker in the June 2000 issue of the "British Journal of Sociology of Education." This demand raises the tuition fees. As a result, girls and boys from lower-income families have less of a chance of acceptance than those from moneyed families."
Rebuttal:
1) “…The Foundation studied 2,954 high schools throughout England, where single-sex public high schools are widely available. They released their report on July 8 2002. They found: Even after controlling for students' academic ability and other background factors, both girls and boys did significantly better in single-sex schools than in coed schools."
(continued)
ReplyDeleteOpposition:
--Single-sex schools help decrease teen pregnancy
"Wayne Commeford, who was then principal of James Lyng High School in Montreal Quebec... told us how the pregnancy rate at his high school plummeted after Mr. Commeford reinvented the school as a dual academy with girls and boys separate for all classes. The rate dropped from about 15 girls a year to about 1 or 2 per year. We have heard similar stories from other administrators..."
--It is proven that single-sex schools help grades
"Studies have shown that some students learn better in a single-gender environment, particularly in math and science...[with single-sex education,] Girls...have made so much progress in educational achievement that women are overrepresented in postgraduate education..."
Rebuttal:
1) “Learning is best accomplished when the delivery method matches the subject matter. It is the quality of teachers’ training, lessons, and classroom management practices — and not gender of their students — that determines how much learning occurs in their classrooms."
2) In upper elementary and middle school, girls often develop and mature more quickly than boys. Boys may develop some maturity as a result of observing and working with girls. Small amounts of competition spur each group to do better academically. Without some competition and observation, male students may lose out on increased academic and emotional growth."
SOURCES:
ReplyDeleteBohm, Allie. "The Lasting Impacts of Single-Sex Education." American Civil Liberties Union. N.p, 21 Nov. 2012. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
Hutchison, Kay B., and Barbara Mikulski. "A Right to Choose Single-Sex Education." The Wall Street Journal. N.p., 16 Oct. 2012. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Strauss, Valerie. "The Case Against Single-Sex Schooling." The Washington Post. N.p., 03 June 2012. Web. 05 Feb. 2013.
"NASSPE: Research Single-Sex vs. Coed: The Evidence."
NASSPE. N.p., 2011. Web. 05 Feb. 2013.
Bollin, Penny. "The Disadvantages of Single Gender Education Schools." Demand Media. N.p., 17 Feb. 2011. Web. 07 Feb. 2013.
"Advantages For Girls." NASSPE. N.p., 3 Mar. 2011. Web. 07 Feb. 2013.
Topic: Violence and sex should be prohibited from television
ReplyDeleteThesis: The rise of violence seen in the U.S. has sparked many controversies. Some say the increase in these crimes have been due to amount of violence shown on television, while others disagree. Unfortunately, research shows that what people watch on television has a direct impact on people’s actions and thoughts.
Others Say: (Opponent)
-“Local journalist Conrad Angula said: "I think it is childish and unfortunate. Maybe he (the president) is going to bore people to death. Its definitely a bad move.”
Rebuttal: Although one may say it is a bad move, the facts are true. The violence is increasing and youth view more television than adults because they have more time than adults due.
-Facts:
-Children watch on average between two and four hours of television every day;
-The occurrence of violence on television has increased by 75% since 1998 and has increased across the board on all five of the major broadcast networks;
-On average, American youth view more than 1,000 murders, rapes, and assaults each year on television.
-Sadly, by the time our children leave elementary school, they will have seen on average 100,000 acts of violence on television.
-Others Say:
-“Under our Constitution, the proper response is plain, even though it is not simple: give parents more power to control what their children see. But Congress's attention at this time seems instead to signal an intent to involve the Federal Government more deeply in what we are allowed to see on our television sets. The FCC [Federal Communications Commission], for instance, has suggested that Congress "time channel" certain shows to late night time slots or implement a government-run ratings system. Such attempts to restrict free speech would be grave mistakes—and ones that the courts are unlikely to tolerate.”
Rebuttal:
-“Evidence is growing that the fear induced in children by the media is sometimes severe and long-lasting. A survey of more than 2,000 elementary and middle school children revealed that heavy television viewing was associated with self-reported symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. Watching more than six hours of television a day put children at greater risk for scoring in the clinical range of these trauma symptoms. A survey of nearly 500 parents of elementary school children found that the children who watched television just before bedtime had greater difficulty falling asleep, were more anxious at bedtime, and had higher rates of nightmares. It is difficult to draw firm causal conclusions from these studies, which simply correlate television watching and anxiety, but it seems more likely that heavy watching would trigger fearfulness than that skittish children would seek out television before bedtime.”
Continued:
DeleteOthers Say:
-“At the same time, parents have gained unprecedented control over the tube. Since 2000, all new TV sets have come equipped with a government-mandated "V-chip," which allows parents to automatically block specific programs based on violence, language or sexual content ratings. The typical TV or cable/satellite box includes other controls as well that allow the blocking of channels and restrict access to the set.”
Rebuttal:
Not always do parents know how to block channels and not always is there that option. Therefore:
-"Our kids are surrounded by these brutal representations of girls and women, and it is no wonder that women and young girls are the victims of male violence. No wonder that 20% of college girls will be sexually assaulted by guys they know in school. And it is no wonder that boys as young as 14 are capable of raping little girls as young as 11. How else are they to perceive girls if they are inundated daily with images of half-humans, half-living women, looking "sick and sexified," as Kesha's new song ["We R Who We R," 2010] goes.”
-“When I am home, I meet with West Virginia parents and educators and they have told me that children's behavior is becoming more aggressive and at times crude or explicit, and that they blame television for much of the problem.”
Conclusion:
Restatment of thesis
State both sides of argument
Restate opinion
Sources:
DelVecchio, Marina. "Sexualized Violence in the Media Contributes to Violence Against Women." Media Violence. Ed. Noah Berlatsky. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "The Media's Contribution to Violence Against Women." TheNewAgenda.net. 2011. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Wilson, Barbara J. "Violence in the News Increases Children's Fear and Anxiety." Media Violence. Ed. Noah Berlatsky. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "Media and Children's Aggression, Fear, and Altruism." The Future of Children Spring 2008. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Rockefeller IV, John D. "The Government Should Strictly Regulate Television Violence." Television. Margaret Haerens. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2011. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "Impact of Media Violence on Children." U.S. Senate Committee on Commerce, Science & Transportation, 2007. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.
"Nujoma's 'No Sex, No Violence' Ban Offends Namibian Viewers." Africa News Service 4 Oct. 2002: 1008277u6744. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013
Tribe, Laurence H. "The Government Should Not Regulate Violence on Television." Media Violence. Ed. Louise I. Gerdes. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2004. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "Draft Op Ed on Regulations of Television Violence." www.house.gov. 2007. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Gillespie, Nick. "The FCC Should Not Regulate Violence on Television." Is Media Violence a Problem? Stefan Kiesbye. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2010. At Issue. Rpt. from "The FCC's Not Our Mommy and Daddy." Los Angeles Times 2 May 2007. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.
Intro: A lot of things come to mind when people are asked what they think of America. Freedom. America the great. Liberty. Equality. Hard work. Justice. The American dream. America is number one. Number one at what exactly? Because it certainly isn’t education or freedom.
ReplyDeleteThesis: While the U.S. may be one of the better countries to live in, it is not the greatest. In fact it is far from the greatest; America needs much improvement economically, politically, and socially.” Things that America offers such as freedom and opportunity, can now be found in other countries. America needs vast improvement in order to claim the title of, “Greatest Country in the World.”
Part 1
Discuss how America does in terms of freedom, equality and happiness.
Evidence:
The U.S. ranks 47th in press freedom, according to Reporters Without Borders. So much for freedom of the press.
The U.S. is only the 11th happiest country in the world, according Columbia University's Earth Institute.
In terms of the percentage of women holding public office, the U.S. ranks 79th out of 147 countries, says the IP
Opponent: How does one measure ideas such as freedom, liberty and happiness? They are concepts that cannot be measured in numbers.
Rebuttal: Then where did the idea that America has a great amount of it? We claim to be number one so if it can’t be measured then why did we start claiming to be “number one”?
Part 2:
America’s is economically troubled and money is being spent on mostly spent on defense instead of addressing the U.S other problems such as its failing education system and it’s increasing poverty level.
Evidence:
"The United States spends 58 percent of the total defense dollars paid out by the world's top 10 military powers, which combined for $1.19 trillion in military funding in 2011. With its unparalleled global reach, the US outspends China, the next-biggest military power, by nearly 6-to-1."
As President Barack Obama is set to begin his second term, new statistics on America’s poverty rate indicate that nearly 50 million Americans, more than 16 percent of the population, are struggling to survive.
Opponent: These issues happen in a lot of countries, there are other countries that have it worse, and these issues are inevitable.
Rebuttal: Yes issues like poverty is inevitable, the issue is extremely large and should never have been so large. Also because other countries have these problems it does not mean it is okay for America to have it. I thought America was supposed to be great, and last time I checked poverty isn’t so great.
Part 3
Foreigners don’t like America, and many Americans don’t even think America is the greatest
Sigmund Freud hated America. He couldn’t stand being called “Sigmund” by his informal hosts. He believed that Americans had channeled their sexuality into an unhealthy obsession with money. And he seethed at his own need for the dollars that we had in such unseemly abundance. “Is it not sad,” he wrote to a German friend after World War I, “that we are materially dependent on these savages, who are not a better class of human beings?
Just under half, 49 percent, of Americans agree with the statement, "Our people are not perfect, but our culture is superior to others," according to a survey from the Pew Research Center. Forty-six percent of Americans say they disagree with the statement.
The percentage of Americans who think their nation's culture is superior has declined in the past decade, according to Pew -- in 2007, 55 percent called American culture superior, while about 60 percent did so in 2002.
Opponent: There is still a large amount of people who still believe in American exceptionalism including President Obama. These polls do not represent all of America.
Rebuttal: While there is nothing wrong with having pride in one’s countries, we must be willingly to admit that there are flaws and problems in our country, so we can solve these problems and go back to being “the greatest.”
You have good arguments and the quotes you found go hand in hand with your arguments. The fact that you have the opponents argument are your rebuttal will help you on your essay. You can maybe include some real life stories. For example the way the struggle of a lower income family.
DeleteI agree with Monica in that you provide a hefty amount of evidence from different aspects like historical figures and events. The appeal to pathos would strenghten your essay (in order to have the three appeals) and like Monica mentioned, it could include a personal story or experience.
DeleteTopic: Should women be allowed to fight in the front line
ReplyDeleteIntro/ thesis: Should women be allowed to the front line is a debatable question that still cannot be answered. The constitution states that “All men are created equal” however, this does not apply to women in the case. Although some may argue that women are able to reach men’s physical ability, women are emotionally weaker than men. Women, are also the heart of life , they were not made for killing but instead to create life, therefore women should not be allowed to fight into combat.
Evidence 1:
• Women tend to be emotionally weaker than men which can affect the front line.
• As said by a study of everyday health, “Women reported experiencing love and anger much more intensely than men did in another assessment of gender differences in emotional response. These women also smiled more when recalling memories of happiness or love.”
• Women become a distraction to men.
• According to a study published in Social physiological and personality science, “testosterone levels increased in men when attractive women were present. Since testosterone is a sex hormone, and has also been shown to play a role in fight-or-flight responses and risk-taking behaviors, this result is not surprising”.
• With a woman’s presence it can affect the way men perform.
Evidence 2:
• Sexual desire of opposite sex.
• Relationship amongst themselves is allowed and raises risk.
• Women pregnancy and loss of a trained fighter, since they are forced to be sent home for their own safety.
Evidence 3
• The percentage of women that have the ability to keep up with a man’s physical action is very tiny.
• As stated by a man during an interview, whose name was not mentioned, who was in the military and trained with women, “They were great but physically there wasn’t a single one of them who can complete a force march, there wasn’t a single female who can keep up even among the weakest guys there… women’s standards are also loosened up compared to men’s”.
• They decrease the level of difficulty for women’s training. Helping them pass the test.
Conclusion
Although women are mentally equal to men, they are physically and emotionally in the disadvantage. Having women in the military can become a disadvantage to the U.S. The U.S is known for having one of the strongest military systems. The military has strength, integrity, courage, and uniformity. This would be ruined if women are allowed into the military. Women will become a temptation/ distraction to men and the military will slowly break apart. Even though this contradicts the strong and lengthy fighting women have done for equality for hundreds of years, the military is a place where equality is not a choice for women.
You provided a wide range of different sources in different aspects of combat and military life to show why women would not be suitable for combat in the military. I think you should address the opposing view and after addressing the opponent, use some of the evidence you have as a rebuttal to strenghten your credibility.
DeleteYea I agree with you, I need to address the opposing arguments to strengthen my essay. My evidence can be used as my rebuttal. Thankyou.
DeleteYou have strong arguments that appeal strongly to logos. You should mention Rostker vs Goldberg. I think you also should mention the number of countries that actually let women on the front lines.
DeleteIntroduction:
ReplyDeleteWalking out of a hospital to take a breath of fresh air is typical among the ones who go in and out of it. Having to breathe the smoke trailing from someone’s cigarette in the same place however, is also typical and can become unpleasant for some. The people coming in and out of such public places include those who are sick, children, elderly, etc. many of whom should not be inhaling harmful chemicals.
The air we breathe is an essential and necessary part of life. Certain chemicals pollute our air on a daily basis and among those chemicals that come to mind stand a killer, second-hand smoke. The second-hand smoke or ETS (Environmental Tobacco Smoke) that comes from individuals making decisions about their own health becomes a part of public air and public health, now posing a threat to the health of others including the most vulnerable, children and those with health conditions.
P1
ETS, passive smoking, second-hand smoke: inhalation of smoke by persons other than the intended “active” smoker.
“No doubt, workers could be irritated by ETS, but then, they could also be irritated by perfume. Indeed, excessive perfume is considered an indoor air pollutant in some quarters, along with cooking odors.”
Michael D. Shaw Up In Secondhand Smoke: What Does Science Tell Us? 14 March 2005 http://www.gasdetection.com/Interscan_News/health_news_digest6.html. 12 Feb. 2013
“Children exposed to secondhand smoke are at an increased risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), acute respiratory infections, ear problems, and more severe asthma. The report also links second-hand smoke to coronary heart disease and lung cancer in adults and notes that even a brief exposure to second-hand smoke has immediate adverse effects on a person's cardiovascular system.”
"Surgeon General Declares Second-Hand Smoke Indisputable and Alarming Public Health Hazard; Nymox (NASDAQ: NYMX) TobacAlert(TM) Product Detects Second-Hand Smoke Exposure." Business Wire 28 June 2006. General OneFile. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"The harmful effects of second-hand smoke on children are well known. Children are especially vulnerable to tobacco smoke as they breathe faster than adults, meaning they inhale and absorb more pollutants per kilogram of body weight than adults. Proportional to their weight, kids ingest considerable amounts of toxic chemicals that adversely affect their development and that of their respiratory, immune and nervous systems."
National Non-smoking Week: Let's protect our children against second-hand smoke.
The America's Intelligence Wire. Jan 23, 2013 pNA. 7 Feb. 2013
P2
“The ability to go into a restaurant without having to ask for a non-smoking area is long over due here. With a smoking ban, customers won't have to worry about smoke filling their so-called non-smoking side of restaurants. Those smokers or restaurant owners who believe that smoke doesn't travel across a room or can't find its way through a door need to take a second look at how smoke travels in their establishments.”
"OPINION: Move along with smoking ban." Wyoming Tribune-Eagle [Cheyenne, WY] 30 Sept. 2005. General OneFile. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
“But in our industry it should be about choice. Going to a restaurant or pub is not a necessity, it is a treat. Most smokers already step outside of a restaurant to have a cigarette. But non-smokers also have the choice not to go into a restaurant or pub that allows smoking."
"Mixed reaction to smoke plan." Europe Intelligence Wire 6 July 2004. General OneFile. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Rebuttal:
DeleteIF you are a smoker, you know you are a prime candidate for heart trouble. So, if you are not a smoker, don't let these tobacco addicts blow smoke in your direction, warns ANNIE FREEDA CRUEZ YOU had better tell your father and brother not to smoke in the house.
And when you are at work, make sure nobody smokes in the office, not even the boss.
For if they smoke and you don't, you become a "passive smoker", someone who comes into contact with "second-hand" smoke.
"Death, passively." New Straits Times 28 May 2006. General OneFile. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
P3
-"I know that passive smoking is the real issue but there have always been smoking pubs and it always seemed fine. I don't see why there can't be a mixture of smoking and non-smoking pubs so we can still have a choice. It goes back to the whole issue of the nanny state." -Michael Smith, 29
"Passive smoke ban too late for rosemary." Europe Intelligence Wire 8 Mar. 2006. General OneFile. Web. 13 Feb. 2013
"It is now established beyond doubt that inhaling second hand smoke (SHS) as a result of (tobacco) smoking is harmful. There is no safe level of exposure. According to the World Bank exposure to second-hand smoke causes an estimated 5% of the global burden of disease, slightly higher than the burden from direct use of tobacco (4%), but this is largely concentrated in a few countries. [sup][1] Globally, about one third of adults are regularly exposed to second-hand tobacco smoke. "
Second-hand Smoke: A neglected public health challenge. Rana Singh, Pranay Lal. Indian Journal of Public Health. July-Sept 2011 v55 i3 p192. 5 Feb. 2013
"According to a recent report from (World Health Organisation) WHO, every year 600,000 children die in the world because of SHS. Smokers should not have the right to disperse into the air a known toxic, smelly substance for others to breathe, regardless of how long the practice has been tolerated in our society. According to WHO, implementation of a smoking ban at public places is the single most important step any country can take to decrease the burden of tobacco-related diseases. "
Exposure to second-hand smoke. Weekly Cutting Edge Lahore. Feb 12, 2011 pNA.
Conclusion:
Acknowledge opponent or what others say first and then acknowledge proponent side and include a scenario with a public smoking ban.
I like how in your intro you could hear your voice. To strengthen your essay remember that your conclusion should connect to a bigger picture, something that tells you about the human character
DeleteThank you Roxy. I'll make sure to try and tie back the conclusion to a larger aspect of human character in regards to my topic.
Delete• Intro/thesis:
ReplyDeleteAs a child I recall watching my fair share of violent movies that have been deemed as unacceptable to children of my age. I would stay up late at night laying in the darkness listening for the shrill snores of my father signaling the start to my movie marathon that would sometimes end up with my hiding under my covers; the only impenetrable field to the monsters that lurked in the shadows of my room. The studies that have been done have concluded that these movies I and many others have watched could have had a psychological impact so profound that it would “desensitize” us and makes us more “likely” to be more “aggressive.” movies with any indication of violence have been targeted by many groups of people who claim they are what’s wrong with our society. Acts of rape, killing, and stealing have been connected to movies by researchers and concerned parents and citizens looking for a scapegoat to their problems. In times of great adversity people look for who is to blame. But movies are the only scape goats of civilization, televison,books, television and many more have been blamed for the unfortunate crimes of our society but there is no one source of all our problems. Violence has always existed and it will continue to do so, with or without movies.
• #1the children debate-it’s very influential to children
o There is a blur between phantasy and reality. A common thing among children but eventually they do grow up
o the monkey see monkey do debate- children do whatever they see
'What I saw on the news won't happen to me. I can protect myself.'"
o Evidence- children reenact things not simply because of a blur between the lines of reality it is justified by rationality
o Kids try to make sense of what they see on a screen, they make games to reassure themselves and by blurring the lines of fantasy they do that
o Imitating is essential in child development because it is a coping method that gently ushers a child into a harsher reality
• #2 violence from adults
o The imitators of fantasy-movies that have sparked killings
o Evidence “In Oldboy, for example, the Korean film that has been most often cited as having influenced the Virginia Tech shooter.”
o Disprove evidence by explaining concept of movie
o Most people who do this are mentally unstable. Most considered mentally insane and are not sent to jail.
o Mental unstable state- they are likely to kill someone anyway, why does the inspiration matter if the final result was inevitable?
o “Don’t you blame the movies? Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative”quote from movie scream.
• #3 most important source of opponents argument- scientific studies
o “evaluating 700 elementary school age children found that those who witnessed violence, including television violence, were more likely to consider it "normal."
o This evidence claims children are more “aggressive” and “desensitized” because what they saw was considered “normal to them”
o Define normal and who dictates what normal is
o Scientists use the phrase “more likely a lot” does this mean their evidence is not sound?
o Questions asked in these studies are not accurate.
o More aggrieve behavior toward others because in questionnaire they would resolve conflict with violence. There’s a difference between wanting to beat someone up and actually doing it.
• Conclusion: restate thesis, acknowledge movies do have some impact but ultimately there not to lame
I really enjoyed reading your introduction. Very nicely crafted.
DeleteI do NOT believe you should simply restate your thesis as your conclusion. You can do much more in order to further your purpose. Try using another quote or an example?
SOURCES:
ReplyDeleteMarostica, Laura. "Shooting Awakens Debate on Effects of Violence in the Media." DeseretNews.com. N.p., 21 July 2012. Web. 12 Feb. 2013. .
Katch, Jane. "Is It the Media?" PBS. PBS, n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013. .
http://www.jamesbowman.net/articleDetail.asp?pubID=1841
Introduction-
ReplyDelete-Topic sentence: When considering animal testing the first thoughts are torturing poor animals. But what about the sick child dying from cancer, the man with HIV/AIDS, or even an animal itself dying from heart worms?
-Thesis: Every single day thousands of lives affected by cancer, HIV and many other lethal diseases are saved due to the new treatments tested on animals. Animal research has increased the amount of drugs and vaccines that help give people more time to live if not a full healthy life. As medicine is advancing, people can now fight the once incurable diseases that unfortunately kill millions everyday.
-Proponent (First body paragraph):
Animals are used under the Animal Welfare Act of 1966. (Which means the places used for biomedical research are under careful watch, they're inspected often to insure that the animals are provided with adequate care).
-Proponent (Second body paragraph):
Human trials are dangerous and are not always useful because there are a lot of things you can't try in a human trial. Animal testing has found immense amounts of drugs and treatments to help improve medicine. (Animal testing has provided new ideas and possibilities for people with diseases that before were considered incurable. Testing on animals is vital if the goal is to better human health).
-Opponent (Third body paragraph):
Animals are put through pain, distress and a vast majority of the animals die from all the chemicals they are exposed too. Animals react differently from humans, which means if the drug doesn't harm mice it doesn't mean it can't harm a human.
-Rebuttal (Fourth body paragraph): The supporters of animal testing claim that these animals would otherwise be euthanized. The number comes to approximately 1.1% of dogs and cats euthanized in shelters. According to them, at the most, one dog or cat is used in research for the 50 that are destroyed in animal shelters. Most of the research is conducted on rodents such as rats or mice. Rodents constitute 85-90% of the research animals.
-Conclusion: Animal research has contributed to many of the medical advances we have today. Without several of these tests we would not have many vaccines and medicines that help rid people of illnesses. The lives of millions are placed in the hands of doctors and scientists, and these animals help save lives.
Murnagha, Ian. "Using Animals for Testing: Pros Versus Cons." Using Animals for Testing: Pros Versus Cons. N.p., 1 July 2011. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
Cohn, Meredith. "Alternatives to Animal Testing Gaining Ground." Baltimore Sun. N.p., 26 Aug. 2010. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
Trull, Frankie L. "Animal Research Saves Lives." Animal Research Saves Lives. N.p., 7 Apr. 2002. Web. 03 Feb. 2013.
Topic: Making English the official language of the U.S.
ReplyDeleteHook: “We’ve all been there. It’s the end of a long, hard day and the Internet or some other essential technology doesn’t seem to be working correctly. We pick up the phone and call some unknown location, where an automated voiceover energetically instructs us to “press one for English; Oprima dos para Español.” Reluctantly, and with a deep sigh, we remove the receiver from its tightly lodged position between our shoulder and our ear, and press one. – Dillon Lewis “
Thesis : Making English the official language of the United States has been debated for many years. Many believe that it is essential in order to keep the people united, but the United States is only contradicting itself since the amendments state otherwise. Having one language will take away from democracy and how the United States was built upon.
Paragraph 1: (Proponent)
Having English as the official language will have many non-English speakers feel inferior and cause discrimination against them.
“This type of legislation will lead to ethnic and racial intolerance, and confirm to non-native English speakers that they are second class citizens in the eyes of the government of the United States.”
Paragraph 2: (Proponent)
Personal Experience: *Still researching*
Paragraph 3: (Opponent)
Many Americans believe that making English the official language of the United States will unite everyone and will make it easier for government to communicate.
Evidence: “Immigrants of many nationalities built our nation, but the "melting pot" melded us into one people. This long tradition of assimilation has always included the adoption of English as the common means of communication.” Explain in depth.
Rebuttal: However, the government will only contradict themselves and confuse many Americans.
Evidence: “Official English policies argue that this type of legislation is unconstitutional. Restricting federal and state employees from communicating with individuals, especially immigrants, in a language other than English violates the first amendment.”
“It restricts the government's ability to communicate with all its citizens and prevents many from voting; thereby going against the principle of a democracy, the very essence and foundation this country was built upon.”
Conclusion:
Restate thesis and agreement that can be made.
Sources:
"Does the United States Need an Official Language?" Does the United States Need an Official Language? N.p., n.d. Web. 06 Feb. 2013.
"Making English the Official Language Contradicts U.S. History, Constitution." The Patriot-News. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
"Debate: English as the Official Language." N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
"Official English." U.S. English. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 Feb. 2013.
I think your ideas and evidence are strong however I believe you can reword the thesis in order to get reflect the strength of your evidence. A simple reword or rewrite will allow you to further project the strength of your argument.
Deletei agree ideas are fine but a reword of thesis could help. maybe trying to state the thesis in less words but with a higher language to introduce the topic of english. by making the vocabulary stronger it can leave readers hooked because your topic is about the english language so presenting it in the most formal educated way will help your position.
DeleteIntro/hook: In 2001 programmer Bram Cohen released a revolutionary software that made it easier to share files in the internet. Little did he know that his creation and implementation of bit torrents four years down the line would be a major source of illegal sharing of copyright files.
ReplyDeleteTentative Thesis: The internet is an amazing source for information. Anything can be found in the internet and the abundance of information continues to grow. Internet censorship, at first glance can seem like a good solution to protecting children and intellectual property of corporations, however it is difficult to tell when censorship has gone too far. The reasons why internet censorship should not go on greatly outweighs the benefits. Similar to books, the internet does not deserve to be censored.
Paragraph 1:
Introduction of internet, including all the information and uses of it.
Include all the bad and all the good aspects of the internet:
-encyclopedias
-pornography
-hate speech
-technical documents
-holes/exploits that can lead people to get information from government classified information
Discuss:
-different effects on different age groups
Just one piece of evidence, planned to have two pieces of evidence:
"The advancement of technology has broken down geographical barriers for communication. The Internet has had an unimaginable impact on near instant communication by electronic mail, instant messaging"
"Censoring the Internet." Bar & Bench 11 Jan. 2012. Criminal Justice Collection. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.
Paragraph 2:
Introduction to censorship around the world.
Include China and their ineffective round about of censorship. Books in China NOT being censored, censorship more so a means of creating a barrier so people will not dig too deep into “information that may damage nationalism”.
Include United Kingdom and the “filters” that so many people want to put in place. The filters will essentially be a protection for children from “harmful” and “adult” media and information. People above a certain age can cope out of the filters.
Paragraph 3: Introduction to current soon to be bills and economic stand point of internet censorship in the United States.
DeleteBegining with history of PIPA and SOPA which are both proposed bills that were NEGATIVELY viewed and shot down by the public. These bills had one thing in mind: intellectual property and a fight against piracy.
Pieces of evidence and impact:
CISPA
“The executive order also calls for the federal government to draft recommendations for ways in which critical infrastructure providers can protect themselves from cyber attacks. Companies would not, however, be required to abide by these recommendations. It will also clarify which government agencies will take part in cyber security efforts”.
http://www.digitaltrends.com/web/cispa-obama-cybersecurity-executive-order-explained/#ixzz2LQ196cZV
"Investors can stop investing in online platforms like YouTube or Facebook. In a survey conducted by Booz & Company in the US, the participating angel investors and venture capitalists said they will not invest in digital content intermediaries (DCIs) because acts like SOPA/PIPA can be used to sue or fine websites for using pirated digital content uploaded or posted by users. DCIs are the companies that provide search, hosting, and distribution services for digital content such as YouTube, Facebook, SoundCloud, eBay, etc."
"The Threat of Internet Censorship." PC Quest 31 Dec. 2012. General OneFile. Web. 4 Feb. 2013.
Conclusion: Bring into light the natural rights of people. Give a call to action. Fight for the free internet.
"The United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, adopted in 1948, provides that:
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers."
"Censoring the Internet." Bar & Bench 11 Jan. 2012. Criminal Justice Collection. Web. 6 Feb. 2013.
i like the hook. it grasps readers attention. i like the structure of your essay so far. you introduce the interent and how it works leading with more in depth with the topic you are arguing about
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIntro/thesis: If one is convicted of murder, then it is logical to be killed as punishment, right? Americans have questioned the government, and each other, whether the death penalty is the best solution for the highest criminal offenders. Many factors have contributed to its support and rejection, however, its abolition would prove to have greater benefits than the continued killing of criminals.
ReplyDeleteParagraph 1 (opponent)
-The lives of innocent men are put at risk since many have been proven to not be guilty after dieing.
-“assessments of the "Innocents List" have shown that it radically overstates the number of innocent people who have been on death row…it is arguable that at least 68 of the 102 defendants on the List should not be on the list at all”
-The death penalty is meant only for the highest criminal offenders
-“the death penalty is not imposed for non-violent acts such as financial crimes, non-violent religious practice or expression of conscience and sexual relations between consenting adults.”
-contradict these common assumptions of the death penalty
Paragraph 2 (proponent) Economy
-the cost of life in prison is less than the death penalty
-”Based on a sentence term of 40 to 45 years, one inmate would cost the taxpayer only slightly more than $1 million—less than a third of what it would take to pay for the process that culminates in execution.”
-explain how the death penalty also requires more money because it is trialed as a federal case, hence costing more for lawyers, etc
Paragraph 3 (proponent) Trial Unjustice
-“Payne v. Tennessee (1991), the Court overruled earlier cases and held that "victim impact" evidence relating to the personal characteristics of the victim and the emotional impact of the crime on the victim's family is admissible despite the fact that it sheds no light on the question of guilt or innocence”
-One is more likely to be convicted on death row if one belongs to a lower class
Paragraph 4 (proponent) Affects of Death Penalty
-“Isn't there the possibility that the imposition of the death penalty sends a conflicted message about our society's respect for life.”
-Death penalty is being used less as time passes
-This year, according to a recent report from the Death Penalty Information Center, 78 individuals were sentenced to death, the first time the number has dropped below 100 in three decades.
-“while the death penalty deterred murder in six states, it actually increased murder in 13 states and had no effect on the murder rate in eight states.”
Conclusion:
-restate thesis
-bigger picture: Tie back to how society resorts to violence to solve issues, and that more violence is not the solution to violence.
Sources:
ReplyDeleteStatement supporting the use of the death penalty by John McAdams, Professor of Political Science, Marquette University, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, February 1, 2006." Capital Punishment: Cruel and Unusual?. Kim Masters Evans. 2010 ed. Detroit: Gale, 2010. Information Plus Reference Series. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Capital Punishment around the World." Capital Punishment: Cruel and Unusual?. Kim Masters Evans. 2008 ed. Detroit: Gale, 2008. Information Plus Reference Series. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 5 Feb. 2013.
"From Testimony of Vicki A. Schieber, Chevy Chase, Maryland, before the U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary, Subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights, and Property Rights, Hearing on 'An Examination of the Death Penalty in the United States,' February 1, 2006." Capital Punishment: Cruel and Unusual?. Kim Masters Evans. 2010 ed. Detroit: Gale, 2010. Information Plus Reference Series. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 12 Feb. 2013.
Stevens, John Paul. "The Death Penalty Violates the Constitution of the United States." The Ethics of Capital Punishment. Ed. Christine Watkins. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2011. At Issue. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Whitehead, John W. "The Death Penalty Should Be Abolished." Criminal Justice. Ed. Noël Merino. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2013. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "The Death Penalty Is a Miscarriage of Justice: It Should Be Abolished." www.rutherford.org. 2011. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
Collins, Jeremy J. "The Death Penalty Has Not Been Proven to Deter Murder." The Ethics of Capital Punishment. Ed. Christine Watkins. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2011. At Issue. Rpt. from "Death Penalty No Deterrent to Murder." Carrboro Citizen 19 July 2007. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 3 Feb. 2013.
"Capital Punishment." West's Encyclopedia of American Law. Ed. Shirelle Phelps and Jeffrey Lehman. 2nd ed. Vol. 2. Detroit: Gale, 2005. 237-242. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 5 Feb. 2013.
topic:is it rational for racial profiling
ReplyDeleteessay opener: the subject of racial profiling never leaves the news thats because racial profiling may factor into how authorities target these suspects of various crimes, including terrorism, illegal immigration or drug running.
thesis:whether citizens believe racial profiling is discriminating race, these methods are most effective when authorities are trying to distinguish criminals. i believe when getting criminals off the streets, racial profiling is extremely effective.
-1st paragraph: the pros and cons for racial profiling.precarious from years or racism and oppression. When weighing the pros and cons of the issue of racial profiling, one must consider and individuals civil rights.The cons for racial profiling seem to be far greater than the pros for racial profiling. Racial profiling is based on the assumption.
others say:
-2st paragraph(peoples emotions): many other people of race excluding white race, because they do not seem to get highly effected by this issue, believe racial profiling still happens even though its illegal.
58% of americans believe racial profiling still occurs despite the fact that it is illegal.
-3nd paragraph(peoples social security): even though many dislike the fact of racial profiling, in san diego with the recent report about chris dorner people do not seem to mind racial profiling.
the san diego police dep. warned citizens that officers may employ racial profiling attics in search for suspected murderer chris dorner.
what i say:
-4rd paragraph:even though people do not seem to like racial profiling, in needs of security they do not seem to mind. when crimes are at its highest and seem to extremely affect the society, that is when it is completely fine to use the tactics of racial profiling without citizens making a big deal out of it. after the 9/11 attack racial profiling in airports when at its highest and citizens do not seem to mind any sort of security check because they know if theres some sort of terrorism like 9/11 they will be extremely affected.
conclusion restate thesis ending with a social security threat to society ...real life event.
sources
""Racial Profiling Reduces Terrorism" by Richard Lowry." Racialprofiling. N.p., n.d. Web. 04 Feb. 2013.
N.p., n.d. Web.
"San Diego Police Warn Citizens of Racial Profiling as Dorner Hunt Continues." Atlanta Black Star. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
"Pros And Cons Of Racial Profiling Essays and Term Papers." Pros And Cons Of Racial Profiling Free Essays 1. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 Feb. 2013.
I really like your evidence. I think it is very thorough. Try working on making your conclusion just as strong.
DeleteTopic: Euthanasia
ReplyDeleteThesis: Euthanasia, another term for mercy killing, refers to the ending of life of an ill person in order to end suffering. Although it is a compassionate and faster way to end life, such practice brings ethical dilemma. Euthanasia contradicts one major moral, whether there is a right to kill.
First: Define/explain methods of euthanasia
-Passive euthanasia is the withholding of respirators and other life-sustaining equipment, procedures, or treatment.
-Active euthanasia is intentionally causing the death of another person through specific actions.
-Voluntary euthanasia occurs when an individual has chosen and requested for his or her life to be ended.
-Non-voluntary euthanasia is when it has not been requested or consented to.
-Euthanasia by omission.
Second: Anti-euthanasia
-Ethics/Morality: Many argue how euthanasia is another method of murder. There is a high sense of violating a basic principle. Many hold a strong respect toward life and believe that a life should not be assisted to terminate. Matter of demeaning life value.
-Religion: Religion strongly opposes the ending of life as it being sinful because " it is against God's will". Only God is given the authority to give and end human life.
*Rebuttal: The argument is shared in Christian, Jewish and Islamic faiths, however other major religions hold some sense of approval. Hinduism and Buddhism uphold euthanasia's ethic acceptance
-Alternative treatment: Palliative care provides a more comfortable, dignified death. Can serve as an alternative to relive ill patients pain and suffering. Medical advances have made it possible to end pain in most cases.
Third: Pro euthanasia
-Ending of suffering: Ending life will mean ending of pain and suffering for the patient. Un curable disease patients believe that the medical sources are being wasted and can be better used to actually cure others.
-Freedom of choice: The decision whether to end life or not is solely based on patients will. They have the choice to decide how they want to die.
*Opponents to euthanasia quote that "Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person" (United Nations, 1948), indeed, every individual has these rights; however, if an individual has the right to life, then should they not also have the right to die?
-Patient's dignity: Ill patients choose to terminate their life than to become a burden (financial and emotional) because of their state. Examples would be people who are mentally ill, un curable disease or in a vegetable condition.
Conclusion
The debate over euthanasia brings string emotion from opposite sides, each with convincing justifications. One person or group should not determine how, when, and if another person should die.
Sources
DeleteIacobelli, Lou. "Killing by any other name is killing." Catholic Insight Oct. 2009: 5. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Pros and cons but sufferers' welfare must come first." Sydney Morning Herald [Sydney, Australia] 24 Oct. 2012: 10. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Ho, Yun Young, et al. "A survey of the perspectives of patients who are seriously ill regarding end-of-life decisions in some medical institutions of Korea, China and Japan." Journal of Medical Ethics May 2012: 310+. Gale Student Resources In Context. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Fridstein, Margery. "It Is Merciful to Help a Terminally Ill Person Die." Assisted Suicide. Ed. Noël Merino. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Current Controversies. Rpt. from "Lessons in Dying: What Is Wrong with Giving Up When Our Bodies Give Out?" Denver Post 28 Nov. 2010. Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 20 Feb. 2013.
Oregon Right to Life. "Assisted Suicide in Oregon Does Not Have Adequate Safeguards." Assisted Suicide. Ed. Noël Merino. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Current Controversies. Rpt. from "Oregon's Assisted Suicide Experience: Safeguards Don't Work." 2010. Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 20 Feb. 2013.
Schafer, Arthur. "The Legalization of Assisted Suicide Does Not Lead to a Slippery Slope." Assisted Suicide. Ed. Noël Merino. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. Current Controversies. Rpt. from "The Great Canadian Euthanasia Debate." Globe & Mail 6 Nov. 2009. Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 20 Feb. 2013.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/reasons-against-euthanasia.html
I really like your thesis, it was very detailed and i can see what you are going to talk about and what your stand is.
DeleteEssay Opener: As the judged slam his gavel on the pad he announce his verdict: guilty. Sentenced to a death penalty on account for murder of two elderly neighbors when he was seventeen shoot them “execution style,” the now eighteen year old showed no remorse for his action.
ReplyDeleteIntro to Issue: 200,000 juveniles each year are tried as adults. United State Supreme Court also agreed to consider the constitutionality of the juvenile death penalty.
Thesis: Should juvenile offender be tried as adults and also, be sentence to death penalty. People argue that juveniles are incompetent to stand trial because they are not able to contribute to their own defense because their own brain is not fully developed and it’s not aware. However, should that be accepted as evidence to not trial juvenile as adults because they are not adults, yet both committed the same crime? Should it be an excuse to their violent or homicidal behavior? I agree that death sentence and juveniles tried as adult is harsh but it should only depend on the case. If it something minor then they shouldn’t be tried as adults but if it is something major like murder or rape then it is valid.
Paragraph 1
Juvenile delinquency has potentially high stakes for both individuals and society as a whole. Delinquency is linked to higher crime rates in adulthood and other negative outcomes. One estimate suggests that between 50 and 75 percent of adolescents who have spent time in juvenile detention centers are incarcerated later in life.
Evidence
•Jan. 30--A Delaware County teen pleaded guilty and was sentenced yesterday as an adult today in connection with a videotaped beating of a mentally ill woman in Chester that went viral. Rahmiiyah Henderson, 16, is one of six charged in the vicious attack.
•“Tried as an adult, Thomas A. Preciado was 14 when he stabbed to death a minimart clerk”. This shows how teenager can be a danger to society. Teenagers tend to do anything they want and they do not even care of the consequence they will face. They are in a phase were they believe they are unstoppable. This innocent clerk was stabled to death for unknown reasons and his family is in grief for their loss.
•This shows how teenager can be a danger to society. Teenagers tend to do anything they want and they do not even care of the consequence they will face. They are in a phase were they believe they are unstoppable. This innocent clerk was stabled to death for unknown reasons and his family is in grief for their loss.
Paragraph 2
ReplyDeleteThe adult criminal system is not designed for youth in conflict with the law, and it is not adequately equipped to serve such youth successfully.
Evidence
• Being in an adult jail, Ryan says, increases a kid's risk of sexual abuse and assault. Educational opportunities are limited. Even good intentions can go awry; teens that are separated for their safety can end up isolated in 23-hour lockdown. And for those eventually convicted of serious crimes in adult court, the damage can be irreparable.
Rebuttal
•“Kent Scheidegger said the vast majority of teenagers, even young ones, know enough to be tried in adult court. The notion that teenager are not capable of understanding what is going on I find not credible in the case of mentally normal teenagers.”
•This suggest that teenager use the excuse of “not understanding what going on” when they trial in court. When teenage commit a crime they are aware of the consequences they will face. Every action has a consequence and teenager tend to ignore it.
Paragraph 3
Evidence
•"Under most state laws, juvenile offenders do not commit "crimes". They commit delinquent acts, some of which are acts that would constitute crimes if committed by an adult. The trial phase of a juvenile case is an adjudication hearing. This means that the judge hears the evidence and determines whether the child is delinquent. The court may then take whatever action it deems to be in the child's best interest. The purpose is to rehabilitate, not to punish.
• The juvenile was adjudicated of second-degree sexual offense, indecent liberties between children and breaking and entering, and a Level 3 disposition was entered.
Rebuttal
•“Supporters of the juvenile death penalty argue that the small number proves instead that the system works and that juries are making discerning choices on whom to sentence to death, taking due account of the defendants’ youth and reserving the ultimate punishment for the worst of the worst”
•"Juveniles are so impulsive that it has hindered their decision making to the extent that they may not make rational decisions."
Conclusion
•They are old enough to make their decision, however it should be based on the case how horrible they are.
That is why judges should revises each case one by one and decide the accurate punishment.
Source:
DeleteBilchik, S. (1999). Juvenile justice: A century of change [Electronic Version]. 1999 National Report Series, Juvenile Justice Bulletin. Available at: https://www.ncjrs.gov/html/ojjdp/9912_2/contents.html. Also see Child Trends DataBank indicator: Young Adults in Jail or Prison.
http://www.childtrendsdatabank.org/?q=node/380
http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-12-01-tryingkids_N.htm
http://www.campaignforyouthjustice.org/facts-a-research.html
http://www.patrickcrusade.org/kids_in_adult_prisons.htm